‘Jackie we can see your bum, you need to turn off your camera!’
My life has never been the same after hearing these words.
I was on a Zoom call with 15 people and I didn’t want to miss it – but I also desperately needed to go to the loo.
I thought I had turned off my camera when in fact I’d only pressed hide self-view.
So there I was: exposed and caught having a wee with my knickers down and everyone could see it, but me.
I’ve definitely done some embarrassing things in my time – from walking around meetings with my dress tucked into my tights to calling my manager ‘dad’ and getting caught trying to hit Beyoncé notes loudly with headphones in when I thought I was alone – but those moments felt fleeting because I never saw some of those people again and I could start fresh.
But this time, it felt different. I felt seen. They had all witnessed a private, vulnerable moment – me on the toilet reaching towards the loo roll.
I asked my colleague how bad it was and he said ‘Oh it was bad. I’ve told everyone’. I laughed it off and went to Instagram to tell everyone too as I needed to share the news and feel in control of the situation.
Everytime I closed my eyes, I had a flashback, and each time someone told me ‘I can’t believe that happened’ it reaffirmed the absolute madness of the situation. I couldn’t sit down for two minutes without shuddering at the thought.
I was flooded with messages from friends and family and was told it was their ‘biggest fear’.
People were horrified for me, and for a moment I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.
But after the initial shock, I started to feel pretty liberated. My colleagues saw me, but so what? I’m still alive, aren’t I?
These small things, especially amid Covid-19, make life more joyful and fulfilling. My slip up has given me a healthy relationship with embarrassment and why, believe it or not, it’s a good thing.
Like guilt and shame, embarrassment is a feeling we have as humans when we think we have breached a social code that is very important to us – but I have always tried to laugh at myself to mask how I really feel.
I distinctly remember one time at work when I was doing my trousers up after lunch, and my button pinged off at the wall in front of everyone during a meeting. I was horrified because clearly my trousers were hanging on for dear life.
I immediately burst out into a nervous laugh because I was mortified and convinced I never wanted to feel this embarrassed about anything again.
Naturally, I want people to have a good perception of me, too – for them to see the good parts, how awesome I am at making a great cup of tea, and my brilliant comic timing – but never the bad. You know, the parts that humanise us.
Embarrassment, however, is one of the few signals of honesty that we can trust without suspicion because you can’t fake it.
Looking back, I’ve welcomed that moment on the Zoom. It’s made me feel free. I was told by colleagues that they ‘didn’t really see too much,’ and not to worry, which put me at ease – even though I know they saw the whole thing. I think to myself that it really wasn’t that bad.
Living in a pandemic, there’s not much to smile about. This incident reminded me to continue to laugh at the small things and take those silly, oh-no-she-didn’t moments in my stride. It’s what makes me weird and wonderful.
Researchers have said that people who blush and become embarrassed tend to be considered more likeable and warm than people who don’t, which I’d have to agree with.
I’ve bonded with everyone even more after that Zoom call. We hadn’t met in person at the time and when we finally did, we laughed and connected over our shared life experiences.
I’d like to think that whatever happens, they won’t forget me – not only because I’ve got half decent chat, but because they’ve all seen my bum.
Now, how’s that for an icebreaker?
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk
Share your views in the comments below.
MORE: I fell in love with my friend over Zoom
MORE: Zoom meeting continues despite man accidentally streaming himself having sex
MORE: Politician, 63, got high and ranted about cats eating old women’s brains during Zoom meeting
source https://metro.co.uk/2020/09/20/bum-on-zoom-accidentally-flashed-13287582/
0 Comments