The pandemic has made a lot of people appreciate their nearest and dearest – not just family members but friends, too.
Throughout our lives, friends help us develop as individuals, offer emotional support and provide us with much-needed entertainment.
‘Friendships are crucial, not only to our mental, emotional and overall health, but also to fulfil a deep evolutionary human need of social connections, feeling safe and supported,’ explains professor Margareta James, a psychologist at The Harley Street Wellbeing Clinic.
But unlike family bonds (which we cannot choose and which will always exist) friendships take work to maintain.
This has been particularly challenging over recent months – what with the traditional ways in which we socialise (be it at the pub or at someone’s house) unavailable to us, alongside limits on the number of friends we can see at a time.
On the flip side, lockdown has given people a taste of a simpler way of living – free from bustling social calendars – and many have welcomed this change.
There’s no doubt that friendships are going to look a little different going forward – which poses some important questions.
Will the lack of physical interaction amongst friends be detrimental to bonds? And will people prefer smaller, simpler circles of friends after a period of intense isolation?
What comes next for friendship?
More physical affection
Often when we think about physical contact, we think about our partners or family, but we share a lot of affection with friends, too.
Let’s not forget about goodbye hugs, huddled group pictures and a simple arm around a shoulder.
Intimate gestures and moments – ones that are often so subconscious that we don’t even think about – have been taken away from us over the past three months.
And while we can now see up to five of our friends at a time, there are strict rules in place for physical contact.
Rebecca Lockwood, a NLP Master Coach and Hypnosis Trainer, believes that we could see a rise in physical affection between friends – once it’s permitted again.
‘I think we are going to see much more of a connection between people when lockdown is over – and more hugs,’ Rebecca tells Metro.co.uk.
‘This could certainly come from a subconscious kickback that we have been told we cannot touch. It’s human nature to have connections and we have gone long periods of time without it.’
So it’s possible that we’ll see a pendulum effect when it comes to physical touch. Having been deprived of it for so long, we might want to indulge in excess amounts – therefore going from one extreme to another.
Professor Margareta James adds that this will not only make us feel better (after being starved of it for so long), but it could actually strengthen our friendships as well.
She adds: ‘It [physical touch] helps us bond, improves our mood and promotes feelings of wellbeing and happiness.’
We might let go of friends
In times of crisis, our true friends reveal themselves.
But, for a lot of people, the pandemic has exposed the friends who haven’t made an effort.
One potential fallout could be that we see people let go of friends who are not longing serving them positively. This is something psychotherapist Steven Richards thinks will happen among friendship groups, after lockdown.
He tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Humans have a strong social-bonding memory, and friendship network, that if not maintained, can be easily broken and replaced with new ones.
‘This is particularly so where there are perceived failures of support and trust.
‘It’s a strength of the human species that it can adapt so very flexibly to social change and we will see this happening post-COVID-19.’
This is something backed up by chartered counselling psychologist Dr Rachel Allan.
She says: ‘A crisis can make us reassess our lives in all kinds of ways. For some, this could mean realising that some friendships have perhaps run their course.’
But Rebecca Lockwood stresses that it’s important not to jump to conclusions about why friends haven’t been in touch – after all, everyone has been coping with the pandemic differently.
She adds: ‘It can be easy to take things personally when we don’t hear from friends that we would like to hear from and make assumptions about why we haven’t heard from people.’
While we might think friends don’t care or don’t value a friendship, it’s important to consider other factors at play.
Rebecca adds: ‘Remember that the people who you may not speak to under the lockdown will still be there when it is over.
‘To be friends and be there for people it’s not always about speaking to them regularly. It is about being there when you need each other.
‘That could mean you go years without speaking – let’s face it, people have busy lives. The best of friends are the ones who can go long spaces between talking yet still feel as though it was yesterday since they last spoke. These are the strongest relationships.’
Of course, lockdown can make an individual reevaluate which friends they hold closer than others – but making the decision to cut a friend out of your life permanently should be considered very carefully.
