It was a simpler time when we only had ghosting to worry about.
Since the term gained traction in 2015, we’ve had the pleasure of discovering more dating trends that sound like they’ve been named in a millennial lab. V-lationshipping, kittenfishing and orbiting, we’re looking at you.
Despite all the unique new ways to treat a lover, ghosting still lurks and it still hurts. Whether you’re the ghost – sometimes there’s really no easy way to tell someone that you find their BO or political ideologies offensive – or you’re on the receiving end.
As our dictionaries of dating terminology have evolved, we’d like to think our dating survival kits have too.
Erotic products company Bijoux Indiscrets has released a ‘ghosting remedy’ clitoral balm for £8.60.
‘In the swipe era, well trained fingers are for more than just dating apps. Apply a small amount directly to the clitoris and massage gently. You’ll start to feel its warming effect in a matter of seconds,’ the product listing reads.
‘You’ll forget their name faster than you can delete their number.’
The product is said to make the clitoral area more sensitive ‘in a matter of seconds’ thanks to natural ingredients including sweet almond oil, shea butter, and of course, coconut oil. (Seriously, what doesn’t coconut oil do?)
To use, simply use your finger to swipe the 6ml tin, and then apply it to your clitoris. Oh, and you can even use it with your sex toys.
The company notes that it should take 30 minutes or less to achieve the desired effect, but it ‘varies from person to person’.
Bijoux Indiscrets stocks a range of sensual toys and accessories for women, designed by women. The Spanish company was founded in 2006 in a bid to break down the taboos surrounding female sexuality and bring alternative products to an industry that was male-oriented at the time.
They’ve also made a name selling ‘better than your ex’ vibrators and a line of sex cosmetics including ‘nip gloss’ and oral sex lip balm.
You can order your ghosting balm online.
Dating terms and trends, defined
Breadcrumbing: Leaving ‘breadcrumbs’ of interest – random noncommittal messages and notifications that seem to lead on forever, but don’t actually end up taking you anywhere worthwhile Breadcrumbing is all about piquing someone’s interest without the payoff of a date or a relationship.
Caspering: Being a friendly ghost - meaning yes, you ghost, but you offer an explanation beforehand. Caspering is all about being a nice human being with common decency. A novel idea.
Catfish: Someone who uses a fake identity to lure dates online.
Clearing: Clearing season happens in January. It’s when we’re so miserable thanks to Christmas being over, the cold weather, and general seasonal dreariness, that we will hook up with anyone just so we don’t feel completely unattractive. You might bang an ex, or give that creepy guy who you don’t really fancy a chance, or put up with truly awful sex just so you can feel human touch. It’s a tough time. Stay strong.
Cloutlighting: Cloutlighting is the combo of gaslighting and chasing social media clout. Someone will bait the person they’re dating on camera with the intention of getting them upset or angry, or making them look stupid, then share the video for everyone to laugh at.
Cuffing season: The chilly autumn and winter months when you are struck by a desire to be coupled up, or cuffed.
Firedooring: Being firedoored is when the access is entirely on one side, so you're always waiting for them to call or text and your efforts are shot down.
Fishing: When someone will send out messages to a bunch of people to see who’d be interested in hooking up, wait to see who responds, then take their pick of who they want to get with. It’s called fishing because the fisher loads up on bait, waits for one fish to bite, then ignores all the others.
Flashpanner: Someone who’s addicted to that warm, fuzzy, and exciting start bit of a relationship, but can’t handle the hard bits that might come after – such as having to make a firm commitment, or meeting their parents, or posting an Instagram photo with them captioned as ‘this one’.
Freckling: Freckling is when someone pops into your dating life when the weather’s nice… and then vanishes once it’s a little chillier.
Gatsbying: To post a video, picture or selfie to public social media purely for a love interest to see it.
Ghosting: Cutting off all communication without explanation.
Grande-ing: Being grateful, rather than resentful, for your exes, just like Ariana Grande.
Hatfishing: When someone who looks better when wearing a hat has pics on their dating profile that exclusively show them wearing hats.
Kittenfishing: Using images that are of you, but are flattering to a point that it might be deceptive. So using really old or heavily edited photos, for example. Kittenfishes can also wildly exaggerate their height, age, interests, or accomplishments.
Lovebombing: Showering someone with attention, gifts, gestures of affection, and promises for your future relationship, only to distract them from your not-so-great bits. In extreme cases this can form the basis for an abusive relationship.
Microcheating: Cheating without physically crossing the line. So stuff like emotional cheating, sexting, confiding in someone other than your partner, that sort of thing.
Mountaineering: Reaching for people who might be out of your league, or reaching for the absolute top of the mountain.
Obligaswiping: The act of endlessly swiping on dating apps and flirt-chatting away with no legitimate intention of meeting up, so you can tell yourself you're doing *something* to put yourself out there.
Orbiting: The act of watching someone's Instagram stories or liking their tweets or generally staying in their 'orbit' after a breakup.
Paperclipping: When someone sporadically pops up to remind you of their existence, to prevent you from ever fully moving on.
Preating: Pre-cheating - laying the groundwork and putting out feelers for cheating, by sending flirty messages or getting closer to a work crush.
Prowling: Going hot and cold when it comes to expressing romantic interest.
R-bombing: Not responding to your messages but reading them all, so you see the 'delivered' and 'read' signs and feel like throwing your phone across the room.
Scroogeing: Dumping someone right before Christmas so you don't have to buy them a present.
Shadowing: Posing with a hot friend in all your dating app photos, knowing people will assume you're the attractive one and will be too polite to ask.
Shaveducking: Feeling deeply confused over whether you're really attracted to a person or if they just have great facial hair.
Sneating:When you go on dates just for a free meal.
Stashing: The act of hiding someone you're dating from your friends, family, and social media.
Submarineing: When someone ghosts, then suddenly returns and acts like nothing happened.
V-lationshipping:When someone you used to date reappears just around Valentine's Day, usually out of loneliness and desperation.
You-turning: Falling head over heels for someone, only to suddenly change your mind and dip.
Zombieing: Ghosting then returning from the dead. Different from submarineing because at least a zombie will acknowledge their distance.
MORE: A guide to the worst modern dating trends
MORE: Falling for a polyamorous man changed what I thought love was
MORE: Why you should ‘date’ rescue dogs before you decide to take them home
source https://metro.co.uk/2019/10/26/theres-a-clitoral-ghosting-balm-to-help-you-get-over-your-mia-lovers-10987575/
0 Comments