The cost of fertility treatment varies drastically, with some couples paying £5,000 and others forking out more than £15,000 in a bid to start a family.
Everything from ultrasounds, to semen analysis, and even your postcode can have an impact on the overall price.
Understandably, the stress this causes — both financial, physical, and emotional — can take a major toll on a relationship, and while some partners will work through these challenges together, others aren’t so willing to share the load.
One woman has recently caused a stir online after claiming that her husband has left her to handle the cost of IVF treatment herself, as she is the one ‘struggling with infertility’.
Writing anonymously on Reddit, she explains that she’s been married to her husband for 13 years and they’ve spent a long time trying to have a baby, but have unfortunately been unsuccessful.
She says this is due to her own medical issues, and the struggle to get pregnant has taken a toll on them both.
After taking a break from trying to conceive, the wife recently broached the topic of IVF with her husband and he seemed keen to try it. However, she claims the cost ‘had him hesitating’, despite the fact that they have enough money saved to afford it.
‘I spoke to him about it and he said he wasn’t sure we should take this route,’ she says. ‘He pointed out how one session isn’t guaranteed and that we’d have to pay for more.
‘Again, I mentioned how he and I can afford it with our money combined, he looked at me intently then told me that “logically”, since I’m the cause of infertility then he thought that I should handle the cost of IVF sessions by myself.
‘I was shocked I couldn’t even muster a response to what he said.
‘I felt so hurt I exploded on him and he acted like I was being unreasonable, and then said he was not obligated to pay for “my own medical issues”. I lost it and decided to pack my stuff and go stay with my mother. No response from him after that. Just a text stating “truth hurts” that he sent when I rejected his phone call.’
She goes on to say that her family took her husband’s side, claiming she was ‘overriding’ his feelings, and he had the right to share how he felt.
People in the comments were quick to tell the woman they thought her husband’s behaviour was inappropriate and she didn’t ‘overreact’. One fellow Reddit user even claimed it was ‘one of the s***tiest things [they’d] seen written’ on the forum.
Meanwhile, a user named u/SweetyChickkk replied: ‘Your husband’s comments were incredibly hurtful and insensitive. It’s a shared journey, not just your “medical issue”. You deserve support and understanding, not blame.’
Others branded the husband a ‘red flag’, and said his actions and words had been ‘cruel’. As such they urged the woman to consider leaving him.
u/StrawberriesRGood4U posted: ‘Your husband has violated his marriage vows in the most egregious way possible — he has violated the “in sickness and in health” clause.
‘Your next call is to a divorce attorney. Best of luck. This absolutely sucks.’
But is ending the relationship actually the next port of call? We asked an expert what their advice would be for a couple in this situation, and it seems it’s a bit more complicated than that.
Georgina Sturmer, an MBACP accredited relationship counsellor, told Metro.co.uk: ‘A journey through fertility treatment can be marked by all kinds of relationship challenges, and this can all be made tougher by the fact that none of this happens in isolation. Life continues around us, and we might also be juggling other worries, stresses, or fears.
‘It’s also important to acknowledge that if we need to seek fertility treatment, particularly if we haven’t expected it, then this can strike a challenge to our hopes and expectations for the future. It can destabilise or put into question the way that we imagine our life path to be.
‘All of these factors can be a source of conflict within our relationship, and we don’t always know how to navigate this. For some couples, this might feel like the first big roadblock that they have faced, or the first time that they have come against something that feels like it is totally out of their control.
‘Underneath all these challenges, there can sometimes be underlying feelings of blame or resentment or frustration, and it sounds like that’s what is happening here — that a feeling of blame or responsibility is being placed on the shoulders of one party.
‘If we are faced with this situation, it’s important to reflect on what it means for our relationship more widely.’
As such, Georgina claims there’s an important question you should ask yourself:
Does this behaviour fit within the context of a respectful, caring, mutual relationship?
She also advises people to consider whether there might be any underlying issues that your partner is struggling to articulate. Perhaps something else is making them feel unhappy or dissatisfied within your relationship and they are projecting these feelings onto the issue at hand.
‘This represents a type of displacement, when we subconsciously redirect our feelings from one target onto another,’ Georgina adds.
It’s then important to find a way to effectively communicate your thoughts, feelings and expectations with your partner.
In order to propery address the problem, the expert recommends making space to do the following:
- Understand your own feelings. This might involve journalling, talking to a trusted friend, seeking a therapist in order to let it out and see what’s really going on.
- Consider how and when to talk to your partner. Find a situation and a time when both parties are feeling calm and ready to talk through the issue.
- Use ‘I statements’ to frame how you are feeling. This helps to express our own responses without apportioning blame.
- Understand what a solution might look like. This may involve compromise or negotiation.
- Consider seeking external support, such as couples therapy, in order to find a way to discuss the issues at hand.
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