Social distancing doesn’t mean emotional distancing: An introvert’s guide to isolation

Illustration of a woman sat on a sofa, cuddling her cat
A psychologist on BBC Radio 5Live said: ‘The introverts may well thrive’ (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Soon after the gravity of coronavirus hit home, it became abundantly clear to me that the human race was rapidly entering a scenario where I had very little expertise.

My transferable skills as a comedian were at first of limited practical use, then they became outright redundant, before being actually banned, in a live setting at least.

Sure, I’ve diffused the odd moment of tension or panic during a family discussion, but, ever the pragmatic realist, those moments of panic or tension were usually caused by me in the first place.

You could summarise my input to a corona chat as: ‘Here’s a funny joke to distract you from that terrifying thing I’ve just said!’

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It is hard to balance moments of humour with the absolute seriousness of the situation we now all face.

I am healthy, young(ish) and not in immediate financial need. For every amusing ‘take’ we offer, we must remember that millions of people are not in that position; those for whom the following weeks may be the hardest, most fearful and uncertain they have ever known.

However, following recent changes in advice, with the prime minister urging us to stay home, I actually find myself in a position to pass on some genuine expertise.

Isolation.

I have lived alone now for over three years and I have worked from home most days since 2005, only venturing out to gigs after a full day’s worth of hours has elapsed.

There are times when I haven’t left the house for 72 hours (it was before someone told me the steps app on my phone had been silently recording the grim statistics of my sedentary life).

So, I have become an expert of sorts. Without doubt the least important expert doing the rounds right now, but an expert nonetheless.

A psychologist on BBC Radio 5Live said: ‘The introverts may well thrive’.

I am one of those introverts and, try as I might, I cannot avoid the now clichéd line that has done the rounds: ‘Self-isolation? I’ve been practising for this my whole life!’. 

Just to unpack what that means, an introvert is someone who recharges by spending time alone, and an extrovert is someone who recharges by being around others. This is just one of several definitions but a useful one nonetheless.

So, in the absence of any crowds to tell jokes to, LET’S DO SOME TIPS!

Firstly, this is the biggest of big ones: You need a to-do list. You need a structure to your day, a plan and a goal.

This is not only good for getting things done, but it’s also great for your mental health and feeling you’ve achieved something – feeling there is a point to your day.

If you are actively working from home many of these things may be defined by your job. If you’re simply stuck at home with nothing to do, remember: There is never nothing to do!

Writing down small things – and it’s best to make them very small – turns every day into an ‘achieve-o-zone’ (my phrase).

Whether it’s ‘reword the presentation’ or ‘unload the dishwasher’, make sure you physically write them down and tick them off as you go. If you’re not alone then do it as a family and have separate lists! One warning – never write down big things like ‘do tax return’ or ‘clean house’. Split everything into smaller tasks. You’re more likely to make a start if it feels achievable and it means more things get ticked off!

Secondly, there is so much scary info – and scary fake info – going around at the moment that it’s very easy to get caught up in an anxiety spiral.

Being at home for long periods can easily make you turn to rolling news and social media. We need to practise sound filtering and a little perspective.

Some of the coverage has been absolutely fantastic, while an awful lot of the shared information is complete rubbish. So try not to go down too many online wormholes.

Any document or image that’s preceded by ‘My friend’s brother works at Scotland Yard/Downing St/a hospital/the Army and they said etc, etc,’ is most likely fake. Be suspicious and don’t panic.

If it’s not being reported by several newspapers and multiple sources on respected TV news, then it’s probably bullsh*t.

‘But why would they make it up! It was my friend’s sister’s boss!’ I hear you cry.

Well, who knows why anyone does this kind of stuff, but I was shown photos of the Army marching in London to enforce a lockdown last week. Or was I? In reality I was shown a photo of an army, that’s all.

Related to this, if you’re feeling the panic rise from all of the news, fake or real, do what you can to make a connection with someone who’s actually there.

