For Black and Black-mixed women, the social media discourse, newspaper headlines, and incessant discussion about Meghan Markle in the aftermath of her Oprah interview has been a lot to handle.
From the fresh accusations of bullying, to the questioning of her race and Blackness, and the upsetting revelations in the interview itself – including speculations about the skin-tone of her unborn child and her struggles with her mental health – for many Black and mixed women in the UK, these issues will be painfully familiar.
With clockwork regularity, the wider conversation has now shifted to examining whether racism is a factor in how Meghan is perceived and treated in the media and beyond. Black and mixed women are once again having to justify and prove their lived experiences in the face of flat denials and gaslighting on media platforms and in everyday interactions, which is incredibly draining.
Hearing constant debates about the existence of racism and anti-Blackness, alongside the questioning and suspicion about Meghan’s actions and motives, is triggering and deeply exhausting for many Black and mixed women as it speaks to their own experiences, and their own trauma.
We asked Black and mixed women to share how they are feeling in this moment, and what strategies they are using to cope:
Ashlea, 28, Cambridgeshire
Being exposed to the continued negative narrative on Meghan is, quite honestly, exhausting.
Being a woman of colour in the UK and frequently listening to those who are blatant and brutal in voicing racist opinions of Meghan, and those who disguise their distaste with other accusations, really makes you reflect inwardly towards what this means for you as a mixed-race women in British society.
You find yourself questioning how people perceive you and it poses the question, what are we expected to do as women of colour to earn genuine, long lasting respect in society? How and at what point in time will our values, skills and kindness be the things that we are judged on and responded to – rather than the colour of our skin, or our heritage?
Being exposed to the continued negative narrative on Meghan is, quite honestly, exhausting.
Being mixed-race has multilayered challenges – you can fall victim to racism from all angles, often we experience extreme levels of imposter syndrome and many of my peers have experienced an identify crisis at some point in their lives.
Instances like this heighten that feeling – for this trauma to be experienced by someone who has achieved and accomplished, a beautiful women who champions gender equality, is a successful actress, a wife and mother – what does this mean for those of us who aren’t?
This discourse often reaffirms underlying self doubt that we as women of colour often feel. And long-term, this can lead to physical symptoms of stress, lack of sleep, overwhelm, avoiding certain spaces, certain people and often depression.
Kay, Oregon
Watching Meghan and Harry over the years has been like watching my own experiences – raw and unrelenting. Knowing the reason, but no one validating it. It hurt. It still hurts.
Living as a Black person in the global West is exhausting, taxing, and draining – both mentally and physically. Even before the Oprah interview, just seeing the headlines about Meghan Markle in the Royal Family was so gut-wrenching.
Like Meghan, I am a mixed Black woman, who falls somewhere along the arbitrary line of looking ‘racially ambiguous’. Although I am always a Black woman, people don’t always see me as being Black, or being Black enough.
Like Meghan, I’ve had people gaslight me in situations and say, ‘it’s not about race.’
Knowing the reason, but no one validating it. It hurt. It still hurts.
When my Black mother gave birth to me, my white father’s family demanded a paternity test, even though they were married at the time. I was apparently way too dark to be his child. What followed was years of me hearing my paternal family make negative remarks about my mother. I was the only grandchild that slept in the basement room, while my cousins had rooms upstairs on the main floor. I was also the only granddaughter that never received a birthday card or have any photos hung on the walls. I was treated differently, and they didn’t have an explanation for that.
It’s a barrage of outside attacks, with very little support or protection, and you are silenced because you aren’t even seen for their dissection of you to be an issue.
Armarni, 25, Sheffield
In the lead up to the Oprah interview, my morning habits changed significantly. I found myself unable to watch morning TV because of the daily barrage of abuse aimed at Meghan.
When you see constant racism and misogynoir towards someone who looks like you, it’s difficult not to internalise it. On days where it seems like the whole country has such hatred for Meghan, a deep-rooted dislike they ‘just can’t put their finger on’ – I want to cry.
Meghan’s treatment highlights what so many Black and mixed women have and continue to experience when placed in the centre of white environments. It also shows just how far we have to go.
On days where it seems like the whole country has such hatred for Meghan, that they ‘just can’t put their finger on’ – I want to cry.
Navigating interracial relationships is an experience that would take a multi-volume novel to unpack, so seeing its nuances play out in the press was quite triggering. I have a son myself who is Archie’s age, born days apart – he also has a white father. So, some of Meghan’s experiences are very familiar to me. I also faced countless questions from my partner’s family about the possible skin colour of my unborn child.
I have never met this woman, but I feel such a connection with her because I know as a six-year-old brown girl who only saw white princesses on TV, Meghan is who I would have wanted to be when I grew up.
Brenda, London
As a Black woman and mother to biracial children, the Meghan discourse has affected me and served as a reminder that no matter how progressive we’ve become as a society, no matter how many times we use the phrase Black Lives Matter, we still have some way to go in regards to our attitudes on race.
Personally, I am shocked and disappointed by the number of people co-signing a conversation between a white family member and a white father about to have a dual heritage child, on how dark the baby’s skin might be and ‘what that would mean or look like’ – it astounds me.
It highlights just how little the pain of Black and brown women means in general.
Black and brown people know exactly what was meant by that question, and many of us asked ourselves how the Royal Family would handle it if Archie took on Doria’s complexion rather than that of his parents. The conversation clearly had a racial undertone.
The lack of sympathy for Meghan, even as she spoke about her mental health with everyone knowing that she suffered a miscarriage last year, I find truly upsetting.
It highlights just how little the pain of Black and brown women means in general.
Whatever we may think of Meghan, by diminishing her pain, we are doing the same thing that has been done to Black and brown women for years. It is the same attitude that leads to Black women not getting the emotional and medical support they require.
