There’s nothing like a classic romance story, and hearing tales of couples who stay together ’til death do us part has us queuing up The Notebook for Valentine’s Day.
But it’s no secret that, for those want it, maintaining a long-term relationship can take a huge amount of work.
Metro spoke to nine couples who have been together for decades — from 15 years to 75 — to share their biggest relationship tips for lasting love.
‘Have a monthly finance meeting’
Corinne & Jon: 20 years
It might not be sexy, but Corinne Card, from Brighton, and her husband Jon have a meeting once a month, to talk through their finances.
‘Go somewhere nice, enjoy some treats, and discuss every part of your finances with a positive attitude,’ Corinne, shares.
‘It’s a tricky habit at first but then you get used to it and it becomes fun. It makes life much more straightforward.
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‘People have very different attitudes to money but as long as you’re working together towards common goals you have a good chance of success and far fewer arguments and stress.’
‘Go on holiday without each other’
Amy & Matt: 15 years
Amy Carter, 40, has been with her husband Matt, 52, for almost 15 years, after the pair met on a night out in Liverpool.
Amy says: ‘It’s important to us that we keep our independent lives. I have an active social life, and love spending time with friends. I also try to go on at least one holiday a year without him.’
This year, Amy celebrated her 40th birthday in Ibiza. ‘Matt wasn’t invited – but he would have hated it anyway!
‘We had a big night out in Pikes, the club famous for being where Wham! filmed their Club Tropicana video. My friends and I got all dressed up, drank cocktails and danced around the pool. Both Matt and I would have been miserable if he’d been there.’
Meanwhile, Amy says Matt loves his alone time going for walks or enjoying a pint at the pub. ‘I’m very aware it’s time he enjoys spending without me.’
And ultimately, it brings them closer. ‘It means that when we are spending time together, we’re focused on each other, and are present in the moment.’
‘Be best friends in love’
Mavis & Ken: 75 years
Mavis, 97, and Ken, 98, have been together for 75 years. They met at a bookkeeping class in Bury St Edmunds when they were teenagers.
From the beginning, Mavis says Ken was ‘a respectful gentleman’. Meanwhile, Ken says it was ‘hard not to notice’ his now-wife.
Shortly after their love blossomed, Ken was called up for his national service. But for three-and-a-half years, they wrote letters to each other every week. They finally wed on November 12, 1949.
Mavis notes that they’ve ‘always been best friends in love.’ ‘Don’t see marriage as a trial before divorce,’ she says. ‘Marry someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
‘Help each other where you can. Laugh with each other, [as] you can’t be serious all of the time.’
Ken has always kissed Mavis both hello and goodbye – and it’s a habit they have continued long into their stay at their care home, Care UK’s Dashwood Manor.
Since Mavis now lives with Macular Degeneration, an eye disease that can blur your central vision, her sight has been fading for a few years, but she says that in many ways, Ken has ‘become her eyes.’
‘Treat your relationship like a bank account’
Catherine & Carl: 27 years
Catherine Erdly, 46, and her husband, Carl, also 46, from London, have been together for 27 years, and married for 23. She has a clever money metaphor for maintaining a harmonious marriage.
‘Think of relationships like a bank account,’ she tells Metro. ‘You want to make sure you’re in credit.
‘Every time you do something caring and thoughtful, or just plain helpful, it’s like making a deposit. Every time you have a bad day and get short-tempered, or mess up in some way, it’s a withdrawal. Always make sure you’re in the black.’
And, the pair live by a golden rule: ‘nothing you say at 3am counts.’
‘During the baby years, we realised that nobody is at their best and most gracious when they’ve woken up in the middle of the night,’ she says.
‘Sit back to back and talk to each other’
Gemma & Darren: 25 years
In June, Gemma Nice, 42, from Brighton, and her husband Darren, 47, will mark 25 years together. They met on a blind date, set up by a mutual friend.
But in 2006, the pair nearly ‘lost’ their relationship. Gemma was working night shifts, so rarely saw Darren. She was so stressed, her hair began to fall out.
And so, the pair went on a make or break backpacking holiday – and it healed them. In 2010, they got married and went on to have two children.
‘During the trip we had to navigate different countries and had to be there for each other. We learnt to listen to each other without interrupting and really being in the moment.’
Gemma says ‘active listening’ has been crucial in their relationship.
‘Being able to have the skills to actively listen and to be understood has really helped us to navigate our relationship successfully.
‘We often sit back to back and talk, which gives us the courage to talk without the other person interrupting.’
‘Follow the three-H rule’
Neela & Ganesh: 23 years
Neela Prabhu, 47, from London, met her husband, Ganesh, 52, in 2001, after being introduced by their parents. Two years later, they got married.
