Exact figures vary, but research from YouGov estimated that as many as one in five Brits have cheated on a partner.
Sometimes it spells the end of a relationship, but when marriage and children are involved, leaving is easier said than done.
This week, we hear from a reader whose wife slept with another man after he ditched her and their baby to go on a lads holiday. While grappling with his hurt, he’s unsure if there’s any way to salvage things.
Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to check out last week’s dilemma, from a woman who’s questioning her marriage after a one-night stand with a younger man.
The problem…
I’ve found out that my wife of two years has cheated and can’t describe how devastated I feel. On the one hand I’m so angry I want to walk out, but on the other I don’t want to break up the family as we have a nine-month-old baby.
I love my daughter to bits but what no-one tells you is how much parenthood takes out of you. My wife quit work and now I feel like it’s all on me to pay the mortgage and bills, buy the food and nappies, and generally provide for everyone.
As a result of all the stress, we’ve been arguing a lot and I decided to take up my mates’ offer of a skiing holiday, as I felt we needed some time apart. My wife wasn’t thrilled about me going off, but invited a friend to stay and it all seemed good when I left.
I had the best time with my mates and for a week didn’t have a care in the world. What I didn’t realise is that deep down my wife had the raving hump and her friend was bad-mouthing me, telling her what a waste of space I am, how I put myself before her and our baby, and saying she should never have married me.
Somehow it all culminated in a drunken one-night-stand when they were out, which she tearfully confessed to me when I got home.
Now I’m in bits myself and don’t know how to sort this mess out.
The advice…
I appreciate how devastated you feel over your wife’s cheating, but you’ve said yourself that you don’t want to break up the family. What she did was wrong, and her tearful confession shows that she knows it.
Part of the problem is that your relationship was already in a bad place when you went away, and that was bound to have a negative effect. On top of that, your wife was upset and angry about you going off to have a good time, while she faced a week without your support. That doesn’t excuse what she did, but it’s an explanation that might make it easier for you to understand and forgive.
Maybe in a cackhanded way your trip was meant to be a break that could save your sanity and marriage, but it was selfish of you to put a skiing holiday with the lads above your responsibilities at home.
Most couples don’t solve their relationship problems by spending time apart; you need to be together to work on your marriage.
I always think of the children in situations like this, and if it was genuinely a one-off that your wife will never repeat, it would be a tragedy if it were to cause the break-up of your marriage.
You can find understanding support to cope better with the pressures of new parenthood through Family Lives. Call their helpline on 0808 800 3333, email them at askus@familylives.org.uk, or visit their website.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
source https://metro.co.uk/2024/03/23/ditched-wife-baby-a-lads-holiday-cheated-20506535/
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