If you’re looking to remain indoors and morph into your most slovenly self this chilly season, look to none other than the sloth as your winter muse.
Research has found that the humble yet beguiling three-toed sloth – not the Sid lookalikes, but the ones with the eyeliner – is able to shut down their metabolism when they get too cold.
Which is why they’re iconic for moving ever so slowly. Extreme temperatures mean they expend less energy in order to improve their chances of surviving. It’s said to be unusual for mammals to do this without entering into full hibernation-mode, but they’re god damn doing it.
So, sloth your life away this winter without hibernating and entirely disappearing from society entirely. Should you require help getting into character, look no further than this vibrating sloth pillow.
Smoko’s ‘incredibly squishy’ pillow obviously looks like a sloth, but has the added functionality of vibration. Simply switch it on via a button on the arm. Bet you’re wishing your arm did that.
It’s also two pounds of polyester and cotton and it comes with a carry handle and three AA batteries. All for $39 (£31).
It’s probably not the first slothy piece of décor you’ve seen this year. The creative folks over at Etsy forecast that sloths would *thankfully* replace the unicorn in 2019 as the iconic new motif.
LA-based Smoko also sells a sloth eye mask, microwavable heated pouch, and USB heated slippers.
As for the pillow, you’ll get more than a winter’s use of it.
Use it to prop your decrepit frame upright when you’re on another Netflix binge and you need to spoon in some food. Perhaps hold it close as you dream the night away, thanking your lucky stars that you’re surviving cuffing season unphased and uncoupled.
And if you’re not much of a cuddler, just keep in mind that it’s a fantastic way to hide what is essentially a large vibrator in plain sight. You’re most welcome x
MORE: Primark launches adorable Christmas jumpers featuring pugs, sloths and cats
MORE: Couple transform their spare room into a rainforest for their pet sloth
MORE: Here are some unbelievably cute sloths to soothe your Sunday
source https://metro.co.uk/2019/11/02/youre-gonna-need-this-vibrating-sloth-pillow-to-survive-the-winter-11031095/
0 Comments