Virtual social lives will continue… but to a lesser extent
Thanks to the wonders of technology, our social lives have been able to continue in lockdown – albeit in a 2D form.
From Zoom quizzes to virtual stag and hen dos, people have been getting creative for staying in touch with friends.
But now we can see groups of friends agains, will the way we socialise be impacted by our recent technology habits?
Clinical psychologist, Anna Mandeville tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Since the appearance of Covid-19 we have done what humans do. We adapt. It has never been normal for us to gather and communicate with our friends and family over a screen, but we adapted to a new normal.
‘That said, we have to consider that it may be strange meeting people again in person after a period of isolation, but again, we will adapt and get used to it.’
But Anna stresses that while the use of technology might continue to an extent, it doesn’t compare to meeting a friend in person – something that is now permitted.
She adds: ‘There is nothing better than physical presence and sensing someone’s mood seeing an expression in a loved one’s eyes and to simply touch in person. It is a pleasure and a privilege and something in our lifetime we won’t take for granted again.’
Rebecca Lockwood adds that the virtual social lives we’ve experienced in lockdown may rub off on long-distance friendships.
She says: ‘I think we will see virtual meet-ups continue as it’s an easy way to connect with people who may live further away.’
With the rise of Whatsapp and Instagram, video calls have become neglected over recent years for keeping in touch with friends who live further away. So the pandemic, in many ways, has brought these methods of communication back into the foreground.
Shared vulnerability could strengthen bonds
When two people go through a difficult shared experience it often brings them closer together.
Just like how vulnerability can strengthen a bond in a romantic relationship, the same applies for friendship, too.
Dr Rachel Allan explains: ‘The crisis has meant that each one of us has been vulnerable in one way or another.
‘Whether it is illness, working on the front line, facing loss of income, worrying about relatives or dealing with other concerns, most people have faced something difficult and in some cases something life-changing.
‘Having a sense of coming through shared suffering or loss may strengthen bonds between existing friends.’
While we all have our own personal experiences of the pandemic, we can all relate to the same difficulties.
So whether it’s friends working on the front line together or housemates who have kept each other going in quarantine, these shared experiences will strengthen friendships.
But it’s not just long-standing friendships that might benefit from this universal vulnerability – new friendships which have blossomed during the pandemic could be a whole lot deeper because of it, too.
Close friendship bonds which would usually take years to build are likely to have been established in just a few months – because of the emotional intensity of the pandemic.
Lost friendships could reignite
Many people have been looking back on old photos and remembering happy memories, as a way of getting through this anxious time. But old photographs can sometimes contain friends who, for whatever reason, are no longer part of a individual’s life.
There are a number of reasons people drift apart – from no longer living close by to a disagreement – but the mortality surrounding the pandemic could prompt people to re-examine the reasons they are no longer in touch with old friends.
Dr Rebecca Semmens-Wheeler, a senior psychology lecturer at Birmingham City University, says: ‘Some have had more time on their hands and may have begun to reflect on their past relationships – as well as having time to follow up on those that have been neglected.
‘Given how much death there has been during this period, many are likely to be keenly aware of the fragility of life, which can also prompt getting in touch with old friends.’
What comes next for friendship?
It seems months of social distancing could, ironically, bring us closer to our friends.
Not just physically, in terms of a renewed appreciation for friendly affection, but also emotionally in regards to the shared experiences of lockdown.
It’s also likely that this period will shine a light on the friends we hold closest and the ones who are really there for us during our times of need.
What Comes Next?
After months of strict lockdown measures, isolation and anxiety – we’re beginning to look to the future.
What will life look like when we emerge into our new normal?
Can things ever be the same as they were?
Do we even want them to be the same?
What Comes Next is our series of in-depth features unpicking the possibilities for the future.
Every day for two weeks, we will look at the future of work, dating, mental health, friendships, money, travel, and all the other elements that make up our existence.
Our lives have been turned upside down, but change doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/06/13/what-comes-next-physical-affection-smaller-circles-how-friendships-will-change-result-coronavirus-12788537/
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