Lockdown is hard on all of us.
No matter your circumstances, whether you have children, have been furloughed, are living alone or with others, it is completely valid to feel stressed, anxious and uncertain. We’re all living through a global pandemic.
If you have a friend or loved one who is really struggling to cope with lockdown – maybe they have pre-existing mental health conditions, or just seem to be overwhelmed by the isolation – it can be difficult to know how to help.
We can’t just pop over for a cup of tea, or dance away our troubles on a night with plenty of cocktails.
So, what can you practically do to help someone who is showing signs of needing more support? There are ways you can help, even from afar.
Christi-an Slomka, mindful movement teacher and Community Manager at Calm, has shared her key ways to help a friend with anxiety. And they are all things you can do over the phone and on video.
Listen deeply and compassionately
Christi-an says it’s important to ask your friend how they are and to listen with your full body, without thinking of how you’ll respond.
‘Practice being totally present,’ she says. ‘Acknowledge their feelings.
‘Avoid pat phrases like “you’ll get through this” or “you’re okay.” Thank them for sharing them with you.’
Don’t try to fix them
‘No one is broken,’ says Christi-an. ‘And your friend has likely already done so very much research and experimentation to understand their anxiety that having to field more well-meaning suggestions may feel like an extra burden, and possibly like they’re seen as a problem.’
She adds that your friend is strong and courageous for surviving the debilitating effects of anxiety.
‘Celebrate the personal victories when you know they’ve done something especially hard,’ she suggests. ‘And know that you don’t need to hide difficult things from them because you’re worried it will be too much.
‘The intention is kind, but we can all sense when someone is keeping something from us, which never feels good.’
Let the anxiety be
When someone is anxious, sometimes it’s OK to let them just feel that.
‘It may seem counter-intuitive, but let your friend know they can be anxious with you,’ says Christi-an.
‘Let them know that you understand anxiety isn’t something they are choosing, and that you won’t try to talk them out of their feelings.’
Ask your friend what they need
Different people with anxiety have different ways of managing, she adds.
‘Meditation and breathing exercises, for instance, are helpful for a lot of people — and may be helpful for you — but they may not help your friend,’ says Christi-an.
‘Some people with anxiety need to do something active, like a run or aerobics. Ask your friend what works for them and how you can help.’
Keep them company
Obviously, keeping them company physically is not on the cards right now. But you can still be by their side in a digital sense – which is the next best thing.
In addition to the overwhelm of anxiety comes the overwhelm of trying to get the right support, says Christi-an.
‘Your friend may try different movement classes, therapies, doctors, meditation circles, and on. Offer to go with! It’s less daunting with company.
‘A little space, when requested, is good, but too much space can feel like abandonment.
‘Stay in touch,’ she adds. ‘And when you’re together and your friend is feeling anxious, remind them that you’re not going anywhere. “I know you are scared; I am here with you.”’
Understand that anxiety looks different on everyone
No matter how anxiety is manifesting in your friend, take care not judge them, and show them that you understand.
‘Anxiety can manifest as a deep tiredness and can also cause sleeplessness,’ says Christi-an. ‘It can be experienced as restlessness, agitation, and an inability to concentrate. It causes irritability for some, and irrational fears for others.
‘Anxiety can also be experienced as frightening chest pains and uncomfortable muscle tension.
‘The diverse and sometimes misunderstood symptoms of anxiety are real. Let your friend know you get it.’
Check in regularly
If your friend seems anxious when you’re together, check in, “Hey, are you feeling anxious right now?”’ suggests Christi-an.
‘In asking, you let them know that with you there’s always space for their anxiety, it doesn’t need to be avoided, and they’re not a burden. “Is there something we could do that would help?”
‘Sometimes in the midst of panic, it may be hard for your friend to know what would help. If they aren’t sure, you might offer suggestions like meeting safely in an outdoor space, or talking online.’
Be aware of your impact
What you do has an effect, particularly for friends who are feeling emotionally fragile. It’s important to be aware of that.
‘If you’re going to be late, let them know,’ says Christi-an. ‘Or if you don’t have time to reply to an email or text, give a quick explanation so your friend isn’t left to worry.
‘Anxiety can be an inner-bully; it can convince people they are burdensome. Make a conscious effort to reassure your anxious friend.
‘A simple “I love hanging out with you” (and not just when they’re calm) means a lot.’
Hold your own boundaries
You can only take care of others if you take care of yourself. It’s the put-your-own-mask-on-first philosophy.
‘Your friend is likely to feel guilty if they think their anxiety is keeping you from doing what you want. So, don’t let it,’ says Christi-an.
‘Do the thing you want to do and let your friend know they can trust you to take care of your social and emotional needs.
‘When they are asking for more than you have to give, let them know. “I love you. I can’t talk now, but let’s have coffee at 2 pm tomorrow.”‘
If you’re struggling with your mental health during lockdown, remember you’re not alone.
Talk to someone – a friend or loved one – or speak to your GP for guidance on how to manage your symptoms and feelings.
Need support? Contact the Samaritans
For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/05/14/practical-ways-help-friend-struggling-lockdown-12702425/
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