When you think back to the start of the new decade – yes, it was only four months ago – there was a collective expectation that 2020 offered something different from the sheer tomfoolery of 2019.
Then 2020 asked us to hold its beer.
As it stands, some of us have been in some variation of lockdown for two months and each day presents a new challenge, whether that’s learning how to cook from scratch with the rejected leftover ingredients from the Big Hoarding, or simply getting out of bed in the morning.
As lockdown progresses big life events will be put on hold across the board. The reality of this will hit us all at different times, simply because big life events don’t happen every day – and the most formative are even rarer.
Schoolchildren have taken a fast pass to the end of their academic year, others have had their prom postponed indefinitely. Weddings, unless you were happy to consign the guest list to oblivion, are a goner, too.
One big life event intrinsically linked to freedom is coming out. Coming out about your sexuality or gender identity can be a moment of liberation.
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But right now, with the social-distancing measures in place across the world, many find ourselves in an environment that doesn’t naturally lend itself to freedom or liberation.
I came out as gay in February of this year, as the Covid-19 outbreak was hurtling towards its peak in China. It really felt like a big life event and I intended to make this the gayest year of my life. I planned to throw myself into dating, attend Pride, and generally find ways to own my sexuality.
As a result of the lockdown, I’m mourning a year that can’t be. My social calendar is surprisingly empty. I feel static just when my life was gathering momentum.
Coming out and heading straight into quarantine is not an isolated (pun unintended) scenario.
Ellis, 18, from Hertfordshire, echoes my own feelings. He tells us: ‘Coronavirus has seriously ruined my first ‘out’ summer.
‘I had plans with my friends to go to pride for the first time this year.
Ellis, who identifies as pansexual, now feels like he has entered a situation where he’s surrounded by people who aren’t aware of his sexuality and a significant part of his identity: ‘I feel like I’m not myself and I don’t want to hide who I am.’
Rae, 21, from Illinois, feels this too. She identifies as a lesbian, and while she describes her mum as ‘open and accepting’, her dad is ‘not so much’.
‘I feel like I’m in the closet again,’ says Rae. ‘I feel stuck at home [and] unable to live the life I was living.’
This highlights a challenge in lockdown for the LGBT+ community: being in close quarters with the looming spectre of an unaccepting family unit.
AKT, a charity that supports young LGBT+ people in the UK facing homelessness or who live in hostile environments, says: ‘Not being able to escape to see friends, take part in community activities or even visit queer spaces can further increase isolation.’
Sam*, 18, who is bisexual, is struggling with being unable to share a space with someone he’s out to.
‘Yes there’s messages and FaceTime but it isn’t the same as having that physical support I so desperately want,’ Sam explains.
Hannah*, who identifies as lesbian, meanwhile, has found that time with her family has expedited her coming out.
‘I had planned to tell them after I had finished my A-Levels,’ she says. ‘With the exams being cancelled, I was faced with having to stay at home for weeks. I knew this would be bad for my mental health, so I decided to come out to my family.
‘Despite my fears, their reactions have all been lovely and being in lockdown has forced us as a family to talk it over.
‘I feel like I’m getting to a stage where I feel ready to share this with my family.’
I was excited to see a viral post at the beginning of lockdown from a dad on Reddit, throwralovemygayson who sought advice on how to tell his son, who was isolating with him, that he was welcome to stay with his (assumed) boyfriend.
I feel like I’m in the closet again
The post read: ‘How do I let my son and his boyfriend know that I’m okay with them being a couple [in my house]? I want them to be comfortable here and I want them to know I support them both no matter what.’
Did I cry reading this? Maybe.
Like me, Jo, 20 Australia, came out to her family shortly before quarantine, and is finding small victories in her day-to-day.
‘When we’re watching a movie or something I can actually mention when one of the actresses is cute or something,’ she notes.
I have to agree – I’ve found Avengers is much more satisfying when you’re able to verbally declare your lust for Chris Hemsworth.
As hospitals are postponing non-urgent elective surgeries, Noah, who is transgender, gives insight into how Covid-19 is affecting long-awaited medical procedures.
‘I was supposed to be getting top surgery next month, which I’ve been on a waiting list for about three to four years now – it’s not happening and has been postponed,’ Noah explains. ‘Being safe inside and everything being postponed to manage the pandemic is much more important, but it is still a bit crap.’
As an online creator, I see the support that LGBT+ teenagers find in the digital space. It was part of the reason I felt so safe coming out online, a decision vindicated by the outpouring of love I received.
It was encouraging, then, to hear Ben, 26, from Australia, is using the internet as a tool to stoke the flames of a blossoming romance: ‘We’re lucky in that we both play online games so there are ways to interact without going out, but it’s really hard.’
Rae echoes a similar frustration having met a potential match at work.
‘I’m a dog trainer, I had met this beautiful and kind woman and we were kind of hitting it off,’ she says. ‘Then corona hit.’
It’s unsurprising that Bumble has seen a 21% increase in its video call function in lockdown. Match Group (the owner of Tinder) has announced that video calling will make its way to the dating app later this year.
Dating IRL has been cancelled until further notice. Tinder has seen conversation length grow by 25% and hinge has seen 30% increase in messages through the pandemic, as users seek human connection.
Personally, Covid-19 has been great for my dating life; I have found it so much easier to strike up a meaningful conversation, I’ve even progressed to a video date or two (or four).
Forming a connection with someone in the fog of this endless lockdown is a double-edged sword, however. It’s incredibly exciting to punctuate my week with a video call, but it makes the wait for the end of social distancing drag on longer.
Coming out is never one-size-fits-all. Coming out in lockdown means a different set of challenges.
There is a glimmer within these stories that offered resilience, fortitude or adaptability. These LGBT+ individuals are evolving to meet the restrictions of their environment and whilst there’s a universal feeling of having their lives put on pause, there was also the sense of being poised to take on the world again.
After these conversations, I don’t feel as cut loose at sea after all – and I’m reminded that there’s a community to be found online if you open yourself up to it.
*Some names have been changed.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/05/14/lgbt-coming-coronavirus-pandemic-lockdown-12703369/
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