It started with eyeliner and mascara, and by Year 8 I was wearing concealer and foundation, too.
Seeing images of celebrities in magazines had led me to believe that society didn’t accept women without flawless skin. Not only did makeup mask my freckles, but it gave me the confidence I needed when it came to nerve-wracking social situations, like meeting new people.
I’ve always been a relatively shy person and have been diagnosed with low self-esteem, so when I was able to make new friends at secondary school in a way I hadn’t at primary, I thought it was because of what was on my face and the fact that I ‘looked better’.
The internalised message stuck, and it was only when the country went into lockdown that I started to question it.
When I was at the office, I was wearing a full-face every day – I felt genuine horror at the thought of colleagues seeing me bare-faced. At that point, I wouldn’t have wanted to be seen dead in public without wearing at least some concealer and eyeliner. I even wore it to practice yoga!
Being at home for days on end was like entering a safe space. I didn’t need to conceal my skin because it felt like if people couldn’t see me, they couldn’t judge me for my looks. In time it started feeling more and more normal and I began embracing my natural look in video chats.
My friends didn’t mention my new look, which proved that they didn’t really notice much difference between ‘made-up Gemma’ and ‘makeup-free Gemma’.
I realised that if my face being covered in makeup wasn’t important to them, it didn’t need to be important to me, and it made me feel more comfortable to really be myself around them.
My mum, on the other hand, has always said that she prefers my natural look, but I thought she was being biased so have never taken her seriously. Now, I’m beginning to believe her.
The only time I’ve applied a full face during lockdown has been for my mum’s birthday and my 25th, because I wanted to ‘treat’ myself and feel good. Admittedly, when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, it was a bit of a shock.
Wearing makeup again didn’t feel like I was being my ‘true self’ and I realised that I had been hiding who I was for years. I was doing just fine without it during lockdown, so I didn’t need to rely on it anymore.
This is when I saw my usual morning ritual in a completely new light – applying it should be enjoyable and an act of self-care, rather than an act of mental self-destruction. Plus, let’s face it, lockdown presented more important things to worry about than whether my blemishes were covered up.
I know I’m not alone in this bare-faced revolution – my 60-year old mother, who wouldn’t have previously stepped foot in Sainsbury’s without her face covered in foundation and her eyelashes coated with mascara, now regularly roams the aisles entirely makeup-free.
What’s more, according to a study by the skincare brand Skin Proud, 69% of people who usually wear it wore less than usual during lockdown, while more than a quarter of adults felt comfortable looking natural on video calls.
In addition, 39% of 18 to 24-year-olds said they would be confident in embracing their natural look when lockdown was lifted.
Personally, when I ditched makeup, my appearance took some getting used to. But not only did my skin look healthier – with fewer spots and blemishes, which I would have previously tried to cover up – I also felt free. Physically, my skin could breathe and, mentally, I no longer needed to hide.
As restrictions have started to ease and life slowly returns to ‘normal,’ the saying ‘old habits die hard’ rings true. I sometimes have to ask myself ‘Why am I really applying this?’ when I sweep the foundation brush over my cheeks.
My self-discovery doesn’t mean I won’t wear it again or don’t enjoy wearing it, but I now wear it for me rather than for other people.
My former self would find it hard to imagine meeting up with friends and nipping to the shops completely makeup-free. And I’ve still got a way to go – sharing a bare-faced photo of myself for this article feels like a massive step.
But post-lockdown I know that people are not friends with me because of what I look like, but because of who I am.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/08/29/makeup-addict-lockdown-wear-less-13167151/
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