From Jim and Pam to Dawn and Tim, the worldwide public absolutely love an office crush.
Maybe it’s the heat of the fresh-out-of-the-printer paper, or the tension when you’re all pulled into a meeting, but it seems there’s something about the workplace that get people hot under the collar.
Online recruitment specialists, CareerBuilder, ran a nationwide survey and discovered that on average, 44% of Brits have had an office crush.
Londoners and 18-34-year-olds were even more likely to fancy someone they work with, at 58% and 50% respectively admitting to infatuations with colleagues.
Couple these deskside flirtations with alcohol and reduced inhibitions at the Christmas party, and you’ve got a recipe for romance – or disaster.
As the debate rages on over whether mistletoe is acceptable at work parties, it’s still a given that someone will likely try it on with someone else at your festive party.
If that person happens to be you, and your office crush doesn’t feel the same way, it can make the following day back at your computer a very difficult one indeed.
But, thanks to Match’s dating expert Hayley Quinn, there are a few ways to style out your lack of cuties hurrying down your chimney.
Prevention is better than cure
Hayley comes from the ‘don’t shit where you eat’ school of thought, that you should seriously consider whether or not acting on workplace romances is a good idea in the first place.
‘Whilst it is natural to develop feelings for someone you spend a lot of time with,’ she tells Metro.co.uk, ‘be cautious when this occurs in the workplace.
‘Whilst no doubt people do form relationships with people they meet at work, in 2019 you don’t want to have a cavalier attitude to flirtation at work.’
This doesn’t mean never been in the same room as the person alone for fear of miscellaneous allegations (like this even happens?). It’s more about being respectful that you’re dealing with a whole person, and piling on the moves – especially while drunk – might make them uncomfortable.
Particularly in a high-pressure environment like a party, your inhibitions are lowered, and you can’t fully judge whether or not your signals are correct or being returned.
Hayley says: ‘Even if you think feelings are reciprocated, never assume someone will want to follow them up in the same way as you do.
‘Rather than taking it down to the wire with a last minute move at the office party, it’s smarter and safer to see if someone wants to grab a coffee one-on-one during daylight hours.
‘This will give you an opportunity to ‘test the waters’ and help avoid overstepping the mark.’
Take feedback on board
We’re all adults here. That means, if you shoot your shot and it doesn’t land, there are no hard feelings. It’s not always about you.
Yes, even if you laboured over a thoughtful and funny secret santa present for them. Yes, even if you’ve been cultivating witty banter via Slack for months in preparation for snog in the stationery cupboard. Yes, even if you spent a fortune on your outfit so they’d see you in something other than your scuffed work shoes and shirt.
The pain of rejection may feel more acute because you’ll be reminded of it every time they do a tea round, but you’re only hurting yourself if you try to twist their arm into feeling the same way.
‘Avoid all thoughts of plotting to make them like you; accept they do not feel the same way and work on letting it go,’ says Hayley.
‘Rejection often feels bad in the moment, but try to remember that you don’t know what’s going on in the other person’s life that’s made them feel that way. They could be seeing someone, have a strict ‘no romance at work’ policy or just not want to create a confusing situation.
‘None of this means you are unattractive, or that you can’t meet someone who does reciprocate how you feel. You also deserve to invest your time and energy into someone who can return your affections; this is the most important criteria for someone who you can have a committed relationship with.’
Deal with the aftermath
This is the make a break moment where your rejection could go from funny, blase story to cautionary tale. It’s all about how you approach things.
Hayley says there are two ways to deal with things here: ‘If you feel like you need to say something by way of apology or clear the air, keep your communication short and accountable’
Her template for this is simple: ‘I just wanted to apologise for last night, I misjudged the situation but want you to know I respect you and it won’t happen again.’
This is because Hayley advises avoiding too much justification, which would just add more pressure and complicate your whole diffusion strategy.
Aside from that, she says: ‘Focus on creating a neutral atmosphere between you. Be professional, polite, and don’t treat this colleague any differently from anyone else you work with.
‘If someone sees you consistently respecting their boundaries and letting things go, in time it’s likely that it will feel like much less of a big deal than it does today.’
As long as your initial approach didn’t fall into creepy or threatening territory (why do we still have to mention this in 2019?), and you style out the following days and weeks as you’ve been advised, it’s no harm, no foul.
There are definitely some success stories among the failures, so as long as you try your hand responsibly and respectfully, you could be in with a chance.
And even if not, at least you won’t be as embarrassed as the lad from the operations team who threw up on the boss’s shoes.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2019/12/07/deal-work-christmas-party-romantic-rejection-11405795/
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