People grieved before lockdown and people will still grieve long after it’s over, but losing someone during this pandemic has been particularly difficult.
I’m mourning the loss of my friend Dean McKee, who died on the morning of April 7 from coronavirus. He was 28 and worked in a care home.
He exuded friendliness and was such a loveable person. It’s a cliche, but he was a gentle giant.
I host (or should I now say, hosted?) a monthly open mic poetry night in London with some friends and Dean was a regular. I found out about his death through a message that was sent to the event’s WhatsApp group.
I was absolutely broken by the news. I hadn’t seen Dean for a year or so but that doesn’t take away the fact that he was my friend, nor negate the impact he had on my life.
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We met and bonded through poetry and he was a real force – such lyricism but also such energy. So much so that even QPR, the team he loved, worked with him to write a poem together that brought the team out.
He was just such a welcoming human being. But during the time of coronavirus, it’s hard to be able to grieve properly.
After Dean died, I took the day off work because I just couldn’t face having to focus. My mum, who I live with and also knew Dean, did the same.
So when end-of-life charity Marie Curie got in touch to ask if I wanted to work with them on a campaign for a national day to reflect on those we’ve lost during the pandemic, it was easy to say yes.
Grief is so different in lockdown and so many of our normal channels for processing death are unavailable.
There’s been a limit on the number of people who can attend funerals. I’ve sadly lost friends before outside of lockdown, and we could go to a pub and celebrate them, or go to friends and hug each other for comfort – but social distancing restrictions meant we couldn’t do that for Dean.
Instead we tweeted, we shared memories on WhatsApp and we just had to find another way to grieve him and process his loss.
For me, there’s a lot of anger in grief. I’ve been angry that I didn’t get to see Dean more. That I missed a chance to have made more good memories.
But I’ve also been looking back and appreciating the times I shared with him. I’m so grateful that I had the joy of knowing Dean in the first place.
Over one million people have been bereaved since the UK lockdown began, whether as a result of coronavirus or another cause.
With the pressure the pandemic has brought, and how much it’s changed everyone’s lives, adding grief to the mix is tough for anyone to take.
I’m fortunate I had my mother in the house and work to keep me occupied. I had something to keep me going. Others may not have a similar luxury or privilege.
While no one is saying you shouldn’t grieve now, having a designated day to look back and reflect on people we’ve lost gives us time and a way to properly honour them.
Grief can be personal and individual, but having a day helps us recognise that the amount of people we have lost to this virus is a national tragedy.
We’ll still grieve how we can in lockdown, but I think it’ll be a wonderful community feeling for us all to come together and properly pay our respects to all of those who have died.
It’s also a way to remind people that they are not alone and to give them something tangible – and hopeful – to move towards.
I would use it to not only reflect on Dean but others like him, in the knowledge that it would be more than a fitting send off for them.
While I shall never stop grieving my friend, I would welcome a special day to say goodbye.
Marie Curie are calling for the UK Government to recognise the lives of the people who’ve died with a national day to reflect, grieve and remember on 23 March 2021. Sign the petition at www.mariecurie.org.uk/nationalday
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/08/23/need-national-grief-day-honour-everyone-have-lost-coronvirus-13158664/
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