Look, dating is terrible. Let’s just be real.
It’s a world packed with rejection, rudeness, a lack of consideration, and unbearably awkward moments.
But at least we can take solace in knowing we’re not the only ones navigating the choppy waters of online dating.
That’s why there are so many dating terms and trends – it helps to give a shared name to a sh*tty behaviour we’ve experienced – whether it’s ghosting, stashing, or benching – so we know we’re not alone in the horror.
The latest term to add to your roster is whelming.
Coined by Patia Braithwaite in a piece for Self, whelming is when someone you’re chatting to online casually drops into conversation how many other matches they have and how overwhelming it is to handle being so popular and attractive.
They might whelm by excusing a delayed response by saying they just have too many matches, by acting like you’re just like every other person on the app (because they’ve matched with so many people they’ve seen it all), or even by getting something wrong and mentioning they have so many conversations going they can’t keep track.
It’s all about someone portraying themselves as so desirable that they’re overrun with interested parties, combined with a bit of subtle negging to suggest that you’re not even high on their priority list.
Then there’s the element of complaint thrown in, to give the whelming a slightly humblebragging feel.
Experiencing whelming feels a lot like when you were a teen and the person you had a crush on kept going on about all the other people who liked them.
It’s clearly intended to make you feel a little jealous so you try harder and are more desperate for the person’s approval, which is exactly the kind of gameplaying that makes the art of casual dating absolutely suck.
The truth is, it’s actually pretty normal to find juggling matches a bit overwhelming. Maintaining conversations with loads of people is emotionally draining.
But whingeing about that attractive person problem to someone you’re dating is just rude. Online dating can feel impersonal enough without someone telling you you’re just one person on a long list of potential matches.
If you’re tired of having to chat to all those interested parties, perhaps complain to a friend rather than someone you should be trying to woo.
Or, you know, just take a break from swiping. Those matches didn’t just appear out of nowhere, with no action on your part. If you’re so overwhelmed, go have a lie down and come back to take a dip in the dating pond when you’re ready.
Dating terms and trends, defined
Blue-stalling: When two people are dating and acting like a couple, but one person in the partnership states they're unready for any sort of label or commitment (despite acting in a different manner).
Breadcrumbing: Leaving ‘breadcrumbs’ of interest – random noncommittal messages and notifications that seem to lead on forever, but don’t actually end up taking you anywhere worthwhile Breadcrumbing is all about piquing someone’s interest without the payoff of a date or a relationship.
Caspering: Being a friendly ghost - meaning yes, you ghost, but you offer an explanation beforehand. Caspering is all about being a nice human being with common decency. A novel idea.
Catfish: Someone who uses a fake identity to lure dates online.
Clearing: Clearing season happens in January. It’s when we’re so miserable thanks to Christmas being over, the cold weather, and general seasonal dreariness, that we will hook up with anyone just so we don’t feel completely unattractive. You might bang an ex, or give that creepy guy who you don’t really fancy a chance, or put up with truly awful sex just so you can feel human touch. It’s a tough time. Stay strong.
Cloutlighting: Cloutlighting is the combo of gaslighting and chasing social media clout. Someone will bait the person they’re dating on camera with the intention of getting them upset or angry, or making them look stupid, then share the video for everyone to laugh at.
Cockfishing: Also known as catcocking. When someone sending dick pics uses photo editing software or other methods to change the look of their penis, usually making it look bigger than it really is.
Cuffing season: The chilly autumn and winter months when you are struck by a desire to be coupled up, or cuffed.
Firedooring: Being firedoored is when the access is entirely on one side, so you're always waiting for them to call or text and your efforts are shot down.
Fishing: When someone will send out messages to a bunch of people to see who’d be interested in hooking up, wait to see who responds, then take their pick of who they want to get with. It’s called fishing because the fisher loads up on bait, waits for one fish to bite, then ignores all the others.
Flashpanner: Someone who’s addicted to that warm, fuzzy, and exciting start bit of a relationship, but can’t handle the hard bits that might come after – such as having to make a firm commitment, or meeting their parents, or posting an Instagram photo with them captioned as ‘this one’.
Freckling: Freckling is when someone pops into your dating life when the weather’s nice… and then vanishes once it’s a little chillier.
Gatsbying: To post a video, picture or selfie to public social media purely for a love interest to see it.
Ghosting: Cutting off all communication without explanation.
Grande-ing: Being grateful, rather than resentful, for your exes, just like Ariana Grande.
Hatfishing: When someone who looks better when wearing a hat has pics on their dating profile that exclusively show them wearing hats.
Kittenfishing: Using images that are of you, but are flattering to a point that it might be deceptive. So using really old or heavily edited photos, for example. Kittenfishes can also wildly exaggerate their height, age, interests, or accomplishments.
Lovebombing: Showering someone with attention, gifts, gestures of affection, and promises for your future relationship, only to distract them from your not-so-great bits. In extreme cases this can form the basis for an abusive relationship.
Microcheating: Cheating without physically crossing the line. So stuff like emotional cheating, sexting, confiding in someone other than your partner, that sort of thing.
Mountaineering: Reaching for people who might be out of your league, or reaching for the absolute top of the mountain.
Obligaswiping: The act of endlessly swiping on dating apps and flirt-chatting away with no legitimate intention of meeting up, so you can tell yourself you're doing *something* to put yourself out there.
Orbiting: The act of watching someone's Instagram stories or liking their tweets or generally staying in their 'orbit' after a breakup.
Paperclipping: When someone sporadically pops up to remind you of their existence, to prevent you from ever fully moving on.
Preating: Pre-cheating - laying the groundwork and putting out feelers for cheating, by sending flirty messages or getting closer to a work crush.
Prowling: Going hot and cold when it comes to expressing romantic interest.
R-bombing: Not responding to your messages but reading them all, so you see the 'delivered' and 'read' signs and feel like throwing your phone across the room.
Scroogeing: Dumping someone right before Christmas so you don't have to buy them a present.
Shadowing: Posing with a hot friend in all your dating app photos, knowing people will assume you're the attractive one and will be too polite to ask.
Shaveducking: Feeling deeply confused over whether you're really attracted to a person or if they just have great facial hair.
Sneating:When you go on dates just for a free meal.
Stashing: The act of hiding someone you're dating from your friends, family, and social media.
Submarineing: When someone ghosts, then suddenly returns and acts like nothing happened.
V-lationshipping:When someone you used to date reappears just around Valentine's Day, usually out of loneliness and desperation.
You-turning: Falling head over heels for someone, only to suddenly change your mind and dip.
Zombieing: Ghosting then returning from the dead. Different from submarineing because at least a zombie will acknowledge their distance.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/01/26/prepare-whelming-annoying-dating-trend-popping-apps-12125322/
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