Both were born in the UK, but with Indian families, and they bonded over their similar backgrounds. More than two decades on, and they’re still just as in love.
Neela has a ‘three-H’ rule for their relationship: honesty, humour, and hugs, as well as planning date days, stand-up comedy nights, and cinema outings.
She also values intimacy. ‘Sex and being attracted to one another is still important,’ she says. ‘And men still need hugs just as much as women.
‘I also don’t talk to him when he’s tired or hungry,’ she jokes.
They also like to keep the romance in their relationship, and Neela says they write ‘very wordy cards’ to one another for Valentine’s Day.
‘Kiss a few frogs first‘
Emma & Kevin: 23 years
Emma Parsons-Reid, 57, from Cardiff, has been with her husband Kevin for 23 years and married for 19. Before she met him though, she had been married twice: once at 21, and again at 28.
As such, Emma’s biggest piece of relationship advice is to marry later. She was 39 and Kevin was 45 when they tied the knot.
‘Waiting means you know what you want in a partner. I’d kissed a few frogs first,’ she says.
‘Don’t lose hope of finding your match and say yes to every date that you’re asked on. Kev was not my type until he was.’
‘It hasn’t been easy for us,’ she says. ‘Friends were not supportive as we were quite different. Kev is very quiet and shy, but I’m more outspoken and confident. He calms me and in turn, I push him.
‘But if you believe in your love choice, trust yourself.’
Emma also notes that sex is important: ‘Keep having sex regularly. We still love sex and find the time in nights away or afternoons in bed to stay active.
‘It’s actually more special now as we don’t know how much time we have left together.’
‘Pay each other compliments’
Michelle & Mark Dunn: 38 years
Michelle Dunn, 56, from Birkenhead, has been married to husband Mark for two years, and together for 40.
After being happily together – but not married – for almost four decades – Michelle was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in December 2020. The pair decided that they would tie the knot when Michelle was given the all-clear.
‘We didn’t want a fuss, so we booked a “just the two of us” wedding package at Gretna Green’, Michelle says. ‘We had a meal for 30 family members when we came back.’
Now, Michelle is cancer-free and ‘living her best life.’ She’s committed to raising money for Cancer Research UK through Race for Life and even abseiled from a cathedral.
Her health journey has taught her that supporting each other through ups and downs in a marriage is essential.
‘When I was diagnosed Mark gave me so much strength and continues to tell me how strong I am. This has made us stronger as a team,’ Michelle says. ‘I believe we could get through anything together now.’
Michelle also says that kind words are still important, no matter how long you’ve been together.
‘One of my favourite things is that Mark still pays me compliments after all these years,’ Michelle shares.
‘Make time for laughter’
Nishtha & Mayur: 36 years
Nishtha, 56, from Kent, first met Mayur, 60, at a family wedding when she was 14, and he was 18. Though he didn’t notice her, she knew one day that they’d be married. She even told her cousin as much.
‘My father also really liked him and he knew the family,’ Nishtha reflects.
Four years later, Nishtha’s dad set up an initial meeting between the potential couple, and sparks flew. And even when her family moved Stateside, the Atlantic Ocean wasn’t enough to keep the pair apart, who kept in touch by writing letters.
‘When I was 21 I came back to visit him and attend my best friend’s wedding. We literally had one day together, but both knew that this was going to work.’
Fast forward to 2025 and the pair, who live in Kent together, have been married for 35 years.
‘The best bit of advice that I can give is to communicate. If you don’t then so many different issues arise,’ she advises.
‘Make time for laughter as that is also so important and of course, never go to bed arguing.’
How to keep the spark alive in long-term relationships
Relationships do take work to maintain, even if you’re super loved up. In dating expert at happn Claire Rénie’s view, putting time in the diary to spend together is fundamental, even if it’s just for a walk.
‘If you’re struggling to find quality time to spend together, why not organise a particular time every week to do this? Organising your time together in this way creates time just for you two, and could be an opportunity to encourage intimacy as well as doing new activities together or exploring new places,’ Claire advises.
Similarly, communication is the foundation of all relationships. If there’s no communication there, then there’s no relationship, so nailing this is absolutely key.
‘Communication plays a vital role in managing your expectations for the relationship and navigating conflict, so it is not something to be neglected. Remember, honesty is always the best policy, and you might find it brings you closer together,’ Claire adds.
And finally, it’s critical to ensure you’ve got your own hobbies and interests outside of the relationship so that you don’t lose yourself.
‘It can be easy to be all consumed by your relationship, but making sure you’re spending time on yourself and having some independence allows you to get the best of both worlds,’ Claire concludes.
‘Practising self-care can take many forms, but having some time apart within your day or week will make sure you’re working on being happier in yourself, and subsequently in your relationship.’
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