Are you struggling with an intimacy deficit?
The (sort of) good news is that you’re not alone.
UK couples are struggling to remain intimate thanks to the stress of modern life, a new survey suggests.
A survey of 1,000 UK adults (not a huge sample size, we have to mention) commissioned by This Works found that 56% of us crave more intimacy with our partners, rising to 65% among those under 45.
Those couples reckon that the presence of technology in the bedroom – phones and laptops, rather than vibrators – is a major factor in a lack of physical connection, alongside stress – a lack of energy, stress, and a lack of time are the most common things people blame for infrequent sex.
Those surveyed under 45 said they spend most of their time in bed on their phone, followed by chatting and watching TV above cuddling or having sex.
In fact, for over half (51%) of Brits under 45, a tech device is the last thing they see before closing their eyes each night, over a third (35%) sleep closer to their phone than their partner, and nearly as many (31%) admit to having avoided sexual advances from their partner by being fixated on their phone – literally using it as a physical barrier to intimacy.
With so much time before snoozing taken up by other stuff, there’s a pretty small window for getting intimate.
But that lack of physical connection could be pushing us apart. After all, a lack of sex and physical closeness causes enough tension – feeling like you’re less important than someone’s phone won’t help things.
What under-45s spend their time in bed doing, apart from sleeping:
In order from most time to least:
- Using phone
- Chatting
- Watching TV
- Cuddling
- Reading
- Sexual activity
So, what’s the answer?
It might not sound particularly glamorous, but we need to make an active effort to keep the intimacy alive.
That might mean scheduling sex or giving yourself a nudge to check in with your partner when you’ve been scrolling Twitter for a while.
It can also help to keep the bedroom tech and stress-free, turning the space into a relaxing and romantic haven to escape to. Banning tech from the bedroom will help your sleep, too, so it’s a win-win. Just charge your phone in another room – that way you’ll have to actually get out of bed when your alarm goes off, too.
Try creating a pocket of time that’s just for relaxing and getting cosy. Even a dedicated half-hour before bed when you and your partner can be in bed without any distractions could give you the perfect window to regain intimacy.
Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist, Kate Moyle comments: ‘Modern life is busy, we are all constantly multi-tasking, and if we aren’t, we often think we should be; but relationships, intimacy and connection take time and dedicated input to get the benefits – there is no rush job.
‘To build deeper connections with others, we need to tend to, take care of and nurture our relationships, and the research really recognises this.’
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/02/01/couples-experiencing-intimacy-deficit-says-survey-12165885/
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