The first time I was called loud was in primary school. I was around nine years old and it was written in my school report.
I’d been called ‘distracting’ and ‘boisterous’ before, but this one was different. This time I was ‘loud’ too.
There were definitely some positives in the report, but this was the word that stood out to me.
Being the only black girl in school can have a serious effect on you. And that’s without being deemed ‘loud.’
I immediately went into defense mode. I wasn’t loud, I knew I wasn’t louder than the other kids. At first I thought, ‘Loud? What does she even mean? Everyone spoke loudly in class.’
From that report onwards, every class and new school I went to I would have that label in the back of my mind. Many of my peers would jump on that label and deem me as aggressive or bullying because I was hyper or laughed ridiculously loudly.
This is the stigma that many black girls face. As soon as they raise their voice or make a facial expression that seems out of place, they are deemed as too loud or angry.
Many of these stereotypes come from the early 20th Century when white men would dress in blackface and perform on stage, mocking black women and portraying them as loud, masculine and unattractive.
White audiences not only found these acts amusing but they also accepted these representations as truth.
Serena Williams faced this same stigma during her US Open final. During the final, Williams received a code violation for coaching, a penalty point for breaking her racket and a game penalty for calling the umpire a ‘thief’. And later, a fine of $17,000 (£13,000).
Serena herself said she had seen other top players behave in similar ways before without punishment. The fact that she alone was punished certainly had an impact on the way people have gone on to regard her.
The black girl Bible, Slay In Your Lane by Yomi Adegoke and Elizabeth Uviebinené, highlighted the fact that many black women receive the label of ‘the angry black woman’ for simply expressing their mind or giving their opinion – at home or in the workplace.
All the way from primary school to the end of A-Levels, this stigma stuck with me. To this day, at 24 years old, girls from school still accuse me of bullying behaviour. But I know who I was in school and who I am now.
Whenever people face me with that accusation, I just shut them down straight away and say, ‘That wasn’t who I am. I wasn’t a bully. It was someone else.’
As I have grown up, I have learnt to embrace my loudness and not dumb down my personality for anyone for the fear of being branded angry.
I now refuse to let loud be equated with being aggressive. It doesn’t mean I’m more dominant. It doesn’t mean I’m a bully.
Yes, my laugh can be heard all the way in France. I like to think that means I have a very vibrant presence.
I’m also funny and hardworking. I wish my school teacher had given me one of these labels instead.
Ultimately though, I am trying to learn to turn my label into a positive.
For me, being loud just means being heard. In a world where black people – black women in particular – are widely ignored or not given a voice, I want mine to be heard.
If I am loud, it does not mean I am angry. It does not mean I am aggressive. I am me and I will never feel ashamed of that.
To my old school friends and teachers I want to say this: No, I wasn’t angry or mean, I was just a black girl.
Labels
Labels is an exclusive series that hears from individuals who have been labelled – whether that be by society, a job title, or a diagnosis. Throughout the project, writers will share how having these words ascribed to them shaped their identity — positively or negatively — and what the label means to them.
If you would like to get involved please email jess.austin@metro.co.uk
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source https://metro.co.uk/2019/12/05/my-label-and-me-you-may-think-im-loud-but-that-wont-shut-me-up-11268716/
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