Getting your heartbroken is tough, but when the same person does it twice, it’s particularly hard to cope.
In this week’s Sex Column, we hear from a reader who was left devastated after her long-term girlfriend broke up with her for a man.
When the pair reconciled for a night of passion months later, she thought they were back on track – only to be rejected again, leaving her more shattered than before.
Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to check out last week’s column from a man who was left feeling blindsided after discovering his friend with benefits was pregnant.
The problem…
I’m a gay female aged, 28, who has never been out with a guy – unlike my long-term ex-girlfriend, who is bisexual.
We were together for nearly three years before breaking up last summer when she got together with a guy on holiday, and decided our relationship had run its course.
I was absolutely devastated and spent six months getting over the split. I couldn’t sleep or eat and certainly couldn’t think about another relationship.
Meanwhile, my ex was posting happy snaps of herself and this boyfriend having a great time together, which felt like an arrow through my heart.
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Then, out of the blue, a few weeks ago, I bumped into her at a party. We had a heart-to-heart, and she said she really missed me, and it just wasn’t the same with this guy.
We ended up back at my place, where we had amazing sex, and I really thought we were back on track. She told me she still loved me and wanted to try again. But when I woke up the next morning, she had gone.
She left a note apologising and saying she’d made a mistake, that she hoped I would forgive her, and she wanted to continue with her boyfriend.
I cried so many tears I thought I would never stop. I’ve reached out to her numerous times, but she has now blocked me everywhere, so I can’t contact her any more.
I’m so angry with myself for believing her lies and allowing myself to be sucked in once again. I was just about getting over her, and now feel I’m back to square one.
The advice…
Please don’t blame yourself or feel you did anything wrong. What happened was natural, especially after a few drinks, and the feelings you had for this girl came understandably to the surface.
I know you’re hurting right now, but even though it feels like the end of the world, it really isn’t. Sometimes, there isn’t much you can do to relieve the pain except wait for the passage of time to do its work. It’s a very old cliché, but it’s so true – time is a great healer.
It was wrong of her to lead you on as she did, but maybe a few drinks clouded her judgment. If she hadn’t blocked you on social media, I’d have advised you to stop following her and looking at her pictures anyway.
You need to move forward from this relationship, and torturing yourself by keeping up with her every move is not going to let you do this.
It might help to give her the benefit of the doubt and tell yourself she didn’t play with your emotions through any malicious intent. Although you might find this difficult, letting go of the upset and anger you feel will help you move forward in a more positive way.
Healing is a gradual process, but eventually, you’ll be able to put this experience in the past where it belongs. Put all your energies into finding someone new who will love and respect you and give you the sort of relationship you want.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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