Send a text, make a phone call, use a video service, have a chat over a garden fence (2 metres away minimum!)

Understand that someone might need a 10 minute chat every so often just to stay sane, while others might need to be alone for half an hour just to reset

Unless the guidance changes (and it may well have done by the time you read this) I find going out for solo walks keeps me sane.

And you know what, it really helps to see other people doing very normal things. People aren’t all panicking and the world has not completely ended.

People are still having cigarettes in doorways, neighbours are still pruning their roses, cars drive past under the speed limit, dogs are walked, golf is being played (with some ingenious modifications that I won’t bore you with here).

It’s important to remind ourselves that some level of normality still exists; life is going on, even if it’s under a very strange set of circumstances.

Though it might help if people weren’t also buying all the f*cking tinned tomatoes! But I guess you can’t have it all.

If you are out, or even if you’re leaning out of a window or stood on a balcony, say hello. Smile. Ask someone how they are. Check on a neighbour.

Remember that social distancing doesn’t mean emotional distancing! It’s possible to make a connection without congregating.

Something else about working or isolating from home: You will come to realise how very little of our tech is designed with our bodies in mind.

A laptop on a dining room table whilst sat on a kitchen chair is a nightmare for your back and shoulders, and a phone being swiped through for half an hour is a killer on your neck and eyes.

Take breaks and remember to move as much as you can. Get into good habits with your body position.

A neutral stance or sitting position is good, and the closer you can get your screens to eye level the better.

It sounds small, but anyone who’s had problems with their joints and muscular pain knows it can drive you to distraction.

There are very cheap stands for laptops and little holders for phones. You can also get apps to soften the light on your phone or computer (this is especially important for getting to sleep). I try to have a minimum of an hour away from screens before bed – it’s amazing how hard it is to get in the habit, but it makes falling asleep so much easier and allows your brain to decompress from a full day of information.

A lot of people will say ‘get up and get dressed as you normally would’.

It’s a great idea. If you usually work in a suit, or wear specific shoes, then putting them on will make you feel like you’re at work.

That said, some of my best admin has been done in pyjamas, so each to their own I guess!

If you’re isolating in a group it’s important to allow each person little islands of space.

No one can stay in a room together all day and it’s important to remember it’s not a slight on you if someone just needs an hour to themselves.

Very often in relationships we read other people’s behaviour as either a positive or a negative judgement on ourselves.

‘He’s upstairs cos he’s in a mood with me!’

‘She’s quiet so I must have pissed her off!’

Most of the time people are upstairs because they want to be upstairs, and people are quiet because they want to be quiet.

Going back to the introverts vs extroverts thing, it’s important to recognise the dynamics in your house.

Understand that someone might need a 10 minute chat every so often just to stay sane, while others might need to be alone for half an hour just to reset. There’s room for a bit of both.

All of us have our own takes on the current situation, our own fears and possible solutions, our hunches and our frustrations. And it’s important to let people express them, to just talk and vent. Not every conversation has to become a debate with a winner. Practise listening, being kind.

Finally, and this tip comes with a warning: Do things that are good for your morale. Things that really make you feel good.

For me it’s lighting a fire, cooking and speaking to my pals in a WhatsApp group. They are little things, but if you can have stuff to both look forward to and enjoy doing, then your home will feel less like a boring prison, and more like a cosy place where you have some control and variety.

Here comes the warning: If the thing that you think is good for your morale is booze, chances are it’s lying to you.

Now, don’t get me wrong, cracking open a bottle of wine whilst on lockdown is  one of the most exquisite pleasures I know.

But I also know that this way of living could last for a while and getting hammered every night will not be good for my mental health in the short, medium or long term.

I’m aiming (and currently succeeding) to have three nights a week off.

It’s sometimes hard to resist that thirst that calls across the night, but resist I must. Just maybe not tonight…

Love and strength to you all.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing platform@metro.co.uk

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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/03/23/guide-self-isolation-introvert-12435894/?ITO=squid
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