Izabelle, 23, London
Watching and reading snippets of Meghan’s treatment within the Royal Family brought back painful memories of how white family members – who are meant to unconditionally love you – are still harbouring concerns about your ‘Black side’.
I was born to a white British mother and a Black Trinidadian father. My mum informed me when I was old enough to know that my white grandparents were not keen on her marriage to a Black man and were not particularly happy about her pregnancy.
The voices of Black mixed women are so often dismissed and invalidated.
I remember at 8 years old, I was at my Nan’s house with my curls on show. My Nan chuckled and said, ‘oh she’s so cute, she looks like a gollywog’.
My mum was furious and instantly snapped; ‘please don’t call her that!’ She was met with a reply of, ‘I’m her Nan I can call her what I like.’ This replays vividly in my mind, and is part of the reason why I now have no contact with my grandparents. I have realised people can’t truly love you if they only tolerate you.
Reading comments online regarding how Archie’s skin tone was of concern and the accusations that Meghan had made it up, that it ‘didn’t happen’ – it reminds me that the voices of Black mixed women are so often dismissed and invalidated.
Seeing these comments and dismissals of her mental health triggers a feeling of hopelessness for me. It makes me feel that people would prefer you to shut up and not speak about your experiences, otherwise you will be vilified and seen as difficult.
In terms of coping, I am careful with social media. After a scrolling through a few comments, I refuse to read any more if it ignites a feeling of anger, or I feel myself starting to question my self-worth.
I also choose the people I have around me very closely, including family. If you don’t truly understand my experiences, then you don’t understand me and therefore cannot truly love me. I am very understanding of other’s opinions, but not when it comes to my existence and treatment as a human being.
How to cope if you feel emotionally drained
There has been little escape from the conversation over the last few weeks. So, if you are feeling overwhelmed and drained, you are not alone in this.
Many Black and mixed women are torn between wanting to engage, show support and share stories, with the need to protect their mental energy and overall wellbeing.
Sharnade George, clinical director at Cultureminds Therapy, says it is understandable that hearing about Meghan’s experiences can cause a kind of vicarious trauma for people who have experienced similar.
‘We’ve heard a lot about institutional racism and to hear Meghan reported experiencing this within the Royal establishment is concerning and heartbreaking, leaving many people feeling angered and upset,’ Sharnade tells Metro.co.uk. ‘We have also heard stories of multiracial individuals feeling excluded from communities.
‘With Meghan and her son being mixed-race, the sense of vulnerability and questioning of her identity can be psychologically damaging, which can leave Meghan – and others who have experienced similar difficulties – feeling traumatised and struggling with upsetting emotions, memories and anxiety. Research suggests that experiencing racism can be very stressful and have a negative effect on overall health and mental health.’
Qualified psychologist Lee Chambers MSc MBPsS, says the intense and inescapable coverage of the Meghan discourse will be emotionally draining for many.
‘Being exposed to the coverage is likely to take us back to a time when we experienced something similar, and bring to the forefront the same emotions we experienced at the time – from frustration to anger, helplessness to sadness,’ explains Lee.
‘When it comes to coping with this torrent of coverage, we should become aware of how it is making us feel by taking some time to disconnect and identify and write down how we feel.
‘With this awareness, we can start to monitor how the media we consume is impacting us, separating ourselves from it when we need to, and limiting what we consume around the topic.’
Lee says the ability to make these empowered choices is really important when we are dealing with situations that take us back to a time when we felt powerless.
‘It is also vital that we intentionally book some time for self-care, as racial trauma will impact our mental wellbeing,’ he adds. ‘Make time for restful or creative pursuits, and make a concerted effort to eat well, sleep well and get outside and move.
‘It is also essential to we don’t just suppress how we feel, and a great way to ensure we express it healthily is to share our experience with others who are feeling the same way.’
Knowing you are not alone in feeling this way is so vital in helping us cope, says Lee. He says this collective understanding can help people to come together to create spaces to challenge the narrative and provide space for others.
‘Now, more than ever, it is a time to be kind to ourselves, look after each other and find an empowered way to process our feelings,’ say Lee. ‘This may include seeking professional support, and as we start to understand and recognise it, we become better placed to explore ways to cope effectively.’
The State of Racism
This series is an in-depth look at racism in the UK in 2020 and beyond.
We aim to look at how, where and why individual and structural racism impacts people of colour from all walks of life.
It's vital that we improve the language we have to talk about racism and continue the difficult conversations about inequality - even if they make you uncomfortable.
We want to hear from you - if you have a personal story or experience of racism that you would like to share get in touch: metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk
Do you have a story to share? We want to hear from you.
Get in touch: metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk.
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Harry and Meghan's Oprah interview: Key moments
Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have spoken to Oprah Winfrey in a bombshell interview about their decision to step back as senior working members of the Royal Family.
Here are the key points from the interview, which UK viewers can watch at 9pm on ITV on Monday, March 8.
- Meghan says it was Kate who made her cry over flower girls, not other way round
- Meghan says Harry was told there were ‘concerns how dark’ Archie would be
- Harry and Meghan reveal the gender of their baby due in summer
- Meghan sobs as she says pressures of royal life drove her to the verge of suicide
- Prince Charles stopped taking Harry’s calls after he quit Royal Family
- Harry says Meghan saved him from being ‘trapped’ like Prince Charles and Prince William are
- Princess Diana would be ‘sad and angry about how this has panned out'
- Meghan and Harry share adorable new video of son Archie at the beach
- Harry confirms terrible rift with William and says their relationship is now just ‘space’
- Queen ‘ghosted Harry during Megxit talks and got aide to say she was too busy’
source https://metro.co.uk/2021/03/09/the-meghan-markle-discourse-is-triggering-for-black-and-mixed-women-14207721/
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