I started gambling when I was 11 and my addiction has cost me more than £700,000

Matt and betting slips
I was 11 when I started gambling (Picture: Matt Banks)

If I was addicted to drugs and alcohol, you’d probably be able to spot it. But unless I disclosed the amount of money I’d frittered away through bets, you’d have no idea I was a gambling addict. 

Yet the truth is, over the last two decades, I’ve lost over £700,000 –  including a £100,000 inheritance from my great aunt and £200,000 of my dad’s savings.

I was just 11 when I first started gambling. Back then it was just with pennies as I played cards with my grandad. It planted the seed that betting wasn’t a problem, it was just fun, a game.

At school, while my mates were off playing football, I’d be playing the card games he’d taught me, for money.

Grandad also used to show me the horse racing and he’d take me to the bookies where we’d put bets on the races together. I won my first bet at 33 to one and was hooked from that moment. Even his friends would sometimes give me money to bet with. My parents were splitting up at the time, so these little trips out offered me some sort of comfort. 

When I was 15, I started going to the betting shop independently. Two years later, I blew £1,000 of inheritance I’d got after my grandmother died, on a horse.

When it happened it was the first time I thought I had to make my money back and win back my losses. In hindsight, that was probably a huge turning point for me. 

Within a year, I was actually working in the bookies and it felt like I’d landed my dream job. 

I’d put on so many bets, easily blowing my entire pay packet in one day. When my wages ran out I’d find different ways to fund my habit and would often ask my family for cash. 

Somehow, I persuaded my dad that I had a system to guarantee a win and within two months he’d parted with over £150,000. 

I lost every penny, but was always too ashamed to come clean to my dad and instead convinced him that his money was tied up in future bets. I assured him that a good opportunity was on its way for a quick win so Dad released even more funds. 

I remember one Sunday losing a staggering £40,000 in just six hours. I’d been desperately trying to win back his money, but each bet failed and by the end of the day I just felt numb with shock. I still didn’t stop though.

When I felt I couldn’t ask my dad for any more money I got out loans and used credit cards with £10,000 limits to fund my addiction. 

I lied about my job and what I earned so I could get the maximum credit amount and continued to bet every day.

I knew I was spiralling into unmanageable debt but couldn’t open up to anyone. I just couldn’t bear the thought of telling my dad and letting him down, as he’d always been there for me. It had never been my intention to get in so deep and to lose his money – how do you face up to that?

I felt so much shame and guilt, and that I had let so many people down.

Matt
I was in total denial (Picture: Matt Banks)

By 2013 I was in a relationship and had two children. Although my partner knew I liked to gamble, she had no idea just how bad my problem was.

When the postman came, I would hide any bank statements and I kept my phone with me at all times as I had over 15 gambling apps installed. I even took it to the bathroom so she couldn’t see how many I had. 

It got to the point that my partner even thought I was having an affair.

Eventually, she discovered the truth when she managed to see my phone and found a pile of bank statements I had been unable to hide. 

When she confronted me, I felt totally lost. I knew I should have been at my happiest – I had two children and a loving family unit, but gambling had left me feeling isolated and lonely.

In some ways, I was still in total denial. I’d even look at the customers where I worked and think they had a problem, when in reality I was much worse.

I promised my partner I would get help for my gambling but I didn’t. The truth was it was just lip service, I didn’t want to stop. 

In the end, in 2016 and after countless broken promises, she left. I was heartbroken, but I couldn’t blame her. 

Still, I carried on gambling. 

By 2018 things had got so bad I couldn’t see any way out. I was in thousands of pounds of debt. I felt like I’d reached a point of no return and simply couldn’t cope anymore. 

I had let so many people down. I really felt that everyone would be better off without me, so I tried to take my own life.

Thankfully, I wasn’t successful and when I woke up in my flat a few hours later I instantly thought about my kids and knew I had to get help.  

On June 17 2018 I placed my last bet. Afterwards, I came clean to my employer at the bookies, who put me in touch with an organisation called BetKnowMore UK, which supports those with gambling addictions. 

Through them, I went on an intensive three-month treatment course, which included one-to-one sessions with recovering addicts, as well as cognitive behavioural therapy and peer group therapy.

I also used banking blocks and GamStop, a free service which puts controls in place to help restrict online gambling activities, to cut off accessibility to my apps.

I went from someone who couldn’t go 24 hours without having a bet to lasting two weeks, then three… It’s been two years now and I haven’t had a bet since. 

I also began volunteering for BetKnowMore, as I wanted to use my experience to help others. In December, I started working for them full time as Service Manager for Peer Aid for BetKnowMore UK and have helped 25 people kick their addiction since.

Now, I feel like I can finally be who I should have been without my addiction. Recently, my dad said he was proud of me and I was in bits after that.

I’ll always be sad I can’t get that time back. I’ve never been able to own a house due to my bad credit rating, but it’s not all about the money. It has cost me a lot elsewhere. 

I haven’t spoken to my mum or brother for over a decade. Mum bailed me out when I was 19 and £20k in debt. I told her I would stop but of course didn’t, so in the end she decided to disown me. My brother did the same as he was so angry with me after I lost so much money belonging to Dad. 

But I can’t change the past, I can only be the best version of myself today and help others moving forward.

As told to Louisa Gregson

GAMSTOP provides gamblers the ability to self-exclude from relevant websites. Visit gamstop.co.uk for more information. (NB. Pls keep credit.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.

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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/12/22/i-lost-over-700000-as-a-gambling-addict-13789922/
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