An easy guide to non-sexy Halloween costumes

Katy Perry in a Cheeto costume
All the non-sexy Halloween costumes to help you inspire fear and respect.

A skin-tight, butt-less Buzz Lightyear suit. A low-cut leotard with thigh-high boots that somehow pays homage to the child-devouring Pennywise. An Instagram feed flooded with ‘sexy’ Joker outfits.

When shopping for a Halloween costume, you’ll have noticed the tendency for women’s costumes to be unnecessarily sexed-up. Nothing is off-limits. Adult minion? You got it. Risqué Margaret Thatcher? The costume exists.

Halloween has become a yearly memo that women should be dressed down to dress up. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with getting cheeky with your look, it just might not be for everybody. Let’s throw a few other options in there.

If you’re searching for a costume that’s not prefaced by the word ‘sexy’, try one of these…

The Tethered from Us

Editorial use only. No book cover usage. Mandatory Credit: Photo by C Barius/Universal/ILM/Kobal/REX (10162635g) Shahadi Wright Joseph as Umbrae and Lupita Nyong'o as Red 'Us' Film - 2019 A family's serenity turns to chaos when a group of doppelg?ngers begins to terrorize them.
Become your own shadown, your own tethered, this Halloween. (Picture: Rex Features)

Remember the Halloween party scene in Mean Girls?

‘In the real world, Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it,’ says Lindsay Lohan’s character Cady Heron, before she arrives at the party in a genuinely scary outfit.

Learn from her. Dress to provoke and to startle this Halloween. It is, after all, the reason for the season.

Transform into one of The Tethered from Jordan Peele’s horror masterpiece Us by picking up a Pluto costume, or by simply donning a spicy red jumpsuit and toting along your favourite pair of scissors (plastic, for safety).

Human snack food

Katy Perry as a cheeto
Katy Perry is a vision in vibrant orange. (Picture: Startraks Photo)

Do as Katy Perry did in 2014 and transform yourself into a walking Cheeto. Nothing says ‘look at me, but do not objectify me’ like an oversized crisp costume.

Try a more UK junk food like a Hobnob, wine gum or scotch egg, or simply pop on this basic chip costume.

The 80s pop singer

A guide to non-sexy Halloween costumes
Three non-sexy ways to dress as an 80s male pop singer. (Picture: Serena Coady / Sarah Elliott)

Nobody loves 80s nostalgia more than the people who were barely alive for it: millennials. Ladies, dress like an 80s male pop singer this Halloween.

Pencilling or adhering a moustache above your lip apparently isn’t considered particularly lust-worthy, nor is powdering on some stubble, so it’s a surefire way to avoid looking hot.

Channel David Bowie with this goblin king Labyrinth costume, or get your Bohemian Rhapsody on with an iconic Freddie lewk or saunter your way to success with this pretty-in-purple Prince outfit. You’ll feel fabulous and get fewer creepy comments than usual.

The Timothée Chalamet puppet

Timothee Chalamet doll
Be the dazzling Timothee Chalamet doll this spooky season. (Picture: eBay)

When a £96,909 26-inch tall recreation of an Oscar-nominated actor Timothée Chalamet hit eBay, we know we hadn’t seen the last of this artistic vision. Recreate one of the biggest internet moments of 2019 by donning a red-carpet-ready man harness and pencilling ventriloquist lines onto your chin.

Midsommar May Queen

Channel Midsommar, one of the most unsettling flicks of the year, without breaking the bank.

Simply pop on a full-length linen frock and rummage around in your neighbour’s shrub to assemble a wild floral crown fit for a May Queen but definitely not fit for Instagram.

A moistened Goofy

 

Take cues from one of the most existentially poignant memes of the year by wriggling into a princely Goofy costume and then dousing yourself in water.

Judi Dench in Cats the motion picture

Get even scarier. Why go as Anne Hathaway’s sexy Catwoman when you can dress as one of the warped-by-CGI cast members in the motion picture reimagining of Cats?

Mysterious yellow blob with ‘720 sexes’

The "blob", slime mould (Physarum polycephalum), a single-celled organism forming over a piece of tree chunk, is pictured at the Paris Zoological Park during a press preview in Paris, France, October 16, 2019. REUTERS/Benoit Tessier
Go as the blob. (Picture: Reuters)

Opt for a natural look by styling yourself as the unicellular blob recently put on display at Paris Zoological Park. You might have several hundred sexes, but that won’t make you sexy.

The sleeping bag dress

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4DTmpKJLLm/

Kimmy K did it, and so did Pharell. Now, it’s up to you. All you’ll need are a few camping essentials to drape over your chassis. For additional reference shots, here’s hiker-extraordinaire Pattie Gonia’s hot take on the look.

The CCTV alien boi

Go about your business with a vaguely-Dobby aura this Halloween. Bonus points if you can recreate the bouncy little strut.

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source https://metro.co.uk/2019/10/29/an-easy-guide-to-non-sexy-halloween-costumes-10989142/
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