We’ve all had to make a lot of difficult decisions over the past few months.
And yet this didn’t prepare me for the choice I was having to make last night as a single person: should I see my mum or should I have sex.
According to new government guidance announced by the Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, we can now form support bubbles with one other household, but not more. With these new rules came one of the strangest moral dilemmas of the past few months.
I’d like to clarify here that this is probably the first and hopefully the last time I have ever discussed my mother and sex in the same context, aside from in references to my conception, which I’m relieved to share with you all was immaculate.
For many of us who have been isolating alone for the past 90 days, the news that we can now indulge in someone else’s touch will be welcomed with open arms. Physical intimacy is a fundamental human need. Loneliness kills.
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It’s clear that blocking human connection indefinitely could never work; that the government is now acknowledging this is an expressly good thing.
But, as a single person who has spoken openly about the impact that social isolation and a lack of sex has had on them, I can safely say that this is one of those “solutions” that carries with it a whole other series of questions, like a line of dominoes gently nudging one another as they fall.
There will be people for whom the answer whether to see loved ones or to make love is a no brainer. Those in relationships isolating away from partners, or those who privilege emotional intimacy over physical touch likely knew instantaneously what they would do with their new freedom. And to those people, I say: you do you.
But, if you’re like me, you might be wondering who to put in your ‘social bubble’. I know that many of you felt conflicted too because I tweeted my conundrum and quickly learned that despite my physical solitude, on an emotional level I was not alone.
Fortunately, my mum is a selfless soul and quickly gave me her blessing to prioritise my physical needs. For that, I am really and truly thankful. Maybe I’ll even dedicate my first orgasm to her (too far?).
But for those of you who are still undecided, I want to help in your decision-making process by asking some very important questions.
First of all, and most importantly: will the sex be good?
The stakes are too high here to get this one wrong and so I urge you all to think long and hard about this aspect of your decision.
You’ll also need to consider whether there is potential for your dalliance to last beyond one or two orgasms.
I think we can all agree that it’s important to think long-term here, given how little we know about when or how the rules are likely to change again. The last thing any of us wants is to have a disappointing shag bookended by endless months of solitude.
In practical terms you need to think about how likely they are to follow the rules of limiting their own social contact.
This question is especially tricky because it requires mutual trust. Call me cynical but, if the responses to an anonymous poll I recently ran on Twitter about whether or not people had broken lockdown restrictions for a shag are anything to go by, placing the responsibility for containing the viral spread in the hands of the horny might be our government’s biggest mistake to date.
If you are uncertain, take this as an opportunity to bring up the difficult and awkward questions so often eschewed in a romantic context, particularly around exclusivity. I urge you to seize this moment and make sure that you and your sexual partner are on the same page.
There’s also the question that weighs heavy on the soul: Even though it’s technically allowed, should we still do it?
This is where we move into murky moral territory. In a week when chief lockdown shagger and erstwhile globally revered epidemiologist, Professor Neil Ferguson, revealed that the government’s sluggish response to the threat of the virus could have cost up to 25,000 lives — should we really be trusting them on this?
The fact still remains that coronavirus is spread through human-to-human contact. There really are no guarantees of safety, especially without an effective track and trace system in place.
The only solution to this is to be as responsible as possible within the specified guidance.
You have to ask yourself whether you’re willing to be as safe and responsible as possible to minimise the risk of spreading the disease.
Aside from washing hands and singing Happy Birthday, this one requires some real commitment to being responsible. Paying attention to our own symptoms, isolating if you notice any, and taking all necessary precautions to practise safe sex (and I’m not just talking about condoms). This means asking difficult questions, putting everyone else’s health above your horniness and abstaining when the circumstances dictate.
It might not sound sexy, but planning ahead, thinking through how to make the experience as safe as possible is the best way to take care of yourself and others during this strange time.
It is also the best way to ensure that the NHS doesn’t suddenly become overburdened with a new surge in the virus, and/or medical issues relating to unsafe sex.
And finally, I have my own answer to this one already – but it’s probably worth asking whether or not your mum will ever forgive you.
I’ll leave that one down to you and your conscience.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk
Share your views in the comments below.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/06/11/sex-ban-lifted-what-12839297/
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