Like a bit-part barman in a Hollywood movie, this week, Health Secretary Matt Hancock imparted relationship advice to a nation of lonely protagonists necking whiskey at a bar, trying to determine which leading lady to spend the rest of their lives with.
‘Make your choice and stick with it’ were the sage words he gave when asked what non-cohabiting couples should do in the face of a national lockdown – but, for many people, that’s brand-new territory.
In the good-old-days before Tinder turned up the heat, and Instagram gave night-vision to the wandering eye, people had little choice but to try and make it work with the person they were with. They dated without fear of the other person swiping for attention on their phone. Keeping your options open required more effort than simply keeping your apps open.
This week, couples were forced to make a snap decision about whether to self-isolate together or separately for the foreseeable.
It’s precisely this kind of forward-thinking, pragmatic decision making that’s been missing from the dating game for the past decade and I believe we could actually benefit from it in the long-run.
There’s been a growing trend in recent years of dating multiple people at once. Whilst I don’t think that to be wholly immoral in theory; it’s not for me. Call me a boring traditionalist all you like, but dating more than one person is beyond my capabilities, not just because of a self-righteous moral standing, but due to a low anxiety threshold.
The stress, effort and organisational skills required to date more than one person would require me to hire an assistant. A logistical nightmare, which is perhaps why many who embark on extra-marital affairs do so with their secretary.
Read the latest updates: Coronavirus news live
I understand that people want to keep their options open, especially when they’re young, but it’s vital that all of those involved are aware of the situation.
At the beginning of the year I was dating a man who told me we were exclusive. He met my family, my friends, and expressed how excited he was for the year ahead, then went uncharacteristically quiet for a long weekend. Turns out he was on holiday with the other girl whose family he’d met, friends he’d met and who had no idea I existed.
When I challenged him on it, he acted as though I was the prude for expecting him not to be playing the field. She eventually found out about me too and we had a rather cathartic phone call, during which we discovered that he had given us both the same pet-name, presumably to reduce the risk of a titular slip-up. He had been gaslighting both of us, yet our female solidarity left us enlightened and united against a common enemy. Girl power.
It wasn’t long before she took him back. Now that he’s under government instruction to only play the field at a two-metre distance, I wish them a long and happy quarantine together.
I heard from one man who was isolating with his recently ex-wife, their child and her new partner. A sitcom waiting to happen
The coronavirus lockdown has forced people to assess their commitment to their partner. Many may already be devoted and exclusive, but unable to isolate together for practical reasons. Whereas others who hadn’t considered the long-term, are now in a position where they have to. It could prove to be a valuable test, or could all end in disaster.
Like any millennial worth their Himalayan rock salt, I launched my own podcast during lockdown to keep my mind active and to keep myself connected to people in the outside world. I put a call out on social media for people to get in touch and share their covid-related relationship dilemmas. The response was incredible.
I heard from one man who was isolating with his recently ex-wife, their child and her new partner. A sitcom waiting to happen.
One woman got in touch to say that she had been having an affair with a married man for just over a year. He told her he was willing to leave his wife, but was just waiting for the right moment. Well, the moment came and went and she found herself isolating alone. I think covid did her a favour, better to know now and spend the government-imposed downtime getting herself back in the game.
Whatever your relationship status, I hope you know you are not alone. We are all going through this together
Dating apps like Bumble and Hinge put out messages to their users this week, instructing them not to meet their dates in person til the ban is lifted. I think it’s quite romantic; getting to know someone slowly, over a longer period of time before meeting up in person. In a world where romantic interests are treated as single-use and disposable, I think that forcing people to actually get to know one another could result in deeper, more genuine connections.
Alternatively, it could result in no connections at all, which might prove useful for people who would benefit from time spent alone, but for whom the temptation of casual sex has prevented them from doing so.
From an unromantic and purely clinical standpoint, I imagine that there will be other diseases of a more sexual nature which will be put on the back-burner (pun-intended) during this difficult time. I also suspect that after a prolonged period of self-isolation there may be a few platonic housemates for whom self-love isn’t sufficient and their friendship may be ruined forever, so be careful.
Whether you find yourself with or without the person you love in the time of corona (or, indeed, the person you want to have sex with), I hope that you take the time to reflect on what’s important in your love life.
Many will come out of this with stronger relationships with their partner, others will find that the cracks are chasms. Some will emerge with a stronger relationship with themselves, putting them in a much better position to find a partner they deserve.
Whatever your relationship status, I hope you know you are not alone. We are all going through this together, but we are all doing it in a myriad of ways with a multitude of complexities, so be kind to yourself and others during the process.
This crisis has proved that our lives can change in a matter of days, so hold your loved ones close (if medically advisable) and hold yourself even closer. If I could find one silver lining to all of this, it would be that we now have time to slow down, pause, and take time to appreciate one another, without taking our relationships for granted.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing claie.wilson@metro.co.uk
Share your views in the comments below.
MORE: Does coronavirus mean it’s time to wash our hands of the handshake?
MORE: Idris Elba says coronavirus quarantine is a ‘test of your relationship’
MORE: Virtual dates, phone sex and self-isolation chats – how coronavirus is changing dating
Coronavirus latest news and updates
- Visit our live blog for the latest updates: Coronavirus news live
- Read all new and breaking stories on our Covid-19 news page
- Coronavirus symptoms explained
- Find out the latest on which shops can stay open in a lockdown
- Who needs to go to work, who needs to stay at home and who is classed as a key worker?
source https://metro.co.uk/2020/03/27/coronavirus-stop-playing-field-dating-game-12465832/?ITO=squid
0 Comments