Almost half of women have faked an orgasm in bed, but just because it’s common, it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
This week we hear from a reader who’s been utilising her acting skills for the best part of three years. In that time, she hasn’t climaxed once with her partner — not that he is aware.
The pantomime has carried on for so long, she’s not sure how to undo the damage.
Read the straight-talking advice below, but before you go check out last week’s dilemma, where a jealous wife had been caught searching her husband’s pockets for condoms.
The problem…
I’ve been pretending to have orgasms with my boyfriend throughout our three-year relationship. He has no idea and thinks we have a great sex life, and I know it would really hurt if I told him the truth.
I read an article recently saying some women have four or five climaxes in succession, whereas I’d be grateful to have just one. I know I should stop faking, but I’ve done it so long now that I don’t know how to get out of it.
I’ve tried discussing orgasms in an abstract way, by talking about other people or showing him articles on the subject. But it doesn’t seem to occur to him that he has a problem, and he just says how lucky we are not to have any issues in that area.
If I’m honest, I think he is pretty clueless about sex full stop, as I’ve had previous partners who were way more adventurous. We rarely do anything other than the missionary position, and sex is never spontaneous or exciting. It’s always in bed, and always boring and predictable. Sometimes he’s humping away for half an hour or so and I just can’t wait for him to get off.
Without wishing to be too explicit, if I ever want to climax, I have to look after myself.
He’s such a lovely guy in so many ways, but the thought of spending the rest of my life frustrated like this is depressing.
Laura says…
I’m curious as to why you think it’s up to your partner to bring you to orgasm, when sex is an act between the two of you. Maybe he thinks you just lay there like a sack of spuds and doesn’t want to say it!
If you don’t climax during intercourse, don’t complain that your partner isn’t ‘doing it right’. Take responsibility for your own sexual responses and tell him what turns you on and what doesn’t. The problem with faking it all this time, is that you’ve given him the idea that all is well.
Since you obviously know what stimulates you to orgasm, then share that knowledge with him; keeping it secret has doubtless contributed to the problem.
Sexual responses fluctuate and everyone likes variety, so just tell him you want to try something different. Instead of expecting your partner to satisfy you, suggest changes that will make sex a better experience for both of you. If you find the bedroom boring, then seduce him somewhere else; the only rule is that you should both enjoy it.
Only a minority of women are brought to orgasm by intercourse alone, and since some people enjoy sex without climaxing, neither of you should feel pressure to reach those heights every time. You could also enlist the help of a sex therapist, who will point you in the right direction.
If you’ve spent three years together, you must both be happy in other ways. For two people who love one another, solving this problem should be easy.
source https://metro.co.uk/2024/03/02/faked-every-orgasm-boyfriend-three-years-20381132/
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