The end of a relationship is never easy, and now there’s a pandemic making things even more complicated.
Breakups are a logistical nightmare at the best of times and now coronavirus is here to make things even more complex and difficult to navigate.
During this lockdown, you’ll likely either have to break up over a video call if you’re not isolating together, or if you did end up quarantining with your partner, you’ll be confronted with the likely-horrifying possibility of continuing to live together even though you’ve split up for the sake of social distancing.
On the subject of breaking up with someone remotely, Natasha Briefel, UK Brand Marketing Director at Badoo, recommends allowing the other person the opportunity to get closure after the fact.
She says: ‘It’s difficult enough cutting ties with someone you’re used to talking to every day in real life, never mind in quarantine where the burden of loneliness can feel unbearable.
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‘If you feel able to, allow your ex the opportunity to speak to you again once the shock has worn off. They might need additional closure that only you can provide, so be prepared for them to get back in touch.
‘But ensure you protect your own feelings too, cutting off contact once you feel you’ve given all the explanation you can.’
Counselling Directory member Pam Custers delves into the complexity of breaking up with someone you live with during the lockdown. She tells Metro.co.uk that the process should be handled in a business-like manner, saying: ‘Breaking up is never easy to do in the best of times.
‘The key here is to put aside all the emotional heightened feelings and have a “business meeting” a little similar to what you would have with a work colleague.
‘Write up an agenda so the conversation does not get side tracked. The practicalities need to be laid out.
‘Questions to ask are: Who will be returning to work in an office first? Who does most of the care for children? Who has an alternative place to go and stay? How do you self-isolate to a degree whereby you are able to move to another property without jeopardising other people’s health?
‘All these questions will indicate what steps need to be taken by who.’
Pam also outlines questions that need to be addressed if you and your ex find that neither of you is able to move out.
She says: ‘If moving out is completely a nonpossibility how can you both construct your life so that you give each other space?
‘Can you each choose to exercise alone and at a time when the other needs space.
‘Can you arrange your apartment in such a way that you are able to have separate rooms to work in?
‘All these questions need to be discussed calmly and simply. Keep all decisions short term, now is not the right time to start dividing the book collection.
‘This is an interim measure to tide you both over till things become easier with lockdown. The conversation needs to be focused on easily doable things that ease the tension.’
On what to do if you and your ex have kids, she says: ‘If there are children involved and one parent needs or is able to move out then the parent that does most of the parenting should remain in the family home.
‘Children are able to move between houses so visits are able to continue within reason. Now is not the time for big decisions.’
Pam also stresses: ‘If there is domestic violence I would contact a dedicated helpline immediately.’
She adds: ‘If you are not able to keep the discussion simple and find a short term solution that can be revisited in a couple of months then please seek a couples counsellor.
‘We are seeing a number of couples who with counselling online have been able to reduce the tension and navigate a way that has enabled them to find a respectful solution.’
Domestic violence helpline
If you are in immediate danger call 999. If you cannot talk, dial 55 and the operator will respond.
For emotional support, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. Alternatively, you can email Women's Aid on helpline@womensaid.org.uk
For free and confidential advice and support for women in London affected by abuse, you can call Solace on 0808 802 5565 or email advice@solacewomensaid.org
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/05/08/logistics-breaking-lockdown-12668854/
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