Life has taken an unexpected turn in the last few weeks. The pace of how we live has drastically slowed down, and everything is quieter and smaller.
If you’re in lockdown alone, you might be feeling really lonely. Weeks on end without interacting with another human in the flesh, empty evenings and weekends with not much to fill them.
If you’re used to being a social butterfly, spending your free time surrounded by friends, family, colleagues, noise, bustle and life, this sudden slow-down might be incredibly jarring. And weekly catch-ups on Zoom or Houseparty just aren’t quite the same.
But experts think this could be a fantastic opportunity to learn how to be comfortable with silence and solitude. Dr Megan Jones Bell, chief science officer at Headspace, says there are lessons to be learnt from leaning into the unnerving feeling of solitude.
‘We inherently find moments of silence uncomfortable,’ Dr Megan tells Metro.co.uk. ‘It’s often when we’re alone in silence that anxious thoughts enter the mind, and many of us find being alone with only our minds for company difficult.
‘In the midst of the current public health crisis, people around the world are experiencing unprecedented stress, anxiety, and uncertainty – and facing this solo can be overwhelming.’
Dr Megan adds that it is equally possible to feel alone even in a household full of people.
‘By being disconnected from normal routines or physically unable to connect with friends, family and loved ones, we can feel lonely and overwhelmed by the absence of the usual buzz of our 24/7 lifestyles,’ she explains.
If you’re feeling alone – whether you’re living alone or feel isolated even living with others – Dr Megan has offered some expert tips to help you accept silence and feelings of aloneness during this tough time.
Embrace silence
People generally find silence difficult to handle. We feel more comfortable when there’s a constant stream of sound, whether that’s listening to the radio, watching TV, or plugged into a podcast.
The world as we know it has changed – if only temporarily. In the vacuum left behind, we forget that silence is an inherent quality of the human mind. Recognise that silence is neither good nor bad, and we can learn to sit in it with ease.
The sound of the mind can still be deafening. Sure, we might sometimes experience exquisite moments of silence, but it is likely to be unpredictable, fleeting, and rarely as often as we would like. So, we usually need to train the mind in some way to experience this type of silence on a regular basis.
Training for the mind
Even if it’s just for a few minutes a day, find a place where you can sit, still the body, and allow the mind to come to a natural place of rest. Meditation is both a skill and an experience; it’s a formal exercise to cultivate awareness and compassion.
In time, the body begins to relax, and the mind unwinds. There’s a stability to this type of silence.
By sitting with the mind, we’re training it to be more open and at ease, and we consequently discover greater calm, clarity and contentment. In doing so, we increasingly learn to have a direct experience of the present moment and of the silence around us.
Become more comfortable with your mind
For some, this might feel easier said than done, which is why this process takes time. The mind can be a scary place if you’re not used to being totally alone with it. In silence is when we find unwanted, anxious or doubtful thoughts entering.
Meditation isn’t about emptying or clearing the mind or stopping thoughts. Mindfulness is the ability to be present, free from distraction, with an open mind and a kind heart. Meditation is a way of training in that quality of mind.
Accept new thoughts and feelings
By becoming more aware of how we are feeling, even if it’s just noticing that we are becoming distracted or losing focus, we can observe these feelings and accept them as normal and understandable experiences.
The key counterpart to awareness is acceptance and compassion. When we are aware of how we feel it doesn’t mean we need to like it, but accepting it as our present reality can help us release built up feelings and be compassionate with ourselves.
Rather than letting yourself get frustrated at an uncompleted task, acknowledge it, accept it, sit with it, focus on your breathing and bring your attention back to how you’re feeling and why. This will help you to be intentional in every interaction or activity and make better decisions from a place of awareness and clarity.
Understand that being alone and feeling alone are very different
Living alone or self-isolating can lead to feeling disconnected from others. In the same vein, some of us live with many people but still find ourselves feeling alone.
It’s a common belief that loneliness is a direct result of being on our own. While that can be an important contributing factor, this is usually a misconception. We can be on our own and not feel lonely, but then be surrounded by others, and yet still feel the same – or similar – emotions.
It’s important to note the difference between ‘aloneness’ and ‘loneliness’. While aloneness helps us cultivate presence, self-reflection and even creativity, loneliness can have adverse health consequences.
There’s a significant difference between being alone and feeling alone. If we can accept that loneliness exists in the mind, and is not dependent on us being physically alone, then our perception of loneliness can be reframed in our mind.
Learn acceptance
The first step to working with our mind constructively is to let go of external blame. It is not others imposing loneliness on us (despite the enforced lockdown), it is our own perception and experience.
Loneliness can become problematic when we become consumed or overwhelmed by it, and experience resistance to it. The more you can be at ease with loneliness and avoid identifying with the associated thoughts and emotions, the less painful it can be.
If we can learn to notice and shift our perspective on loneliness, we can feel less isolated and overwhelmed.
It’s entirely possible to make the most of this time alone and use it for your own mental benefit and wellbeing.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/04/06/ok-silence-alone-12514744/?ITO=squid
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