There was a reason Friends ended when Monica and Chandler had kids.
It’s all fun and games when you’re in your twenties, living across the hall from your pals, eating cheesecake off the floor and purchasing farmyard birds as pets.
Even when the first member of the group has a baby, the dynamic doesn’t shift that much because they’re outnumbered by responsibility-free singletons who just want to keep the party going.
Then you hit your thirties. More members of the gang get married, reproduce and move away.
It becomes increasingly difficult to write a script about six friends meeting at a coffee shop in New York when four of them don’t live there anymore.
As I approach my 32nd year of life, I no longer need to take an online quiz to find out which Friends character matches my personality. I’m neither Rachel, nor Phoebe, nor Monica.
I’m a certified Joey Tribbiani: the leftover single in a group of coupled-up friends.
I couldn’t be happier for my mates who have found their lobsters, but it does make meeting up a little more difficult than it used to be.
Impromptu pints after work get replaced with brunches scheduled two months in advance.
But the very best friendships are the ones where you pick up where you left off, no matter how much time has passed in between.
As important as it is to nurture our friendships the older we get, it’s equally important to know when to let them go. Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever, nor do we need them to be.
When I met up with people I’d known since I was a teenager, I found that no matter how much I had grown and evolved as a person, the second I saw them I reverted into who I was back then.
I tried to maintain my true identity, but my particular piece of the puzzle no longer fit unless I regressed into that shape. I’d leave events feeling a bit dirty, like I’d cheated on myself.
As someone who longed to fit in as a kid, it pained me to imagine how I would survive without being part of such a co-dependent group.
Then I realised I had already survived years of adulthood outside of that clique, and it was simply time to let it go.
There will be times when it feels natural to part from a circle of mates, and there will be times when you have no other option.
Perhaps the end of a relationship means you can no longer hang out with your ex’s mates, or your own friend breaks up with a girl you loved spending time with, but with whom it would be impossible to continue a friendship without someone feeling betrayed.
Social politics gets in the way of our connections with others, as does actual politics. As much as I try to have reasoned debates with friends who sit on a different colour of the political spectrum, the past four years have provided many opportunities to unearth the core beliefs held by our nearest and dearest.
Some won’t affect your connection, others may lead you to a painful decision between your principles and your pals. It happens.
More recent global events have distanced us from those we would usually socialise with. Covid was a great test to many friendships as we were forced to communicate in different ways than were used to.
When the whole world hit pause, it was interesting to see which friendships carried on playing.
I don’t think I’ll be the only person who developed stronger friendships with people as a result of lockdown. Zoom calls meant that instead of dispersing into the same old conversational subgroups at a party, we became exposed to everyone at once.
Living on my own, I really appreciated the efforts of friends who did a daily check-in, knowing that I was lacking social interaction and that I ran the risk of losing what’s left of my mind.
Remember the week when the quizzes just stopped, never to be spoken of again? It was the people who continued to make the effort after that week who I have formed even stronger friendships with.
Now that lockdown has eased you might have found that your friendships, like workplaces and schools, look a little different than they did back in March.
Time apart may have been the time you needed to move on from past disagreements, you may cherish each other even more, or you may have simply grown apart.
As much as it’s important to nurture old friendships, it’s important to maintain the skills required to make new ones.
During lockdown I made two brand new friends. One whom I have only met virtually after we discovered so many commonalities via twitter.
Another I met at a socially distanced birthday party, and swapped numbers at the end of the night. I felt nervous sending the first text, I didn’t want to appear too keen.
It felt a bit like dating, but without the added pressure to shave my legs.
We’ve had two ‘dates’ since. Courtesy of Rishi Sunak, we ate out to help out and ranted about how much it sucks to be single when your mates have all settled down.
We agreed that, however much we love our friend’s dinner parties, sometimes we just want to drink cheap cocktails in bars and and get hit on by men.
She ordered the half price lobster and in that moment I knew… as much as Ross needs Rachel, sometimes Joey just needs to find another Joey.
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MORE: Even Friends charmer Joey Tribbiani can’t chat up Gemma Collins so don’t even try it
source https://metro.co.uk/2020/08/28/joey-tribbiani-friends-couples-13191176/
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