Twice in my life I’ve left my friends, moved across the world and promised to be very, very good at WhatsApp communication to stay in touch.
The first time was 2015, when I moved 12,500km from Sydney to London. The second was yesterday, when I retraced all those kilometres back to Australia.
Both times I’ve felt extremely sad and extremely grateful. I have glorious friends in multiple cities, which is a mighty fine thing, but it also means that at any one time I’m missing someone beloved from my immediate life. The good news is that it’s entirely possible to love people very much from afar.
As I say goodbye for a while to my life and my mates in London, I wanted to share a little advice.
Maybe you’re moving from your hometown to a new city, maybe you’re moving all the way to another country. Either way, no matter how far you’re actually travelling, you’ll be saying goodbye to people who mean something to you.
It’s one of those miserable inevitabilities of relocation but if you think about it right, it can also be the most delightful reminder of who belongs in your life and what matters.
Long distance friendship can be absolutely wonderful but like anything worth having, it’ll take a little work.
Organise a farewell tour
In the month leading up to my departure, I basically treated myself to a farewell tour.
I made a mental list of the people I’d like to see before I left and conscientiously found space in my calendar for them. It means I’ve socialised more in the past month than any other normal 31-day period, and it has been quite a feat for an introvert, but it’s also been exceptionally lovely.
It is awkward to say to someone that you will likely not see them again for some time but it’s worth being clear about it, making proper time to see them and saying a few sweet things to herald your departure.
I recommend having one party-style event where you invite friends to your place or a pub and see lots of people at once. For one thing, it’s quite a warming feeling to see all the people you like in one place.
It’s also a nice ceremony to mark your leaving. Then, schedule in time with the people you really like – preferably one-on-one over a delicious meal.
You want to have fun and be dramatic and wave people off from a party but you also want to be able to properly catch up with someone, hear how they really feel and say ‘I’ll miss you’ a couple times with a slight catch in your throat.
Try and have a few big meaningful conversations if possible, just to cover some sentimental territory in person before you revert to using your phone to chat long-distance.
I’ve spoken a lot about marriage, love, children, ambition, dreams, romance and identity over the past month, just to get in some real, proper chats. You may not be as sentimental as I am and truly, that’s fine. Be as emotional as you wish.
Feel all your feelings
I hadn’t anticipated all the feelings that came up for me as I prepared to leave the country.
I had thought so much about what life in Sydney would be like that I almost forgot to fully consider the life I’d be leaving.
I have done some crying, chatted to my therapist, debriefed with my mum and dad, had elaborate tantrums in front of my boyfriend and generally gone about being more emotional than usual.
I’ve been open with my friends about my anxiety levels recently and it’s been really helpful. If you’re moving away from home, you’re likely to have all the feelings, too. Feel them, get vulnerable, move on from them.
Get good at WhatsApp
Your primary mode of communication with your friends is probably going to be on your phone.
Some via Instagram DM, some by Twitter and some on Facebook messenger. Most of my friendships are conducted long-distance via WhatsApp and I am deliberately conscientious with my WhatsApp behaviour.
I try to always answer questions, I get back to messages in a relatively timely fashion, I send a lot of the heart eye emoji. I have real conversations on there as well as trivial ones.
I send frequent reminders to people that I’m thinking of them and I check in on how people are feeling. I try and encourage a policy of vulnerability and kindness and love because I know that we’ve got to make up for not being in the same room.
Pick up the phone
Like any good millennial, I have a phone call phobia. I do not generally like to speak to anyone by telephone, especially if they call my mobile unannounced. I lift this rule for friends who live far away and people I actually like.
I simply request that we organise a phone call in advance so I know when it’s going to happen and that eases my phone-related anxiety. Regular phone calls are actually quite delightful and I recommend getting a few in.
If you’re not keen then voice notes are a helpful compromise you can send via WhatsApp. It is actually a very lovely thing to hear a friend’s voice.
Some of them could be important but more than anything, they’re casual little monologues about your day, and your thoughts, and your outfit, and your breakfast and your commute, and your latest date.
The best way to cope with leaving your friends is to hold onto them in some way. Some people will be good at long-distance friendship, others will not.
It is absolutely possible to drop out of touch with someone and then seamlessly pick that friendship up again once you’re in the same place.
Don’t panic, you have not lost friends, even if you or they initially find it difficult to jump from face-to-face chats to phone ones. Be persistent in your communication, be kind, be understanding, be loving.
Enjoy your new home, enjoy your new life – but find a way to make your old friends a part of it.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2019/11/07/stay-close-friends-move-away-11044319/
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