Ask almost any woman and she will have a story.
About the time she ran home holding her keys; the time she got off the Tube a stop early, or when she needed a random stranger to step in as her long-lost best friend.
Each and every story will have a common theme: The woman telling it feared for her safety because of a man.
Women can, of course, cause one another harm. Yet men are not only statistically more likely to commit criminal acts, but they are more likely to perpetrate violence against women than other women are.
ONS data also reveals that women are more likely than men to have experienced violent crime, and these violent crimes against women and girls increased 37% between 2018 and 2023.
There were one million crimes against women and girls recorded in England and Wales alone last year.
In the face of this, a huge proportion of men are eager to learn how to be better allies. Below are some of the most ubiquitous scenarios where women feel unsafe, and what men can do to help.
What to do if a loved one is at risk from domestic abuse
If you feel that it’s safe, approaching them gently and considerately may be enough to encourage someone to speak out. Otherwise, reminding them of charities like Women’s Aid and Refuge might help them seek advice.
Ultimately, there are a multitude of ways you can help.
- Listen: Try active listening, where you really tune into what the other person is saying without bombarding them with questions. They may not feel comfortable talking about the abuse directly yet.
- Don’t judge: It’s easy to fall into the trap of being critical, either towards the abuser or the victim for apparently ‘choosing’ to stay in the relationship. Avoid being negative about their partner – understand that your friend or relative may still love them, whatever your own point of view.
- Believe: Avoid phrases like, ‘But they’ve always been so nice to me’ or ‘I can’t imagine them doing that’. Take in what your loved one is telling you with an open mind and reassure them that you are there for them.
- Support: Acknowledging domestic abuse is a process. Offering advice on what constitutes abuse or sharing details for helplines, as long as it is safe to do so, gives your friend or relative the time and space they need to come to terms with what’s happening and decide what – if any – action they want to take.
- Plan: If your loved one feels ready to leave a domestically abusive situation, you can help. Research non-local taxi numbers and transport timetables, or provide items needed in an emergency bag. You might also consider creating a safe word between you and your loved one that signals that they need help, and work out how you are going to call for support.
Remember: Support is out there, however you are involved, and you are not alone.
Read more here
If you are walking near a woman at night…
Keep your distance. Whether a street is lit or dark, busy or deserted, slowing your speed, staying well back or crossing the road, helps to reassure women that you are not a threat.
This is especially pertinent in the darker months of winter, as many women feel unsafe stepping out alone after dark. Research carried out by This Girl Can found that half (48%) of women prefer not to be active outside after dark and six in 10 (60%) are concerned about being sexually harassed or intimidated.
Don’t try and speak to women you don’t know (unless you are concerned for her) and encourage your friends not to either. Even benign comments can make a woman feel insecure.
If you are on public transport…
According to the British Transport Police Authority (BTPA), the number of recorded violent crimes against women and girls on the UK travel network increased by 20% in the year 2023-24.
The same figures revealed that 31 women or girls are violently assaulted every day. Yet these are incidents that have been reported – few are.
On a macro level, suggestions for keeping women and girls safer range from redesigning infrastructure on travel routes to improved reporting systems and drives to hire more women across transport networks.
Yet the biggest difference can come from men on a personal level. Firstly, try not to stand too close to women where possible, and avoid staring at anyone.
And if you see a woman being harassed, the advice from Transport for London is to be an active bystander: Engage the victim – while ignoring the aggressor – with a benign question such as the time or offering a seat. This non-confrontational intervention can help diffuse a situation.
If it doesn’t seem safe to get involved directly, you can still approach a woman after an incident to put yourself forward as a witness, check they are safe or just to offer reassurance.
This Is Not Right
On November 25, 2024 Metro launched a year-long campaign to address the relentless epidemic of violence against women called This Is Not Right.
Throughout the year we will be bringing you stories that shine a light on the sheer scale of the epidemic.
With the help of our partners at Women's Aid, This Is Not Right aims to educate, engage and empower our readers on the issue of violence against women.
You can find recent articles from the project here, and if you want to share your story with us, you can send us an email at vaw@metro.co.uk.
Read more:
- Introducing This Is Not Right: Metro's year-long violence against women campaign
- Yvette Cooper's message to abusers and rapists: The streets don't belong to you
- Remembering the women killed by men in 2024
- Stories about violence against women don't make an impact - this is why
- Men - we need your help to end violence against women
- What to do if your loved one is at risk from domestic abuse
UN Women UK has developed the Stop, Support, Report framework. Stop and offer your help by creating a distraction. For example, by stopping to ask for directions or making eye contact with the target and giving them the opportunity to ask you for help.
Support the person to safety by checking what would make them feel safe. For example, walking with them to the bus or train, or calling a taxi and waiting with them until a friend arrives.
