When we’re born, we’re all given a name, and whether we like it or not, it’s a big part of our identity.
For a parent who is adopting a child, their little one will probably have been given a name by their birth parent.
Children, even babies, will understand and recognise their name and changing that can be incredibly confusing.
While their surname will be changed to that of the adoptive parent, it’s rare to give a child a different first name.
Speaking to Metro.co.uk for Adoption Month, the Coram adoption team explains: ‘We encourage/advise adopters to understand the importance of the child’s first name and not to change this as it is part of their identity and birth family heritage and had been chosen for them by their birth parents.
‘It would be very exceptional circumstances when a change is considered and this, for example, would be connected to safeguarding.
‘We offer training to adoption applicants in assessment and the importance of the child’s birth name is one of the first things we cover. We also help people to understand that given all the losses and changes children, including babies, are experiencing that keeping their name is really important for them.
‘Even very young babies will respond to their given name quite quickly. Relinquished babies referred for adoption have a name given to them by their birth family and the advice remains the same.’
Adding a family connection
Of course, names can have a lot of meaning for new parents and they may have something important in their family they would like to pass down.
Sam (not her real name), who adopted her son last year explains: ‘All the oldest boys in my family have been given one of the same two names for generations – William and George. It was upsetting that my little boy wouldn’t follow the same pattern.
‘He was three when he came to us and his name was completely different and probably not something we’d have chosen but I did like it. Instead of fixating on it, we changed his middle name, giving him both William and George.’
Although children may already have middle names, more can be added at the point of the Adoption Order application when their surname changes to that of the adoptive family.
Coram adds that the age of the child is important when adoptive parents are thinking about this.
The charity spokesperson adds: ‘With older children, there would also be a discussion about this change as part of the legal process of becoming adopted. It takes time and work with the adoptive parent and social worker to support them to feel ready and comfortable with this change.’
What if you don’t like your child’s name?
Although an adoptive child’s name might not be something you would choose, their parents need to put their needs first.
When Elliot and Steve (not their real names) adopted their daughter they admit that while they fell in love with her profile, they were a little unsure when they found out her name.
Steve said: ‘We felt like she was ours and we heard her name and it was just something we would never have picked.
‘It sounds silly looking back now but it really freaked us out. She was only a baby and we sort of thought “oh it won’t matter if we do change it” but we realised how selfish that would be and our social worker explained and advised that wouldn’t be best.
‘We knew that making our daughter happy and helping her settle was more important than our worries.
‘As she got older, our daughter has naturally picked up a nickname (because she struggled to say her own name) and we love that. We know that when she is older, she’ll probably use her birth name because her nickname is not very professional but it does feel a little more personal for us.’
When can you make any changes to their name?
It’s also important to consider that you can’t change a child’s name the minute they become part of your family.
There is a time period where they will have come home but the Adoption Order has not been made.
Coram explains: ‘It is important to note that when a child is placed for adoption under the regulations the local authority remains their legal parent until the Adoption Order is made.
‘The local authority is therefore responsible regarding names and any change has to be with their agreement.’
When the adoption is made, you can change their surname and add middle names if that is right for your child.
MORE: Can biological parents regain custody of their child after adoption?
MORE: ‘I’ve felt the impact of being adopted for 50 years – there needs to be more ongoing support’
Adoption Month
Adoption Month is a month-long series covering all aspects of adoption.
For the next four weeks, which includes National Adoption Week from October 14-19, we will be speaking to people who have been affected by adoption in some way, from those who chose to welcome someone else's child into their family to others who were that child.
We'll also be talking to experts in the field and answering as many questions as possible associated with adoption, as well as offering invaluable advice along the way.
If you have a story to tell or want to share any of your own advice please do get in touch at adoptionstories@metro.co.uk.
source https://metro.co.uk/2020/10/29/can-you-change-an-adopted-childs-birth-name-13495018/
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