It happened about a week ago.
I was out running in my local park, weaving in and out of the other runners, pedestrians and cyclists to maintain a two metre distance at all times when I decided to loop around the lake.
As I trundled along in the heat surveying the water, I was suddenly overcome with an intense desire to leap into it.
Prevented by a withering sense of common decency, and a respect for the current laws shaping our engagement with outside spaces, I resisted.
The impulse quickly melted into something more patient and deep — a yearning for the sensation of being completely immersed in water.
For that sharp, alertness of mind that immediately follows the action of a body being plunged into cold water. For the incredible sense of vitality provoked by each and every pore on your body being awoken in chorus.
For the stillness of surrendering to the embrace of the water, and letting it support your body’s weight — as if suspended in time momentarily.
It’s been three weeks now since the UK has been in a state of ‘lockdown,’ with the majority of people forced — for very good reason — to stay at home and save lives.
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For some, it’s been an endless slog of journeys to and from their jobs on the frontline; hospital workers, cleaners, carers, transport workers, delivery drivers, shop workers — all putting themselves at risk.
For those people, ‘thank you’ doesn’t seem a good enough recognition of their sacrifice. But sadly, it’s all we can do at the moment.
For others, the concept of free time has been monopolised by round-the-clock childcare responsibilities juggled alongside work.
Meanwhile, some have found the solitude suffocating — the hours of the day stretching out ahead of them without punctuation, delving into the repertoire of creative ways to pass the time.
Regardless, though, of your personal circumstance, one thing has united us all — life as we know it is altered.
The usual protocols that underscore our day-to-day existence have quickly changed. We queue for the supermarket, we move to distance ourselves from each other in public, we video chat our friends and lovers — we bake banana bread.
However you’re living in the lockdown, space and distance from the monotony of our normal routines has afforded a new perspective on those habits we so routinely engage in — and what they mean to us.
For some that has meant romantic declarations and proposals. For others, it means break-ups or — in extreme cases — divorce.
It’s been a time to think, for people, about whether they really enjoy their jobs. Others have come to realise just how much they love what they do.
And yet it seems to be the small things that the majority of people find themselves missing.
I tweeted about my fantasy of being submerged in water the other day, asking what other people are looking forward to. The responses were incredible; tender, heartfelt and all simple in nature.
It wasn’t buying shoes, getting wasted or sleeping with randoms that people most missed — although there was a fair amount of that of course.
People wanted to hug their friends, see their children or plan their future — to think beyond the next 24 hours.
This certainly resonated with me a lot. I’m lucky to be connected digitally to my nearest and dearest. But as a single person that lives alone, I’ve become acutely aware of the lack of human contact, of the sensation of touching another person.
I long to hold someone’s hand or throw my arms around my best friend’s neck. To pull the kids in my life close to my chest and sniff their little heads. To play games with my nephew or see my niece’s first steps.
I yearn for the feeling of safety that follows a loved one scooping me up in their arms for a cuddle.
I try to remember what it feels like to flirt with someone you fancy. Of the sensation of heat transferred via touch between new lovers.
Or the comfort of sitting next to my mum on the sofa and talking about nothing.
Or the electricity of a first kiss.
Or the gentle reassurance of my best friend brushing my hair.
Or the warm hug of a cup of tea made for me by someone else.
It’s those little things, those small punctuation marks of day-to-day life that I miss more than anything else.
And if lockdown has taught me anything at all, it’s an intense and unwavering appreciation for the freedom I once took for granted.
What I do know is that life will one day return to normal — and things will accelerate back up to their usual blinding pace.
What I hope is that we’ll carry this gratitude forwards and hold onto it as we return to normal life.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learnt above all else, it’s that I’ll never, ever take any of these simple things for granted ever again.
Do you have a story you’d like to share?
Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. Share your views in the comments below.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/04/14/after-lockdown-12556240/?ITO=squid
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