Finally, Report if they want you to by calling 999, texting British Transport Police on 61016 or alerting the security or management team of the event or space you’re in.
Tabitha Morton, Executive Director for UN Women UK says: ‘When we intervene, we signal to perpetrators that their behaviour is unacceptable. If this message is constantly reinforced within our communities and our workplaces, we can shift the boundaries of what is considered acceptable.
‘It’s on all of us to enact meaningful change by adapting our behaviour to help defuse situations, discourage harassers, and support victims.’
If you witness domestic abuse in public…
The first, and often best tactic if you witness an act of domestic violence is to call the police, especially if the victim is in immediate harm and it’s not safe for you to intervene.
However, there is a risk that involving the police can make matters worse – it might escalate any violence, for example, or the victim might be undocumented.
The same guidance for being on public transport applies here: Direct your attention to the victim rather than the aggressor to try and disrupt the abuse.
If possible, then try and move the victim to a busy, well lit space where you can ensure she is physically alright. Offer the use of your phone if it’s safe to do so (her own digital contact may be surveilled by her abuser) and if it feels appropriate, you can give them your own details to follow up or the helpline for a domestic abuse charity.
If you come across a woman who is unconscious or drunk…
Men are often wary of intervening if they find a woman unconscious or drunk, for fear of the optics or scaring the woman they are trying to help. However, the advice is always to stay with them.
The ambulance service should be your first phone call if a woman is unconscious and you are unable to rouse her – she could be suffering with alcohol poisoning or having an unrelated medical emergency. Ask around for help, too: this could be from bar staff, door staff or your own friends.
If the woman is conscious, keep your body language non-threatening by avoiding physical contact as much as possible and try to locate her nearby friends or family without leaving her alone. Be especially wary of other men who claim to be her partner or boyfriend without having evidence.
Offering choices rather than demands – ‘Would you like some water?’ versus ‘Drink this’ – can help to keep someone calm, as can keeping them distracted by chatting about your interests or non-confrontational subjects.
If they can help you access their phone, check for a named emergency contact or ask who they would like you to ring. Reassure them that their safety is paramount; a call to Mum or Dad might seem mortifying at the time but can potentially be life-saving.
Learn more about Rape Crisis
Rape Crisis is a feminist charity working to end rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment, child sexual abuse – and all other forms of sexual violence.
Whether it happened recently, or a long time ago; whether you know without a doubt that you experienced sexual violence, or aren't quite sure; whether it happened to you, or someone you know; Rape Crisis will always believe you and listen to you, and they can offer you information and support.
You can find out more about Rape Crisis here; and if you're aged 16 or over, you can call the charity's 24/7 support line for free on 0808 500 2222.
If you spot a woman being harassed in a bar…
On a night out, it’s not uncommon to see or overhear a woman who seems uncomfortable in the presence of a man.
The tip off could be anything from the woman’s body language (cowering, searching around, being pinned in her space) to hearing misogynistic or negging language, or a woman who is clearly trying to end the conversation.
The government’s Enough campaign offers advice on how to step in safely using the acronym STOP.
Firstly, you could say something. You can insert yourself into the conversation, saying something like, ‘I couldn’t help but overhear…’ or you can be more direct, turning to the man in question and telling him his language is inappropriate.
You can also tell someone else. This may be a member of staff at the bar or security personnel, who are often able to escalate the situation to involve the police if needed.
A softer approach is to offer support: This could involve anything from checking on the woman after the interaction is over to filming it on your phone and helping her to report it if necessary.
You can also be just as supportive by leaving her alone if that’s what she asks you to do.
The safest option may be to simply cause a diversion. If safe to do so, engage the victim in benign conversation or, if you feel bold enough, approach her as her ‘friend’ or ‘colleague’ and steer her towards somewhere she feels safer.
If you are worried about a relative or friend…
It’s not always easy to get involved if you think a female friend or family member is suffering harassment or abuse – it can be hard to know what to do or say. Whether your loved one is struggling at home, at work or with relatives, there are ways you can be there for her.
As tempting as it might seem, however, do not confront the person you suspect as being the abuser. According to domestic abuse charity Woman’s Trust, this could exacerbate the situation, putting you in danger and potentially worsening any abuse your loved one is already suffering.
In cases of domestic abuse, intervening can also encourage an abuser to isolate his victim, either initially or even further, which may prevent her from seeking help.
Instead, try talking to your friend one on one. Explain your concerns – and then listen. She may not be ready to talk about or name the abuse, or to leave an abusive situation if she can.
If she does open up and expresses a wish to get out, help her prepare. This might mean helping her pack an escape bag, composing a resignation letter or seeking legal advice.
Whatever the situation, knowing that you care, and that she’s not alone, can be invaluable.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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