‘Who is that?’ Our daughter’s new friend on the playground asked her.
‘That’s my dad,’ Zoe replied.
‘I thought that one was your dad,’ her friend exclaimed and then pointed at me.
She curtly replied: ‘That’s my other dad.’
Zoe is used to the questions. She used to exert more effort explaining her family but now her answers have become shorter.
She understands that many children have never met a family like hers and sometimes it takes them a little extra time to connect the dots. Sometimes she waits patiently.
Other times she responds with what sounds like an elevator speech, like one time at the playground: ‘Yes, I have two dads. Some people have two dads. You didn’t know that but now you know. Do you want to play?’
When she was younger, she often greeted others with: ‘Hi, I’m Zoe and I have two dads.’
Having two dads made her feel special. Her straightforwardness often surprised adults and worked as an excellent ice breaker.
This continued through the preschool years. Most times her clarification sufficed for other children.
Somewhere around first grade when Zoe was seven years old, kids started responding differently. They tried to connect this new information about families with their existing knowledge. And, as you may know, even well-intentioned children’s honest observations can be harsh.
One time, for example, a child explained to her that we couldn’t be her ‘real parents’. Another time, a group of children asked me if she was lying since it was impossible for a child to have two dads.
‘Papa,’ Zoe told me at the time, ‘I’m tired of kids who don’t know anything about anything.’ Near tears, she hugged me.
Here’s the thing. Her classmates didn’t come from conservative families that disapprove of ours. I know for a fact that some of the parents have told their children about diverse families. They happily send their kids to our home for playdates.
So why do these children struggle to understand our family? My theory is that we are the first two-dad family they’ve actually met. They may have never actually seen a family with two dads.
Children don’t just learn from having things explained to them. They learn best by engaging their senses and interacting with new concepts.
In the last few years, several great children’s books about diverse families have been published. But who buys those books? Mostly LGBTQ+ families. We want our children to see themselves in their favourite books and we want to see us as parents too.
My husband and I loved a board book called Daddy, Papa & Me, where Daddy and Papa actually looked like us.
I want children from non-traditional families to know their families are just as normal as everyone else’s.
In 2018, BQB Publishing released my picture book debut What Does a Princess Really Look Like, where the main character’s parents just happen to be two dads. Thus, at a library, for example, it would be placed in the general picture books section, instead of being designated to a separate ‘family diversity’ shelf.
I read the book to Zoe’s class. When I said that the main character had two dads, she shouted out: ‘She’s just like me!’ The children responded with a collective ahh sound as if something clicked in their minds.
My daughter tells everyone about ‘our book.’ It validates her family. If we’re in a book, we must be legit.
So I wondered, what else could I do to help kids like Zoe and her friends?
Even though LGBTQ+ families are starting to show up more in picture books, another category of kids’ books lags much farther behind: colouring books.
I couldn’t understand why colouring book publishers had not thought of this. Or maybe had they.
‘Is there no market for colouring books with LGBTQ+ families?’ I asked my husband one night. Why was no one publishing any? How powerful would it be for children to not only read about our families, or even see the illustrations, but actually colour them in themselves.
I joined forces with an illustrator and we thought-up scenarios where families with two moms, two dads, and single parents just had fun together.
Whether they were baking a cake, playing video games, or walking through a park, these families were no different from any other families. What is it that really makes a family, we asked ourselves. The answer was simple: Love.
And so, the Celebrating LGBT Families series started taking shape.
When I shared the first illustrations with Zoe, she immediately started colouring. She’s the only child with two dads among her friends but on these pages, there’s a whole community of families just like hers.
Seeing her response was all I needed.
I’m extremely excited for all the children who will be colouring these pages. They are part of a worldwide community of loving families – who now have an extra tool to expose their children to diversity.
The True Colors of Family is the first volume in the Celebrating LGBT Families series available at online retailers such as Amazon. The colouring book can also be ordered through Hive.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing james.besanvalle@metro.co.uk
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/06/01/couldnt-see-lgbtq-family-reflected-kids-books-made-12703951/
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