When Simon Chapple had his first sip of wine at 14 years old, he thought it was ‘revolting’.
He never could have predicted that ten years later he would be downing at least three bottles a day.
And at the height of alcoholism, he couldn’t have imagined that today, at the age of 47, he would be a sobriety coach helping thousands of people quit booze.
Simon’s relationship with alcohol started like most of ours – first small sips to seem grownup, then sneaky teen trips to the off-license.
It took him two decades to realise something wasn’t right.
‘I didn’t really pay attention to the effects of alcohol until I started taking the remains of my dad’s wine to my bedroom while I was in my mid-teens,’ Simon tells Metro.co.uk. ‘It was at this point I was starting to drink more regularly.
‘I started to enjoy the sense of euphoria and relaxation that washed over me from the first glass. Little did I know this was the start of a slippery slope that would see me heading downhill for over twenty years.’
Like so many of us, Simon, from Surrey, began to drink more heavily in an attempt to soothe his anxiety, which gradually became overwhelming.
Soon the occasional rebellious drink became a regular routine, with Simon and his friends holing up in the house of whoever’s parents were out and sinking cans of beer all afternoon, or heading to local pubs that didn’t ask for ID.
No one said anything, despite Simon regularly staggering home stinking of booze and evidently hammered. That’s just what teenagers do, right?
The problem was that those alcohol-drenched days and nights weren’t one-offs or your classic ‘teenagers figuring out their limits’ incidents. They kept going well into Simon’s adulthood. And more importantly, they stopped being fun.
By his twenties, Simon was downing booze not to have a great time, but to deal with the overwhelming anxiety that was taking over his life.
‘When I drank my worries and the anxious feelings seemed to fade away,’ he explains. ‘It was like a magic medicine that made everything seem fun. After a couple of glasses of wine I would become carefree and would feel like I was full of laughter and joy in a world that otherwise was starting to feel rather dark.’
At 25 Simon moved into a home with his then-girlfriend, now wife, Michelle, having scraped together enough money for a deposit.
That marker of adulthood didn’t mean the end of Simon’s growing drinking habit.
Simon got work at an insurance company, married Michelle, had children, and started a business. To the outside world he seemed perfectly fine – turning up at work every morning at 7 and progressing to a managerial level.
But in secret Simon was in a dangerous spiral. Not even becoming a father at 30 could put a stop to his drinking.
‘If I had a stressful day I needed wine, if I had a good day I needed wine,’ Simon remembers. ‘No matter what kind of day I had, I needed wine. There was always a reason and there was always a bottle in the cupboard, I made sure of that.’
In his thirties, Simon began to sense that his drinking had become a problem – but that was a reality he wasn’t yet ready to confront.
He says: ‘I would often Google things like “am I an alcoholic” and “how much alcohol is safe” and then skim past any search results that would scare me until I found something that would put my mind at ease.
‘I used to do this all the time and have since learned that this behaviour is called “confirmation bias” where we choose to look at only what we want to see in order to reinforce our beliefs, even if those beliefs are actually wrong.
‘I was drinking two to three bottles of wine a day plus a couple of beers with my evening meal. To hide my drinking, I would buy wine boxes which made it easier for me to hide the amount I was getting through.’
Every day Simon would buy a box or bottles of wine, then every night he would drink.
He remembers only a ‘handful’ of occasions over the course of two decades when he didn’t drink – and those were times when he was in hospital after an operation and he was physically unable to get hold of booze.
What he had thought was a saving remedy from the pain of anxiety was rapidly destroying every part of his life.
The drunken haze caused Simon to keep picking fights and arguing with his wife. His anxiety was ever-present and intensifying, making it impossible to go to work.
Before long Simon’s days were spent lying in bed, skipping work, and drinking wine alone.
Life was terrible, but Simon couldn’t see that alcohol was a huge part of why.
‘I always believed I had a special love affair with red wine and it was truly helping me get through each and every day and injecting happiness into a life that was otherwise lacking,’ he says.
‘I put drinking in front of everything. It had complete power over me.
‘I also used to be snappy and argumentative after drinking, especially with my teenage son, which led to friction and conflict. I was also snappy and argumentative before drinking as I just wanted to get started on the wine, as I believed it was what made me relax and de-stress.
‘I was never fully engaged or present. I was preoccupied by wine-o-clock as that was what was most important to me. I would put it before everything else.’
At the age of 44, after another day spent at home alone, paralysed by the fear of normal daily life, Simon realised he needed a drastic change.
‘One morning I was at my computer and noticed my hands were shaking and I couldn’t stop them,’ he says.
‘Before long (and after a few searches on Google) I realised it was probably my drinking that was causing it. This was the moment where I knew something had to change. I didn’t want to end up in an early grave.’
