Most people have at some point or another in their lives woken up with a sore head and memories of a wild night out that makes them blush.
We’ve all been there; throwing up in unusual places, getting into arguments with friends over something we can’t even remember or just generally doing something embarrassing (flashing a nipple to the bartender, perhaps).
While friends and family are usually quite forgiving, and will often accept a simple apology, making a fool of one’s self at a Christmas office party is a completely different issue – and it could get you fired.
Did your boss see you make out with someone in her office?
Did you finally tell your annoying colleague how much you loathe him, loudly and in front of everyone else?
Did you get super drunk and stumble around the room, crying on various shoulders?
Firstly, take a deep breath. Everything is going to be OK, but what you do next could be crucial for your work reputation and for your future employment.
Here’s what you should do if you embarrass yourself at the office Christmas party.
Ask yourself: was it really all that bad?
Dr Jonathan Pointer, a chartered clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, explains that, before you panic, you should take an honest look at the situation.
‘When something “embarrassing” happens to us, it is too easy to see it as a huge event, i.e. make a mountain out of molehill, and think that there will be terrible repercussions (such as being mercilessly laughed at forever) and more importantly, that we will not be able to tolerate or manage this experience,’ he tells Metro.co.uk.
‘Recognise that we tend to over-estimate risks. In this case, we may think that everyone will have noticed what happened, that everyone will be judging us in ways we would rather they did not, and perhaps even imagine that what we did may have serious repercussions for us.
‘In reality, most people probably did not notice much, that what happened was a much bigger event in our minds than in theirs, and that they were probably more focused on their own faux pas to give our embarrassing moment much room for thought.’
But what if it really was as bad as you imagine?
Take another deep breath.
What to do if you’ve definitely embarrassed yourself
Don’t try to resolve the matter on the same night, if you’re still drunk.
It’s better to approach the situation with a clear head, Amanda Augustine, careers expert at TopCV, tells us. Start by doing some reconnaissance, so that you have all the information you need.
‘In the event that you may need to do some damage control after waking up the next morning with dread and a headache, follow these steps,’ says Amanda.
‘Perform a retrospective. Take a moment to take stock of the previous night.
‘What did you do or say that may have been damaging and who else was involved? Can you think of anyone who may have witnessed something particularly damning?
‘Don’t assume the worst right off the bat. Find out what happened from a colleague you trust before plotting your next move.
‘Follow up. It’s important to make any necessary apologies to those who were directly involved or offended as a result of your mishap.
‘This is particularly important it if affected your direct manager or peers.
‘Whenever possible, do this face-to-face and in a room where you have privacy.’
Having to deal with an awkward situation where you have to admit that you messed up can be difficult and anxiety-inducing.
Try not to punish yourself too much, and – if an apology isn’t enough – think of practical solutions to the problems, Dr Pointer adds.
‘The tip here is to remember that most people tend to underestimate their ability to manage events in life, both the trivial as well as the more serious ones,’ he says.
‘In actual fact, we have the resources both inside and outside of ourselves to survive most things.
‘It can be helpful to practice being solution-focused rather than problem-saturated. To do this, we can imagine the embarrassing event in our mind, and instead of stopping the film in our heads when everything is at its worse (for example, imagining that everyone is laughing at us or that we have got the sack!), we choose to actively keep the film playing past that point, and ask ourselves “how would I cope then?”.
‘Then notice the next thing that our minds throw up for us, and again ask, “how would I cope then?”.
‘Keep thinking of solutions to potential problems, and you will find that you can manage most things in life, and then the embarrassment and anxiety related to it, starts to drop away.’
While you should own up to what has happened, don’t forget to be kind to yourself.
Dr Pointer says: ‘However, when we have low self-esteem, it can be harder to manage situations that leave us feeling embarrassed, and in some cases, this can lead to feelings of shame.
‘This tends to happen when we have grown up being too hard on ourselves, and therefore think that others will judge us as harsh as we judge ourselves.
‘If this is the case, then it can be helpful to practice loving-kindness mantras.
‘This may seem “over the top” or “woolly nonsense”. However, research shows that doing mantras, whereby we focus on expressing loving intentions towards ourselves and others, is helpful.’
You can’t change the past, but you can try to do better in the future.
Rob Sowerby, who is the director of professional courses at London School of Business and Finance, points out that merely an apology isn’t enough: you need to show that you’re serious about what happened, and that you’re going to be on your ‘A-game’ going forward.
‘Firstly, apologise to anyone you feel you may have offended or caused embarrassment to,’ he tells us.
‘This can go a long way and shows you have an understanding of your actions and that you’re keen to make up to them. This includes all colleagues and – yes (if they were there) – your boss too.
‘Secondly, you’ll need to make up for this in your professionalism.
‘Be on your A-game for the foreseeable future and look to impress. Replace others’ embarrassing memories of you with one you’d prefer.
‘However, remember that depending on exactly how you may have caused embarrassment, some might still be unsure of how you’re going to behave around them.
‘So be tactful, don’t force your presence on colleagues in eagerness to make up for the party and otherwise be yourself.
‘Lastly, think about the next work party. Remember how you’re feeling now and this will temper your behaviour before you even RSVP.
‘Every mistake is a learning opportunity.’
If your Christmas party is around the corner, and you’re worried about what may happen, remember that the best way to avoid an ‘anxiety hangover’ is to not do anything that you’d feel embarrassed about the next morning.
Be careful with open bars as well (to help you out, we’ve put together a useful guide on how to be a ‘mindful drinker’ during the holiday party season).
Then again, no one’s perfect – don’t forget to have fun, too.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2019/12/13/embarrass-office-christmas-party-11903332/
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