We all have a past. But does that make us undeserving of love?
This week’s reader is contemplating walking away from a love connection because the woman in question has a romantic past with some of his friends.
He ‘really cares for her’ but is struggling to get over the fact that his mates have claimed she has a ‘terrible reputation’.
Could something as trivial as a former fling or someone’s ‘body count’ really stand in the way of a possible future together?
Check out our expert’s advice below, but before you go, take a look at last week’s dilemma, a harrowing story from a woman sharing her story of abuse.
The problem…
I’ve been living and working abroad for three years but after my relationship broke up, I decided to return to the UK. Mentally I wasn’t in a great place, so I was really happy to reconnect with some old friends, who took me out and gave me the kick I needed to see the world in a more positive light again.
On one of our nights out, I got chatting to the barmaid, a girl I knew vaguely from school. She’s very pretty and bubbly, and it felt like she was just what I needed. I took her number and promised to call her.
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When I went back to my friends, they were all laughing and wanted to know how I’d got on. They thought it was hilarious when I said I planned to see her again, and eventually admitted that they’d nearly all slept with her. Apparently, she has the most terrible reputation and a couple of them even claim to have taken part in an orgy with her.
This news totally did my head in, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her and gave her a call. We arranged to meet up, at which point I just came straight out and told her what they’d said. To my amazement, she admitted it was all true and said she’d done some stupid things in the past.
I really care for her, but feel humiliated that she’s slept with most of my mates. She’s begged forgiveness and said she wants to see where it goes with me. Maybe I shouldn’t care, but I do.
The advice…
I don’t mean to be unkind because you’re obviously feeling upset by this, but ‘she’s begged forgiveness’? What on earth for?
This is 2026 and we’ve moved on from the days when guys who had lots of partners were just ‘Jack the Lads’ while girls who slept around were ‘old slappers’. I appreciate it may feel a little different when some of the men she’s had sex with are your friends, but honestly, you just need to ignore their jokes and do what you want to do.
If that involves continuing to see this girl, then so be it — there’s only so long they can carry on laughing about it, before it becomes old, irrelevant news.
Maybe some of the decisions she made in the past are not ones she’d make now, but all these things have made her the person she is today. The person you feel attracted to, who is bubbly and positive, and ‘just what you need’.
Only if this girl has a pattern of sleeping around and is likely to cheat on you, need you be concerned. Otherwise, just accept that it’s part of her history and not something you should worry about.
I’m sure she hasn’t asked you to list every sexual adventure you’ve had, and with whom. So if you really like her then just ignore your mates and go for it. It might work out, it might not, relationships don’t come with guarantees.
But please, don’t let it fail because of your friends and their stupid jokes.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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