Entrepreneur Shai Fisherman had been married to his wife Danielle for 19 years when he decided he wasn’t having his needs met.
The 46-year-old, from Pennsylvania, felt the nature of monogamy prevented him from growing as a person.
Inspired by a TV show about polyamory, Shai and Danielle decided to open up their marriage.
But the situation didn’t work for Danielle and they broke up six years ago.
In 2016, Shai met two new women, Lea, 40, and Krissy, 41, on an online dating site.
Now, Shai, Lea, and Krissy have an open relationship but each person has other ‘connection-ships’ with external partners, both emotionally and sexually.
Lea shares Shai’s passion to advocate for relationship freedom and together, they’ve created an online poly-curious community, Leveled Up Love.
Shai believes that awareness of polyamorous relationships in public will eventually earn non-monogamy ‘a legitimised seat at the table.’
Danielle has not re-entered a relationship with Shai since the divorce, but she still lives with him, their three children, and Shai’s two girlfriends.
‘We were together for around 19 years and things changed around 13 years into our marriage,’ Shai explained.
‘I’d always had questions around monogamy and being with one person. Then I saw the shows Big Love & Polyamory and Married and Dating, and read a few books. These gave me a whole new perspective and an appetite to learn more about ethical non-monogamy.’
Shai met Lea and Krissy shortly after this.
‘I met Krissy five months after meeting Lea – both on a dating site,’ explained Shai.
‘They both listed themselves as monogamous and ticked “polyamory not for me” but I don’t let that stop me from connecting. You never know how open-minded someone may be.
‘In fact, I’ve probably dated more monogamous women than I can count and I’ve had many conversations and minds opened. If the majority of monogamous relationships fail, people inevitably have questions so they say “let’s look at this other option”.
‘Our triad dynamics ebb and flow. We have times where we focus on each other and times when we pull back. There’s an overarching commitment to each other as a family.
‘There are also times when they have partners – I’d call them connections. Neither of them has had a long-term partner yet. We refer to them as connection-ships which is somewhere between a one-off and a committed relationship.’
Once Shai and Danielle were divorced, she started seeing another person. Some time later, Danielle’s new partner Mike moved into the property she shares with Shai, Lea, and Krissy, which Shai calls ‘a community’.
Shai added: ‘When it comes to growth, polyamory has allowed me to grow exponentially both emotionally, erotically, spiritually, professionally, and I’ve had the opportunity to be in service to more people.
‘I just want that community to have a seat at the table in terms of discussing how people can find happiness in open relationships.’
Shortly following his divorce with Danielle, Shai explained the concept of polyamory to his children, who were accepting of the community.
Shai said: ‘I’m very open with the kids now. After we got divorced, I explained the concept of polyamory and alternative relationships and said this is what your dad is.
‘It just became their new normal. There are moments when they worry about what their friends might think but everyone’s been nothing but accepting in our neighbourhood.
‘Our family and friends have been accepting and in terms of being out in public, we’re not overly affectionate but when we are, we get stares, but nobody says anything.’
Shai hopes more people will open up to the potential of open relationships.
He said: ‘I think the argument of monogamy versus polyamory is often too simplified considering how complex those ideas are. Comparing them isn’t terribly useful. Instead, it’s more about which relationship strategies help people meet their core human needs and find happiness.
‘People need to have those conversations and check in with their partner or partners – to see if they’re getting the freedom, growth, healing, and opportunities to be in service that they desire.’
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/09/30/man-ends-19-year-marriage-to-enter-polyamorous-relationship-with-two-new-women-13348196/
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