When a parent already has a child but is struggling to conceive, their heartache and the difficulties they face aren’t always given the same level of sympathy.
But many families suffer in silence dealing with secondary infertility, which is when you can’t conceive despite already having a child.
This was the case for Caitlyn and Sean, who have been together since 2008 and were married in 2016.
Although they already have an eight-year-old son, the couple began trying for another baby in 2018 with no luck.
After going to their GP to see what the issue was, multiple scans and check-ups followed.
Caitlyn told Metro.co.uk: ‘After having two ultrasound scans of my uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries, a constraint dye tear of my fallopian tubes and a scope to check my womb, the gynaecologist found nothing wrong and diagnosed me with unexplained secondary infertility.
‘Basically meaning they don’t know why I have been able to get pregnant. They suspect that although the blood results came back okay that I may not ovulate regularly due to my history of irregular cycles.’
The treatment to help Caitlyn and Sean conceive started with a pill called Letrozole for six months, followed by six months of a pill called Clomid.
With no pregnancy in this time, and the next available option being IVF, the couple had a choice to make over what to do.
‘My husband and I discussed that I did not want to have IVF as I know the extremes it pushes the woman through physically, mentally, and emotionally and the chance of conception leading to a healthy birth was still very low,’ says Caitlyn.
The decided to stop fertility treatment, and began to seriously consider adoption and what that might look like for their family.
‘We had both discussed adoption before as infertility does run in my family. However, once we made the decision that this is the route we take next to grow our family, the research started.
‘I read, watched, and listened to as much as I could before I made the phone call to start the process.’
This call was made in December 2019, straight after Caitlyn’s final round of Clomid stopped, and since then Sean and Caitlyn have been undergoing various checks to ensure they’re ready to take on another child.
She explains: ‘The learning and self-education – with the help of our allocated social worker – has just been built upon ever since.
‘The process is very intrusive and in-depth; checking your finances, home, health and much more. But it is all to make sure these children who have had such a traumatic start to life are placed in a safe and secure forever home.’
Covid-19 has slowed down movement with the family’s applications, but after numerous emails and calls Caitlyn and Sean made it to stage two of the process at the end of July.
This stage, usually taking around four months, involves being assigned a social worker. They will find out more about why you want to adopt and help you to create a report which will later be reviewed by an adoption panel.
That report essentially shows you’re prepared for adoption, and will be how the adoption panel decides whether you’re suitable to go further in the process.
Caitlyn says: ‘We are now working together with the social worker to prepare our report for the approval panel.’
Although she’s managed to be extremely practical with how she dealt with her secondary infertility issues and dived into researching everything she could about adoption, that doesn’t mean Caitlyn doesn’t have (very normal) worries about the future.
‘Depending on what I have learned or read most recently my fear changes – currently I’m worried about family breakdown and hitting crisis mode,’ she says.
‘I worry about not being able to access the help we need to support our child when or if they need it with the services they say are there for us.
‘Talking to my social worker helps to alleviate these worries. Unfortunately it won’t be until we are in the situation that I will know how things will turn out but we are determined to do our very best to make it work and help which ever child gets placed with us.’
Seeing the big picture in terms of how they’re offering a child who needs it a chance at a new family is key for Sean and Caitlyn.
Mum Caitlyn says: ‘To be able to give a child a safe, consistent and loving home is the biggest reason we have chosen adoption.
‘There are so many children in need of a sense of security and consistency. We have the space in our home and our hearts to provide that.’
Adoption Month
Adoption Month is a month-long series covering all aspects of adoption.
For the next four weeks, which includes National Adoption Week from October 14-19, we will be speaking to people who have been affected by adoption in some way, from those who chose to welcome someone else's child into their family to others who were that child.
We'll also be talking to experts in the field and answering as many questions as possible associated with adoption, as well as offering invaluable advice along the way.
If you have a story to tell or want to share any of your own advice please do get in touch at adoptionstories@metro.co.uk.
Do you have a story you’d like to share?
Get in touch at MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk.
MORE: What could go against you in the adoption process?
MORE: What support is available for parents and children throughout the adoption process?
Adoption Month
Adoption Month is a month-long series covering all aspects of adoption.
For the next four weeks, which includes National Adoption Week from October 14-19, we will be speaking to people who have been affected by adoption in some way, from those who chose to welcome someone else's child into their family to others who were that child.
We'll also be talking to experts in the field and answering as many questions as possible associated with adoption, as well as offering invaluable advice along the way.
If you have a story to tell or want to share any of your own advice please do get in touch at adoptionstories@metro.co.uk.
source https://metro.co.uk/2020/10/18/couple-with-one-biological-child-decided-to-abandon-fertility-treatment-and-adopt-second-13398376/
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