I was 14 when I was in an accidental house fire and I had to jump out of the fourth floor window, still on fire, to escape.
From there I was admitted to Chelmsford Hospital burns unit with 35 per cent third degree burns to my skin, mainly on my upper body.
I was on a life support machine for a few weeks and when I woke up I couldn’t remember a lot of what had happened. The pain was so intense that I was unable to sleep and I spent almost six months in hospital.
The burns eventually developed into scar tissue and it was then that I became self-conscious about my body – especially when exercising.
Up until that point I had loved football, trampolining and general exercise, but what stopped me from participating again was the fear of being bullied my peers.
I remember them not only mocking the bandages and pressure gloves I had to wear for medical reasons, but also bullying me over my less expensive trainers.
On top of that, I felt self conscious as my scars make me sweat a lot and the extra medical coverings like bandages didn’t help that matter.
What changed things for me was 50 Cent’s In Da Club.
Growing up as a teenager in Hackney, I was inspired by 50 Cent’s muscles and I thought the tattoos that covered his arms looked similar to the scars that covered mine.
I assumed 50 Cent was a confident man – especially as he was constantly surrounded by women in music videos – and I wanted to feel like that.
I started exercising indoors and bought myself dumbbells and a bench. While working out I would blast 50 Cent’s music to give me extra motivation.
After about six months I started to see changes in my body and started to have more energy throughout the day.
But I also started re-gaining the body confidence I had lost. In the summer I started to wear white transparent shirts, or sometimes vests, so that people could see my new muscles.
Although people would still stare, the feeling of being fit gave me an indescribable joy that kept me going.
It gave me the confidence to join a public gym in Hackney. I was a big boy and my scars did draw a lot of attention. Many would speak to me and applaud me for my bravery, while some perceived me to be a ‘bad boy’ or ‘gangster’. It earned me the nickname ‘scars.’
Either way I felt accepted, which is what I needed at the time, and I started going to the gym every day. Exercise and the gym community changed the way I felt about myself and the way I saw my body.
I understand it is normal to look at people who look differently to you, but I would urge everyone to try and avoid staring at others – or drawing your friends’ attention to look at them.
It’s something that I’ve experienced and is part of the reason it took me so long to embrace my body.
Most people living with scars are already hyper-aware of their surroundings, knowing that people could be looking at them.
If you do feel the need to know what happened to that person, maybe try and be their friend before just walking up and asking what happened.
It’s something that always makes me feel uncomfortable and like it’s the only thing the person asking can see when they look at me. I used to ask myself: ‘can’t they see that I am also a handsome man?’
I’m so grateful that I got into exercise when I did as I truly believe how you feel about yourself can determine your success in life.
I would not have achieved a first class honours degree in biomedical science or have become a motivational speaker if I had not been working on my confidence.
Now I help other people feel more comfortable with their bodies, and as a qualified social worker I also help children with low self-esteem.
I never imagined I would be able to go to the gym, let alone feel how I do now. I know that my scars make me a star.
You can find out more about Deji and his Scars2Stars initiative here.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2019/10/20/50-cent-gave-me-the-confidence-to-bare-my-scars-and-exercise-again-10936260/
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