Our 10-year-old daughter Amelia never wears a mask at Halloween. She dresses as a princess or a doctor or a YouTuber (yes, really).
Our daughter Elizabeth who is five years old always dresses with a mask at Halloween. A skeleton mask, a cat mask, a Minnie Mouse mask.
This could be perfectly normal, or it could be because Elizabeth has a facial disfigurement.
At six months old Elizabeth was severely burnt in a house fire while sleeping in her cot. Now, at five years old she has realised she does not look the same as the children in her class.
She knows now why she is stared at everywhere she goes. It isn’t because she is wearing a pretty dress, or because they like her teddy bear, as we have been telling her.
It’s because she has no hair and only one ear and because her face has been skin grafted. Now she is old enough to realise.
This week a boy asked her if she was a zombie. When she was a baby, small enough to be in a buggy, a passing man said to us, ‘at least she won’t have to wear a mask at Halloween’.
It seems that now she feels that she does.
People, adults, have called her scary. Children have said she looks ‘freaky’.
Teenage boys have pointed at her and sniggered among themselves. Elderly ladies have looked horrified at her.
We have no doubt that Elizabeth knows what people think about how she looks and we know that at Halloween, when all the other kids are trying to look ‘scary’ she just wants to look as normal as them.
Scars and disfigurements do not make you look scary, evil or bad. They are the signs of a survivor.
It is a stain on our society that so many find those with facial disfigurements scary or ugly or less than themselves.
That is what is ugly, those parents who allow their children to grow up thinking that it is OK to consider those who look different as weird or freaky and that it’s OK to stare at them or comment or push them away.
Scars and disfigurements do not make you look scary, evil or bad. They are the signs of a survivor.
They show that something happened to that person and they got through it, they overcame it, they beat it. They are to be admired as the heroes, not ostracised as villains.
That’s why we are working with the charity Changing Faces to change attitudes and behaviour towards people like Elizabeth who have a scar, mark or condition that makes them look different.
It is a testament to the skill and dedication of the surgeons and medical staff at Birmingham Children’s Hospital who put our daughter back together that she can move the muscles and skin on her face.
It is nothing short of a miracle that a smile can still spread across her face, and that it can continue onto the faces of those around her and through a whole room.
It is amazing that she can frown in concentration as she tries to button her top with two remaining fingers, and that she can express how little she needs your help with one angry look.
Though her captivating smile and infectious laugh are precious – they are not for everyone.
Those who judge her based on a quick glance and can’t spare the time to meet her don’t deserve that smile.
So, at Halloween, they will see the mask that Elizabeth chooses, and they can continue on with their lives in the belief that what we look like on the outside somehow tells them who we are. Those of us who are privileged to have met Elizabeth know different.
Elizabeth and her parents Sinead and Liam are ambassadors for Changing Faces, the UK’s leading charity for anyone with a scar, mark of condition that makes them look different.
If you need some advice or support please get in touch at www.changingfaces.org.uk or call 0300 012 0275.
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source https://metro.co.uk/2019/10/29/my-5-year-old-daughter-shouldnt-feel-she-has-to-hide-her-burns-at-halloween-10998805/
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