‘Wanna slide into my sex bubble?’ – prepare yourself, this could very well become the catchphrase of 2020 when it comes to casual hook-ups.
As the Prime Minister announced that it is finally (sort of) OK to have sex again, singletons across the UK rejoiced.
Stats aren’t in yet, but we’re fairly certain dating apps saw a boost that night.
This is undoubtedly great news for couples who don’t live together too, but their choice is easier.
If you’re single, with several irons in the fire, you have a tough decision to make.
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After all, it’s an exclusive invite; you are only allowed to mix with one other household (if you or they live alone), so once you’ve chosen your f*** buddy, that’s it until restrictions are loosened – which could be months down the line.
But wait… what if you choose someone, ask them to be your bubble buddy and they say no?
Is it the ultimate rejection? Should you never talk to this person again?
Let’s explore the intricacies of sex bubbles.
What to do if you’re not chosen for someone’s sex bubble
Rejection can be painful, but this isn’t your average situation – we’re in a pandemic, and nothing is operating as ‘normal’ and that includes our dating culture.
There are different scenarios to consider, depending on how serious your relationship is: whether it’s sex only, casual dating or on the verge of something more serious.
If you want to invite someone into your bubble and it’s purely a sexual relationship with no strings attached, it’s likely they might say no for a whole bunch of reasons that have nothing to do with you.
For instance, perhaps their sex drive has dropped completely but they don’t want to open to yuou about it or they have other priorities in lockdown, explains Dr Becky Spelman, psychologist and clinical director of the Private Therapy Clinic.
‘These times have been really hard for all of us and often people’s struggles are completely invisible and the reason why we might not have been selected might be something different to what we’ve imagined.
‘Perhaps this person needs contact or social support from someone else more so than actually having sex in lockdown. For some people their sex drive has increased during lockdown, other people’s sex drive has diminished because they’ve gone into survival mode – where they’re just focusing on their job, their safety and having their basic needs met.
‘We should try to see the bigger picture when we’re looking at why we haven’t been included.’
Other reasons could be that they have a shielding member in their household or perhaps they really just miss their mum or best friend – and that trumps their need for sex – which is a choice they are allowed to make.
Of course, if your sex buddy tells you that they are simply choosing someone else to have sex with instead of you, that’s another story.
If you haven’t committed to each other and knew that you weren’t exclusive, they are within their right to do so, but this means you have to make a choice for the future: are you OK with this?
It might be time to let go of that hook-up and found one that values you.
Then again, if you’re not that bothered about it and you have other lovers on speed dial, give them a call instead.
On to scenario number two: casual dating.
Perhaps you’ve been virtually dating throughout lockdown and not yet met, or maybe you had a few dates just before the restrictions came into place, and have kept in touch this entire time.
You’re excited and can’t wait to meet your budddding romance – and then you get a big fat no from the person you have started to develop feelings for.
What’s a broken-hearted person to do?
‘If your expectations are not met in this respect then it is probably worth rethinking your “relationship” with this person,’ Lucy Fuller, relationship expert and Counselling Directory member, tells us.
‘You may have been physically apart for quite some time and what you think has happened within the relationship during lockdown might be different to their point of view.
‘If you can, have the discussion about it and, if you are both honest, you can both find out about your feelings for each other and where the relationship stands.
‘Rejection is never easy but bear in mind that negotiating or second-guessing new or casual relationships in the time of coronavirus adds yet another layer to the difficulties of new relationships.
‘For some people, it is reassuring that, as we come out of lockdown and the strict rules around who we can and cannot be in contact with loosen, this is a fresh space to explore relationships anew.
‘In some cases, it might be necessary to rewind your relationships by three months and almost start again from where we left off in the middle of March.’
Also, do bear in mind that if you have spent weeks building a relationship online, the other person might be nervous about taking it offline, for fear that it won’t be what they imagined.
They could also have insecurities of their own to deal with or be scared of what you will think of them.
And if they are the one with others in their household, their housemate might have asked if they can see their partner, and so they’ve compromised.
A no is rarely a no for no reason – the only way to find out whast is going on is to communicate.
Lucy adds: ‘Rejection is never easy, and if this happens, make sure you have someone to talk to who can support you emotionally.
‘Focus on your own self-care and make time to (safely) meet the people who you are closest to and make you feel good about yourself.’
How to have sexual fun without a sex bubble
OK, so your lover said no to being in your sex bubble but you still want to stay in touch with them.
There are other ways to have sexual fun, as dating coach Asa Baav, founder of Tailor Matched, tells us.
‘Self-quarantine without your lover can get mighty lonely,’ she says.
‘But there’s no need to forgo sex and intimacy altogether. Instead focus on what you can do, there are couple apps to help you stay connected and get to know each other long-distance, and more R-rated ones to help keep the spark alive.
‘You might find you’re more playful and at ease if you use a separate app, as opposed to texting sweet nothings in between practical messages.
‘You don’t have to be in the same room to sexually stimulate each other. How do you accomplish that with miles between you?
‘Through teledildonic toys, of course. Keep it fun, light-hearted, sexy and experimental – this might be the opportunity you’ve been looking for to introduce a little role-play into your sex life, so be open to the unexpected joys of experimenting at a distance.’
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/06/12/what-not-chosen-someones-sex-bubble-12842269/
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