Since coming out to my family in January 2019, I have been presenting as a transgender woman, and it feels freeing and empowering to finally be myself.
When coming out to my wonderful wife, Kelly, I, like many other transgender folk, feared losing her forever, but I was lucky. She has always been an amazing woman, and we spent many nights talking things through.
Kelly’s the one who asked me whether I was trans, and when I finally came out, it was a huge relief. She was a bit shocked, but deep down she knew there was something I was struggling with.
It led us to where we are now; stronger, closer and more in love than ever before.
As for the children, they were very understanding – the only thing they ever said was, ‘As long as she’s happy, that’s all that matters.’
However, I have had lots of anxiety when it comes to going out in the world, especially in the early days, whilst I was still experimenting with makeup and not on hormones or receiving laser treatment for my facial hair. We’ve had a few negative experiences, but the braver and stronger I get, the less vulnerable I am.
I’ve had to overcome some masculine features and traits such as facial and body hair, but thankfully in July last year, I managed to organise private prescriptions for hormones through my local GP and private care providers.
Taking hormones was a huge step for me, and although the side effects had me crying regularly, it was so incredible to be able to feel things, such as being in tune with my emotions the way I always knew I should have.
But then came the coronavirus pandemic, which brought with it many challenges around my transition.
In March, just before the lockdown announcement, my wonderful wife Kelly and I were both quite sick, and so self-isolated at home with our children, as per Government advice. It was tough, but we were lucky enough to come out the other side unscathed.
However, as restrictions tightened, I worried about my medication and how I’d be able to get it. I was no longer able to visit my GP and needed monthly prescriptions, as well as a quarterly injection and blood tests.
There were also supply issues due to Covid-19, which meant I had to change the type of medication I was receiving. However, I know I’m in good hands with my GP. I’m very lucky. Although I was reluctant to change, the thought of not having meds was much worse.
After discussing the situation with my doctor over the phone, I was able to organise the prescriptions and they were still happy for me to attend for my jab and tests. I was so relieved.
Others have not been so lucky; a survey by Outlife showed that nearly two in five LGBTQ+ people have missed medical appointments in lockdown. But even though I had my medication, I was faced with other challenges, including increased anxiety.
From day one of coming out, I’ve faced prejudice and abuse while in public.
One time we went to our regular pizza restaurant, and as soon as I walked in, the team of staff began whispering, pointing and laughing at me. I also struggle on the phone, constantly being misgendered, even when I correct people.
Recently, we had a threatening email and we had to get the police involved for protection and to look into the incident. It makes me feel incredibly sad, and scared, but I have to keep going.
Sadly, the confidence I had built up in the year and a half I’d been openly transgender has begun to wane, due to me being stuck inside. When I was facing the world on a daily basis, I grew stronger, but the lockdown has made it so that I’m no longer used to being out and about.
When I go out now I feel under-confident. Also, there has been a lot of political unrest and debates around transgender issues, which makes me feel like more of a target.
To make matters worse, I found the idea of wearing a mask terrifying. I know what you might be thinking; it would be selfish of me not to – but let me explain.
While it’s important to wear a mask for health and safety reasons, I have a strict regime to cover up my facial hair as it’s dark and prominent, and I was incredibly scared that my makeup would rub off. I’d feel very vulnerable and scared of others’ reactions if this happened.
I’ve still worn it when I have to. The rules in Wales aren’t as stringent, only requiring one on public transport but I am concerned it will become mandatory in places I have no choice but to go.
To add to my insecurities, all of my laser hair removal appointments were cancelled, and so the fears of going out grew tenfold – along with the stress of some of my facial hair returning.
As parents, Kelly and I home-educate our kids so are no strangers to spending a lot of time together, but lockdown meant we weren’t able to do any of our usual outdoor adventures. Thankfully, in recent weeks, we have been able to ‘bubble up’ with Kelly’s mum (much to the delight of everyone, as we have all missed her a lot) and we’ve ventured out of Cardiff to get some wild time with Ziggy, our labradoodle.
But lockdown has still taken its toll on us. I worry about a second wave and what this will mean for transgender people in the UK.
I worry about the supply of my medication and the continuation of my treatments, which doesn’t even bring in the lengthening of NHS waiting times for my initial Gender Clinic Appointment, which were already well over two years before the restrictions were brought in.
I’ve been waiting since June 2019. I think lockdown has probably been difficult for many LGBTQ people, especially those needing medication. Charities such as Stonewall and private care companies have been offering lots of advice and support, but with medication in short supply, it’s a really worrying time.
I wish the Government would do more to help the transgender community as a whole, but even more so during a pandemic. Giving GPs sufficient education and training to support the early stages of transition, including the prescription hormone meds and monitoring of blood work can do so much in helping transgender people feel valued.
If there’s a second wave, there’s not much more I can do to prepare other than to liaise with my GP and chemist to ensure I get the medication I need.
My hope is that as time moves on, Covid-19 will be a footnote of 2020, and everyone will get access to the care they need. It’s hard now, but I have faith that I’ll grow confident once again.
You can find Zoey and her wife Kelly on their website Our Transitional Life or via Instagram.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Jess.Austin@Metro.co.uk.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/09/06/lockdown-transgender-woman-13071911/
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