When Jane and Mike welcomed their baby son home for the first time, they knew there would be a chance he might not get to stay forever.
The couple were early permanence carers, meaning they were fostering a baby with the view to adopting him at some point in the future, but he still had contact with his birth family, and it was up to the courts to decide if he should be adopted or returned to them.
Usually, a child would be placed in temporary foster care and then matched with adoptive parents later.
In their case, it meant that the boy could have stability and bond with the couple while the courts decided what was in his best interest.
The process is not always easy though, as it does mean months of uncertainty for couples wanting to welcome a child.
Jane and Mike (not their real names) had decided to adopt after having struggles conceiving and facing a heartbreaking miscarriage.
Speaking to Metro.co.uk for Adoption Month, Jane explains: ‘We had unsuccessful attempts to fall pregnant, then when we did fall pregnant, we had a miscarriage. I had an underlying health condition, of which one of the key features was recurrent miscarriage.
‘We knew early on in our relationship that it may be difficult to conceive. We did investigate IVF and egg donation but we didn’t feel either route would have been right for us.’
To start with, they attended an information evening with a local authority, in a hall in central London with about 200 other people.
Jane says: ‘It was somewhat overwhelming. We came away from there a little despondent.
‘However, we continued to do more research into adoption.
‘A friend of my aunt had been through the adoption process with Coram and my aunt put us in touch with her. We then embarked on a lengthy email exchange with her about her experience of the process with Coram.
‘She explained it all very clearly and we felt that Coram may well be the right agency for us.’
On 7 September 2010, they attended an introduction meeting with Coram, but shortly after, Jane found out she was pregnant. Sadly, she miscarried and they decided to put thoughts of adoption aside for now.
Almost a year later, they made contact with Coram again they decided to look into what was then called concurrent planning, and is now called early permanence placements.
What is concurrent planning/an early permanence placement?
Sue Lowndes, Managing Director of Coram Adoption explains: ‘Early Permanence placements are for children, usually aged under two, who due to their family circumstances, have a strong likelihood of being adopted.
‘Becoming an early permanence carer is an amazing thing to do – the task is to provide nurturing, stable and loving care to the very youngest children whose future plans are still uncertain and may return to live with their birth family, or the plan may become adoption.
‘Early permanence carers will support the plan whatever it may be, and if that is adoption then that arrangement continues without any disruption to the relationship formed between the child and the carer.
‘If the child returns to the birth family or a person connected to the birth family, the carers support this transition having provided a quality attachment foundation for the child at a pivotal point in their development.
‘Early Permanence carers are drawn to the scheme as it is a ‘win-win’ outcome for the child and an opportunity to contribute in a special and life-changing way to the child’s journey.’
Jane explains: ‘At this time the concurrent programme had briefly closed so we went on holiday and whilst there, we chatted at length about the process and decided that when we returned we’d ring Coram again.
‘However, as fate would have it whilst we were on holiday Coram rang us to let us know that the concurrent programme was restarting and asked if we could come into an open meeting on 19 October 2011, which then, in turn, led to the preparation groups beginning in November.
‘Having done our research we felt that concurrent planning had the best interests of the child right from the start and would be right for us.’
They had months of training alongside other parents-to-be, helping them look at how to help children with two families and deal with issues of separation, loss and attachment.
In the second stage, they looked at contact and working with birth families, babycare and safeguarding, health issues, legal issues and the positives and negatives.
Once this was completed they had a home study and prepared the paperwork to go to a panel to ask to be approved to be concurrent carers, which they attended in November 2012.
Becoming foster carers who would then go onto adopt meant that after the panel, they could be asked to look after a child at any time but it would also happen quickly.
Jane says: ‘During December and January, a couple of the other families had begun to care for children and we met up with them.
‘In March 2013, we received a call from our social worker with news of a little boy who needed our help.
‘At this point, I was able to let my work know that I would almost certainly be finishing work rather quickly. This was not a shock to them and they had supported me hugely up to this point so we had plans in place for when the call came.
‘We immediately had to attend meetings with a local authority to find out as much as we could about the boy’s background, and at the same meeting, we were very fortunate to meet the little boy. His smile lit up the entire room.’
Just three days later, the little boy came home and they were his foster carers. Although they knew that there was a strong likelihood that they would adopt him in the future, he continued to have contact with his birth family while the case went through the courts.
Janes says: ‘It meant doctors visits, meetings with birth family twice weekly and getting completely immersed in his care.
‘We had to keep a level head throughout that this little boy may return home to his birth family at any point if that’s what the courts decided. This is of course incredibly hard to accept, however, you are the adult and always have at the front of your mind you are doing the best you can for this child
‘This element of the process can be immensely challenging at times depending on the birth family and how they react to you.
‘We were immensely lucky and I feel honoured to have got to know my son’s birth family as part of this process, so I can answer where he gets some of his gestures from, his sense of humour and all manor of things that this opportunity gave us.
‘I would say not to underestimate how hard this can be but it can be rewarding at the same time. For your own mental health, you definitely do need to hold back a certain amount whilst going through the fostering process.
‘However you are caring for a small child and regardless of the outcome, you want the best for that child so you have as much fun as you can and keep any anxieties away from them.’
After four months, his case went to court and adoption was chosen as the best option for him.
Jane explains: ‘We still had ongoing looked after children reviews but his face to face contact sessions ceased and we were then able to adapt and move to being adoptive parents. The final court order came through in January 2014 just after my 40th birthday.
‘When we knew it was going to become an adoptive placement with no objections it was the very best feeling in the world and we could be mummy and daddy. There were lots of happy tears but also, for me, a feeling of sadness for the birth family. We have annual letterbox contact with the birth family and we have kept to that although we don’t always get a reply back.’
Now their son is eight and his parents are passionate about promoting early permanence placements, despite the difficulties.
She says: ‘Our son is the brightest most wonderful light in our lives, I am passionate about adoption, concurrent caring and Coram without whom our family would be incomplete.’
All names have been changed.
For more information about Coram, visit their website.
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MORE: I adopted a baby with Down’s syndrome and I’d do it again
Adoption Month
Adoption Month is a month-long series covering all aspects of adoption.
For the next four weeks, which includes National Adoption Week from October 14-19, we will be speaking to people who have been affected by adoption in some way, from those who chose to welcome someone else's child into their family to others who were that child.
We'll also be talking to experts in the field and answering as many questions as possible associated with adoption, as well as offering invaluable advice along the way.
If you have a story to tell or want to share any of your own advice please do get in touch at adoptionstories@metro.co.uk.
source https://metro.co.uk/2020/10/23/what-its-like-taking-in-a-child-who-could-be-returned-to-their-birth-family-at-any-point-13464974/
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