A gay soldier has told how he was torn apart from his husband because the US Army refused to recognize them as a married couple. Thomas West, 38, from Manchester, Vermont, has said military bosses stopped him from living with his spouse, Jonathan, 37, and denied them both access to military personnel benefits such as free healthcare and a housing allowance.
Thomas served in the US Army as a Russian linguist. But unlike his straight colleagues whose spouses could live with them in army barracks, he was forced to live as a single soldier and Jonathan was banned from the camp altogether. They were kept apart for almost a year until the restrictive law which prohibited married same-sex couples from collecting federal benefits was found to be unconstitutional by the US Supreme Court in June 2013.
Father-of-two, Jonathan, said: ‘We gave them our marriage certificate but I was still treated like a single soldier and made to live away from Jonathan. All other soldiers, sailors or airmen had their family moved so they could live together, and it’d all get paid for by the army.
‘As a married man I should have received full federal benefits, but I was not recognized as married.
‘It felt like our marriage did not count or matter. Jonathan had to pay to rent his own flat outside of camp and I could not stay with him over night, whilst my colleagues were able to live with their families in a house that was paid for.’
Jonathan added: ‘I felt horrible and at first it did really upset me. I had to pay $1500 a month for a one bed flat, just so I could live near him.
‘I wasn’t even allowed into the camp and it really hit home when I’d go to meet Thomas on lunch, and he had to come out of the camp gates to meet me whilst other wives and husbands could go inside. We were completely excluded.’
Jonathan and Thomas met on an online dating site in 2005 and after four years of dating, got engaged in 2009. Thomas joined the Army in July 2012 and was stationed at Monterey, California, for training to become a Russian linguist.
When Jonathan signed up, a law called the the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was in place, which prohibited married same-sex couples from collecting federal benefits, which included things like a housing allowance and health care for married military personnel and their direct family members.
The couple shelled out tens of thousands of dollars on housing and health care for Jonathan for almost a year, until the landmark moment DOMA overruled in June 2013. Three months later, in September 2013, Jonathan and Thomas were finally treated as equals and granted access to full benefits.
Thomas, who was discharged from the Army in 2017, said: ‘I was paid less just because I was married to a man and it felt so wrong. It worked out OK in the end but it wasn’t nice to go through.
‘Before I joined the Army I knew there would be some level of discrimination, but this left me stunned.’
After three years or marriage Whilst Thomas was still in the Army the couple became parents for the first time in August 2015, to Grace and for a second time in 2016, to Charlotte, who have both been adopted by the Wests.
‘We thought we were ready but it was a huge shock to the system at first’, said Jonathan.
‘Our aim from day one was to bring them up to be socially aware and accepting of everyone, despite their background. We have been infatuated by them both since the day they arrived and they have completed our little family.’
Shortly after adopting the girls, who are now four-years-old, Jonathan and Thomas set up a lifestyle and travel blog called Daddy & Pappa, with the main aim of increasing ‘acceptance through visibility’.
Their inspiration for the blog and Instagram page was born out of the discrimination they faced at the hands of the Defense of Marriage Act, said Jonathan.
Over the last five years the couple have posted regular updates on their life as gay dads in the hope of increasing public awareness and greater equality. In June last year the couple also purchased an Airstream RV and have travelled far and wide across America, posting regular updates along the way.
The blog has seen the West family become LGBTQ+ social media influencers with more than 24,000 followers.
Jonathan said: ‘We have traveled to a lot of very conservative areas and have put our family at risk, but when we have traveled we have met people and shared our story.
‘We thought we can make a difference and if we have had an impact on just a few people then it has been worth it. What happened to us inspired us to want to try and change the views of some people.
‘We have seen breakthroughs in acceptance and being gay doesn’t change who we are as people.’
Jonathan and Thomas are also due to become new dads for a third time having began the adoption process for one-month-old Eleanor, who was put up for adoption at birth.
To visit the West family’s blog click here.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/06/26/gay-soldier-was-forced-live-away-husband-us-army-12902134/
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