Playing matchmaker can be a tricky business — especially if you’re in love with the person you’re setting up…
This week’s Sex Column reader has become a villain in the eyes of all of her close friends, and for good reason…
Unable to get past old feelings, she went home with her best friend’s fiancé just one week before their wedding. Now, she’s become an outcast and is looking for guidance.
Read the advice below, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a woman who ended up marrying a Grade A gaslighter…
The problem…
Three years ago, I made the stupid mistake of matchmaking my best friend from university with a guy I knew from school. I don’t know why I did it because I’ve always had strong feelings for him myself – but I guess at that time it seemed a good way of drawing him more into our group.
I didn’t realise how well they would hit it off, but soon they were an item and actually got married in the summer. The last three years have been quite painful for me, as I’ve had to watch them get closer and closer.
He had his stag do a week before the wedding, so he could get properly mashed up and have plenty of time to recover. I knew where he was going, so I ‘accidentally’ bumped into him there, and spent the evening with him and his mates.
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I’m cringing as I write this, but… Well, we ended up together and he stayed the night at my place. We didn’t have actual sex, largely because he was too wrecked to perform, but also because he did admit that he felt guilty. In the morning, he sloped off and hasn’t spoken to me since.
Unfortunately, we were spotted leaving the venue and my (ex) friend found out. She immediately withdrew my invite to the wedding, and although I’ve apologised profusely several times (both in writing and in person), she also refuses to have anything to do with me.
All our mutual friends are now weird with me and seem to be on her side. I’m pretty much an outcast in our group and it upsets me every day.
You don’t have to tell me I behaved terribly, I know it. But what kills me most is that they went ahead with the wedding and he seems to have got off scot-free.
The advice…
I’m not really sure what you want me to say – beyond the fact that I completely understand why your ex-friend refuses to have anything more to do with you.
You also knew he’d be likely be drunk when you ‘bumped’ into him on his stag do, making your plan to meet up even more problematic – to put itmildly. Did you plan to seduce him from the outset? Were you sober? These details you’ve missed out potentially make this a much darker tale.
Besides all that, you and the groom did just about the most awful thing you could have done, and I’m honestly not surprised that you’ve now become a bit of an outcast. What did you think would happen?
I will agree with you on one thing though – he also behaved appallingly and appears, on the surface at least, to have been forgiven. He probably blamed the whole unfortunate episode on drink, and on you.
Your ex-friend had a wedding planned and I’m guessing she couldn’t bear to cancel it, but frankly, I think she’s made a big mistake by marrying him. If he can cheat a week before his wedding, I doubt she’ll ever be able to trust him – but that’s her problem to deal with.
Although time is a great healer, I doubt you’ll ever be welcomed back into that group, at least as long as the bride is part of it. It’s unfortunate for you that this episode involves both university and school friends, but that’s the gamble you took.
You probably just need to move on and make new friends, through work or even online. And if you do, please promise yourself you’ll be a more loyal friend next time around.
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