So apparently Ebenezer Scrooge is a sly and unexpectedly sexy leading man in our Christmas narratives, and so much so that we’d bang him?
The fact that you clicked on this article suggests you either share similar festive fantasies or are fascinated yet repulsed – and to both camps I say, ‘Come in! and know me better, man!’
(We’ll save ranking A Christmas Carol’s ghosts for another occasion though.)
It appears that Scrooge appeals to our ‘I can fix him’ instincts as a “morally grey” character that could add “spice” to a relationship, as well as his confidence and assertiveness being attractive qualities.
For your viewing pleasure, we therefore present a definitive (why not, no one else has done it) list of the hottest Scrooges to grace our screens in some of the many, many onscreen adaptations of A Christmas Carol over the years.
The hottest onscreen Scrooges ranked
Jim Carrey as Scrooge in A Christmas Carol (2009)
A nice little jump scare to start – while there will be no judgement in this piece (you do you, plus there’s a 2D animated Scrooge later…) renowned funny man Jim Carrey’s take on the Victorian villain is suitably grizzly.
An impressive mocap performance from Carrey in this CGI take on the tale makes the most of his gurns and grimaces. There’s also the added bonus of the gaunt, haggard face with stringy hair that the cinema audience is treated to as well.
Safe to say, this is probably the least sexy Scrooge on our list, but some may be more into his other very famous Christmas character?
Alastair Sim as Scrooge in Scrooge (1951)
Likely the most enduring Scrooge of all, Alastair Sim’s take on the mean moneyman from the 1950s is still watched and enjoyed today, over 70 years later.
One of the most popular films in Britain in 1952, it took a while to find its holiday favourite footing in the US too (where it was released as A Christmas Carol, just to makes things clear) but repeat broadcasts over the years helped this Scrooge cement his status.
To be honest, Sim is in here because it would be blasphemous to do a list of Scrooges without him.
Scrooge McDuck as Scrooge in Mickey’s Christmas Carol (1983)
Now we’re getting into the funky zone… Scrooge McDuck is an institution in his own right, first appearing in Disney comics all the way back in 1947.
He is, of course, based on his Dickens namesake and famously has a habit of diving into massive piles of gold coins.
Uncle to Donald Duck and great-uncle to Huey, Dewey and Louie, McDuck has appeared in various TV series and films but is most associated with DuckTales.
Our feathered friend also took the starring role as Ebenezer in Mickey’s Christmas Carol.
Now we now he’s no foxy Robin Hood, but people enjoy directing their feelings at animated characters – and we know he has some avid fans.
Sir Michael Caine as Scrooge in The Muppets Christmas Carol (1992)
Sir Michael Caine is the Ebenezer Scrooge of an entire generation it can be argued, thanks to his pitch perfect performance as the miser among a whole bunch of Muppets.
Although a fine figure of a man, we wouldn’t necessarily class Sir Michael’s Scrooge as hot in that he spends most of the film in a nightgown and cap, and also sports the time-honoured, not very appealing hairstyle.
However, his awards-worthy performance is a selling point and he certainly brings the emotion in both his heartbreak over missed young love with Belle, and joy when he is transformed into a generous and loving human at the end.
And you can’t fail to be affected by a man who bursts into enthusiastic song with Thankful Heart at the end of the film, sporting his fetching new red scarf.
Ross Kemp as Eddie Scrooge in A Christmas Carol (2000)
Many of us many not remember that this happened, but it did.
Resident EastEnders hardman Ross Kemp exited Albert Square and headed into this modern adaptation of the Dickens novella.
He played loan shark Eddie Scrooge, who has his local housing estate in a grip of fear, before the traditional ghostly visitations force him to re-examine his life. (Bonus points that Ray Fearon appears as Jacob Marley/the Ghost of Christmas Present.)
There’s always been a certain appeal to Kemp, and here he poshes up from Grant Mitchell to play Scrooge with a smooth, snooty note. The black leather jacket remained though, which is always a popular look for a bad boy.
Bill Murray as Frank Cross in Scrooged (1988)
Bill Murray is many people’s favourite Ebenezer (well, Frank Cross technically) of all in this 1980s darkly comic retelling of the story.
Ghostbusters actor Murray was in his element as a cynical and selfish television executive in this New York City-based adaptation, producing all his usual sarcastic charm.
This could likely put his Scrooge right at the top of this list, with no added context.
However, recent accusations against the 73-year-old have somewhat dented his appeal after he was reported to have paid a woman $100,000 (£79,000) after allegedly kissing and straddling her on the set of Being Mortal last year.
The film – set to be Aziz Ansari’s directorial debut – was subsequently suspended by Searchlight, pending official investigation, and now appears to have been abandoned.
Murray, for his part, told CNBC News that the incident marked ‘a difference of opinion’, adding: ‘I did something I thought was funny and it wasn’t taken that way.’
He has developed a reputation for being difficult to work with according to the likes of former co-stars including Geena Davis, Lucy Liu, and Richard Dreyfuss.
Rowan Atkinson as Ebenezer Blackadder in Blackadder’s Christmas Carol (1988)
This delightful parody of A Christmas Carol offers some of the best writing Ben Elton and Richard Curtis did for TV comedy hit Blackadder in this one-off festive special.
Rowan Atkinson was also able to go to town with Blackadder’s cynical, sarcastic and superior qualities, all tied up with a big bow of devastating wit, as he played the Ebenezer version of his character.
The delicious twist in this version is that Blackadder starts of as the proprietor of a moustache shop and the nicest man in England. However, when he receives his ghostly visit and it’s revealed to him how well all of his dastardly Blackadder ancestors did by being distinctly selfish and evil, he takes the unintended lesson that bad guys have all the fun.
Blackadder is an attractive Scrooge for all his confidence and intelligence, even if mean, and we all like a man who is humorous.
For example, when talking to his beloved if vacant goddaughter Millicent: ‘I would explain, my dear, but I fear that you wouldn’t understand – blessed as you are with a head that is emptier than a hermit’s address book!’
Sir Patrick Stewart as Scrooge in A Christmas Carol (1999)
Star Trek icon Sir Patrick Stewart delivers everything you could want from a Scrooge in this 1999 TV movie adaptation – deep-voiced menace, and – dare we say – a bit of a smoulder?
He’s also got an immaculate vibe in his black-heavy wardrobe at the start of the story, and he can wear the heck out of the tallest top hat.
Hair and make-up also made the very wise decision not to mess with Sir Patrick’s beautiful bald bonce and hide it with any kind of wig.
The actor is also the man who comes closest to pulling off Scrooge’s unforgiving nightcap.
And he can wield a cane very well…
Matthew McConaughey as Connor Mead in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009)
To top our rankings, the most unorthodox Ebenezer Scrooge out there, one Hollywood heartthrob Matthew McConaughey.
However, he was undoubtedly a Scrooge in the Dickens-inspired holiday comedy Ghosts of Girlfriends Past – it was just that, this time, Scrooge/Connor Mead is visited by former flames (including Emma Stone) as he is taken through his playboy past, present and possible future.
It’s a fun way to shale up the classic tale and isn’t nearly as terrible as it sounds.
And we don’t need to waste any time debating McConaughey’s hotness.
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