‘The only problem was that I had no clue where to start.’
The starting point, it turned out, was hiring a manager to run his business so Simon could take some time to focus on his own wellbeing.
The thought of being without alcohol filled Simon with ‘complete dread’ and the first attempts at sobriety were tough.
He tried cutting back at first, drinking only on certain days of the week or watering down his wine, but within a few days he would be right back to his usual drinking levels.
Then he found a book, This Naked Mind by Annie Grace.
‘I felt like I had nothing to lose so I got myself a copy and started reading,’ Simon explains.
‘As I worked through the chapters of the book I felt like all my beliefs about alcohol were being examined and challenged and I could feel some of them unravelling.
‘I learned things that I could never unlearn and I knew that after reading that book I would always have a different view about alcohol.
‘I started to get quite excited about what a sober life might look like for me. I had read so many articles and blog posts about the positive effects of not drinking that were making me become more and more motivated to explore the alcohol-free world.
‘I wouldn’t say I was ready to quit drinking at this point but I had certainly become ‘sober-curious’.
‘In particular I had been astounded to read that alcohol can make anxiety much worse and given how much I was drinking it was no wonder mine was off starting to go off the scale.’
The more Simon read and the more he learned, the closer he came to feeling strong enough to go completely sober.
He considered taking a break, but knew that his all-or-nothing personality meant he needed to completely cut himself off from booze.
Simon’s journey to sobriety had false starts and lapses, like anyone else’s, with tears, negative self-talk, and the belief that he was doomed to be an alcoholic forever.
But with every day sober, things started to feel lighter. He could see a stronger and happier version of himself and knew that refusing alcohol was the way to get there.
Those sober days turned into weeks, then months, then years.
‘Since that day I have not had one alcoholic drink and I have also never looked back,’ says Simon. ‘It was the best decision I have ever made.’
Part of Simon’s recovery was journalling, which he did online on a website he created, Be Sober. While this started as a private way to keep track of his progress, soon the site attracted comments from people who were finding Simon’s words helpful on their own journeys.
He started to share the techniques and tactics that he found useful, then created a Facebook group, also called Be Sober, where people trapped in the cycle of addiction could seek support. The group now has more than 7,000 members.
Simon contacted Annie Grace and went to the US to train with her to become a sobriety coach, going on to offer guidance to thousands and speak at events about his transformation.
This year Simon released his first book, The Sober Survival Guide, aiming to help people on their path to freedom from alcohol.
He hopes that by sharing his own story he’ll encourage others struggling to take the steps towards healthier, happier lives without booze.
Today, Simon calls both alcohol and anxiety ‘a thing of the past’.
‘Since quitting alcohol my relationship with both my son and wife have improved so much,’ he tells us. ‘I now find pleasure in the smallest things and love family days out and spending time with them both where I am fully present, engaged and enjoying our time together.
‘Stepping away from my business has enabled me to do what I love and discover what I am truly passionate about.
‘My life mission has become sharing the benefits of an alcohol-free life and helping anyone who wants to make a positive change.
‘I am free and find myself in a place of peace, calm and happiness, all from making the decision to quit drinking.’
Simon's ten steps to sobriety:
Step one: Change your mindset about alcohol so your thinking changes from “can’t have” to “don’t want”. The way I did this was by reading sober books.
Step two: The first 30 days are the toughest. Sign up for the free 30-day Alcohol Experiment, write down your experience and start getting really curious about everything that’s happening.
Step three: Join Facebook sobriety groups so you have support and accountability.
Step four: Arm yourself with alcohol-free alternative drinks. There are hundreds available and it’s great fun exploring them all.
Step five: Pour away your alcoholic drinks, you don’t want them in the house.
Step six: Avoid temptation. If you’ve got any boozy nights out arranged for the first 30 days, I’d suggest avoiding them because you might be tempted to drink. When you feel strong enough, carry on as normal.
Step seven: Be passionate. Think about it like: “I’m a sober rebel, I’m doing something amazing, I’m not feeling deprived.”
Step eight: Don’t worry if you slip up. It can happen, don’t beat yourself up, learn from it and move on.
Step nine: Stay engaged as the weeks and months roll by. You’ll see loads of positive changes to your body, your mind and your life. Keep reading books and keep engaged with Facebook groups.
Step ten: Find new things to do with your time. When you stop drinking you’ll have a lot more time on your hands. You’ll also feel a lot more motivated and enthusiastic to go and do stuff, and you want to fill the void. If you were going to the pub every night, you might join a bootcamp or something like that instead.
Need support? Contact the Samaritans
For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
MORE: I gave up drinking alcohol and it changed my entire life
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source https://metro.co.uk/2019/12/12/man-drank-three-bottles-wine-day-get-rid-anxiety-shares-went-sober-11294840/
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