I won’t be going vegan this January.
I understand the environmental reasons for taking part in Veganuary, which requires you to swear off animal products for 30 days. The climate emergency is as noble a reason as any to give up cheese and I congratulate anyone with the resolve to do such a thing.
However, my reasons for not participating aren’t moral, or because I don’t believe in people’s motives. It’s not even because I find veganism inconvenient or impractical.
It’s because going vegan is simply too dangerous for me.
As someone who survived an eating disorder, and has always had a troubled relationship with food, I cannot cut out whole food groups like that.
For anyone who struggles with food intake, appetite cues and a temptation to diet, doing something as strict as veganism can be extremely troublesome. Speak to any sensible nutritionist or dietitian and they’ll advise you against something so drastic, particularly if you’re vulnerable or in recovery from an eating disorder.
I’m sure veganism is brilliant for many but Veganuary is the sort of thing that can start out entirely wholesome and wind up making you extremely dysfunctional around food. I can only see it causing panic and obsession for me.
When I was nine, I got glandular fever, which morphed into chronic fatigue syndrome (also known as ME). I was basically bed-bound, unable to participate in my own life.
To see what could be causing the stubborn exhaustion, my parents took me to a naturopath who prescribed a strict elimination diet to test for allergies. I went off sugar, dairy, wheat, yeast and soy – which is to say I essentially existed on cashew nuts, rice milk, apples and rice.
This strict eating regime became an obsession as I cut out more and more food types. I got addicted to the feeling of denying myself sustenance, became very ill and ended up in an eating disorders clinic, fighting my way back to a healthy weight.
That was 15 years ago but if I’m honest, it’s only been in the past two years that I’ve stopped playing around with intermittent starvation. For almost as long as I can remember, I’ve worried about food, hated my body, skipped meals, punished myself for eating and fretted about my size as though it has any moral value. It was utterly exhausting.
I’ve worked hard to rectify that and to be kinder to myself, giving myself unconditional permission to eat (mostly) without shame or guilt. I’ve rediscovered the joy of food, which has been one of the great reliefs of my life.
Giving up animal products is a fantastic thing to do for the environment, so my diet is mostly vegetarian for that reason. But when I want meat, I eat it because having rules around food consumption is unpleasant and risky for me. I eat cheese, chocolate and eggs because I need them in order to maintain a balanced, varied diet. Foregoing them would only undo the work I’ve done making peace with food.
It can be hard to resist the pressure of ostensibly ‘good’ initiatives like veganism. Of course we want to do something, anything, to make us feel like we’re contributing to a better world and the case for adjusting our eating plans is persuasive.
Scientists have said that giving up meat and dairy is the ‘single biggest way’ you can reduce your impact on the environment. Research from 2018 suggests that meat and dairy provide us with 18 per cent of our calorie intake and 37 per cent of our protein, while using a whopping 83 per cent of farmland and producing almost 60 per cent of agriculture’s greenhouse gas emissions.
But we can find other ways to be environmentally responsible that don’t threaten our mental health and feelings of self-worth: reducing your intake of meat and dairy, rather than completely eliminating it, is more realistic and still valuable. Fly and drive less often. Use less plastic. Buy sustainable clothes, get beauty products with recyclable or refillable packaging or have fewer children – or indeed, none at all.
And maybe it’s selfish to put my mental health above my concerns for the environment – but I have to be OK with that too.
My capacity to contribute anything meaningful is diminished when I’m obsessed with food and my body, spending all my energy fixated on starvation. Sometimes you’ve got to look after yourself before you can take care of anything bigger.
By all means, go ahead, give up cheese for January – you have my respect. But I know my own limitations, and I’ll be politely declining to take part.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2020/01/11/wont-take-part-veganuary-dangerous-12018739/
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